Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry

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Rather than learning how not to fear one ought rather learn what to fear.

“Rather than learning how not to fear, one ought rather learn what to fear.”

Fargo, ND – As a public service announcement, consider yourself now informed that author Stephen King will be reading scary books to children every day all next month at the Fargo Public Liberry. Times for the sessions will be quite random just to keep listeners off balance and on their toes.

Author King recently unveiled a new line of scary books called The Fear Factory written just for children from ages 6 to 666.

Some have called Stephen King “the king of phobia creators” but he sees it a bit differently. “My books simply magnify pre-existing phobias. Rather than running from or even trying to face your fears, one should learn what to fear and how to survive it.”

Here are some of the wonderful book titles from Stephen King’s new Fear Factory that he will be reading to children at the Fargo Public Liberry:

Who Is Under My Bed?
Axe Me A Question
Where Is Daddy Going?
The Doorbell Sounds Weird
Why Is The Floor All Red?
Please Let Me Out Now
What’s In The Basement?
Grandpa Looks Blue
What’s For Supper?

Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes

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Moorhead Police give thanks for Turkey Police assistance.

Moorhead’s Turkey Police leading a patrol car to solve a heretofore previously unsolved crime.

Moorhead, MN – If you see small groups of turkeys along the Red River in Moorhead, chances are the police will not be far behind.

Moorhead Police are now using domesticated, trained wild turkeys to solve many heretofore previously unsolved crimes.

Recently, Moorhead’s Turkey Police led patrol cars right to the front door of Mr. Marvin Shellhammer who had unknowingly vandalized some property while the Turkey Police Officers were watching him.

Officer Ray Dookins: “These turkeys are great for solving crimes because they have extremely strong mental focus almost like a sixth sense. And plus, it will be real nice to have them around for Thanksgiving.”

George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine

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George Soros is Emperor Palpatine is George Soros

George Soros is Darth Sidious is Emperor Palpatine

Naboo, Chommell Sector – After receiving a tip from one of our readers, we did some old-fashioned investigative reporting and discovered that George Soros is Emperor Palpatine.

Both of these identities are also the same person we know as Darth Sidious who is most famous for saying “Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.”

Originally born in Budapest, young George Soros got stationed on Naboo in the Chommell Sector where he quickly rose to become the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and ultimately became the Emperor of the Galactic Empire.

So, the next time someone asks: “Who is George Soros?”, you can answer with confidence that he is Emperor Palpatine who is more commonly known as Darth Sidious.

Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe

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Send this basket of wonderfully deplorable flowers to someone you deplore.

Send this basket of wonderfully deplorable flowers to someone you deplore.

Moorhead, MN – A new business is finally opening in the former bustling city of Moorhead, Minisoda.

Hillary’s Flower Shoppe will soon be inaugurating its service to the public.

It will specialize in baskets of deplorable flowers which were rejected by other flower shoppes and which were considered to be irredeemable.

Yes, your basket of deplorables will most likely be made up of faded ugly dusty plastic flowers that were not made in America.

Recipients of your basket of deplorables will be taken aback at your thoughtfulness to send them such a nice deplorable basket of irredeemable plastic flower rejects.

To order your basket of deplorables over the phone, simply call 1-800-DEPLORE or email Hillary’s Flower Shoppe on her private email server which is securely stored in her closet.

FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?

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What is a Leppo? No, I'm not kidding! What is a Leppo?

What is a Leppo? No, I’m not kidding! What is a Leppo?

Aleppo, Syria – In an effort to help presidential candidate Gary Johnson confidently answer the question: “What is a Leppo?“, the FM Observer has done some quick yet thorough research into this impotent matter.

