Tag Archives: christmas

The White House’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar Is The Latest Trending Christmas Gift

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Gradually open twelve White House windows to mark the twelve days of impeachment.

Washington, DC – First lady Melania is offering a superbly wonderful gift idea for the holidays.

Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar is an impeccably designed likeness of the White House with twelve adorable little windows that can be opened one per day.

Share the magic of the impeachment process with your family as more and more windows light up.

Since the First Lady fluently speaks six languages, the twelve impeachment windows when opened each announce a different special message in all six of Melania’s spoken languages: English, French, German, Italian, Slovenian, and Serbo-Croatian.

If you’re looking to give the latest hotly trending gift for Christmas, consider Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar.

Melania in her own words:
French: Ce calendrier de destitution est précieusement divin.
German: Dieser Amtsenthebungskalender ist von unschätzbarem Wert.
Italian: Questo calendario dell’impeachment è preziosamente divino.
Slovenian: Ta koledar obstoja je dragoceno božanski.
Serbo-Croatian: Ovaj kalendar imepmenta je dragocjen božanski.
English: This impeachment calendar is preciously divine.

Apple’s Smart Christmas iTree Is The Best New Thing For The Holidays Since Eggnog

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Apple’s new iTree will change Christmas forever.

Apple Valley, CA – It was just a matter of time until Apple introduced their new Christmas iTree.

Now, for your Christmas enjoyment, you can have a smart Christmas tree which, of course, comes with a Siri.

This new hyper-functional iTree will change Christmas as much as eggnog did when it was first poured.

Tell Siri to change the look of your iTree randomly or at set times.

You can ask your new Christmas iTree how many presents are under the tree, provide the current total number of gifts for each person, what’s in each present, how much a present cost and where it was purchased, what is the meaning of Christmas, how many years ago was Jesus born, and what is the current value of Apple stock.

The new Apple iTree will also change the look of its lights, its size and shape, and even rotate to enhance your Christmas pleasure all while playing any Christmas music that you want.

Gather the whole family on the couch and have your new iTree take a picture or video of your Christmas happenings