Here are our Top Ten answers to the syrious question: “What is a Leppo?“

10. A Leppo is a person who has been banished to living on a remote island because they have a horribly contagious skin disease.
9. A Leppo is a deadly little frog found only in the Amazon region that sometimes sneaks into boxes being sent to Amazon Prime customers.
8. A Leppo is a voting member of the group called the Lutheran Evangelical Pastors Presidential Outreach.
7. A Leppo is a colorful children’s building block used to make structures that are then blown up with fun, small, and harmless improvised explosive devices.
6. A Leppo is a false police report usually by Olympic athletes used to distract police from an embarrassing incident involving alcohol.
5. A Leppo is a slang term in some South American countries which refers to a Platonic sex act.
4. A Leppo is an Australian pouched marsupial animal that hides nuts and fruits from other members of its own family when holding a grudge.
3. A Leppo is a nasty gremlin that likes to sabotage third party presidential candidates.
2. A Leppo is commonly the first sign or manifestation that you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
1. A Leppo is an accidental cross between a leopard and a hippo which unfortunately is currently viewable at the Cleveland Zoo.

Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average

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Most of the people in Fargo and West Fargo are above average but not as many in Moorhead.

Most of the people in Fargo and West Fargo are above average but not so much in Moorhead.

West Fargo, ND – Our annual survey results are starting to be compiled and are showing that most of the people in the Fargo-Moorhead area consider themselves to be above average.

West Fargo tops the list where 84.7% of people surveyed strongly consider themselves to be above average which is up a bit even from last year.

The City of Fargo had about 78.4% of its people believing that they are above average which is about the same as previously discovered.

Moorhead, Dilworth, and Glyndon bottomed out the list as only 48.7% of their residents think of themselves as being above average.

We request that all neighborhood captains report your survey results within the next few weeks so that the official final numbers can be tallied and included in our year-end final reports.

FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers

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FMObserver now owns Gilligan's Island!

FMObserver now owns Gilligan’s Island!

Pacific Ocean – The FMObserver is extremely proud to announce that after hours of negotiations in smoke-filled rooms, we have purchased Gilligan’s Island for an undisclosed number of bitcoins.

While travelling and observing all around the world as we often do, one conversation on a plane led to another meeting on a boat and finally to camping in hammocks on famous Gilligan’s Island.

The main reason we decided to buy Gilligan’s Island was for you, our respected readers, not to mention the tax benefits suggested to us by our accountant.

So, any time you find yourself in the general vicinity of the Pacific Ocean, feel free to take a three-hour tour to your island paradise but make sure to first check the weather forecast so you don’t get stranded there for years.

Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast

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Mosquitos that carry the Zika are called Mozikos.

Miami, FL – As hazardous Hurricane Hermine passed over Florida, most people were worried about the obvious winds, rains, and flooding from a category one hurricane.

What most people did not realize was that as tropical storm Hermine moved up along the East Coast, the mosquitos that carry the Zika Virus (mozikos) would get transported to new areas of the country.

So now, the toublesome Zika Virus will be spread much further North and much more quickly than previously predicted by the CDC and the FMObserver.

Luckily, your FMObserver has vigilant observers throughout the country who are constantly observing this and other potentially problematic situations, such as the Facebook satellite and Hillary’s hacked email server.

Rolling Stones Latest New Hit: Sympathy For Dementia

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'Sympathy For Dementia' being well-received by aging baby boomers.

‘Sympathy For Dementia’ being well-received by aging baby boomers.

Devils Tower, WY – The forever Rolling Stones have once again put forth another song for the ages, or in this case, a song for the aging.

Sympathy For Dementia is their latest new hit song and for many baby boomers who are entering their sunset years, this song hits home with them.

The song has unofficially been dedicated to their dear friend Glen Campbell who was once a member of the original Beach Boys and who now suffers from dementia.

The Rolling Stones will be taking their Sympathy For Dementia show on the road just as they have been doing for the past 55 years.

Stay tuned for tour stop locations as The Fargodome has been mentioned as a possible concert venue.

Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani To Stay In Guestroom Of Randomly Selected Fargo Home

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If you have a nice guest bedroom, we would very much like to stay with you and your family.

Fargo, ND – With Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani coming to Fargo for a concert stop, the superstar couple is requesting to stay with “some normal folks” in a randomly selected Fargo home during their stay here.

Would you be willing to share your guest bedroom with Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani?

If so, you will need to fill out an official application which should include photos of your guestroom, you, and your family (sorry, no pets).

All qualifying applicants will be put into a random drawing and the lucky selected winner will be hosting Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani in your home for one night during their visit to Fargo, North Dakota!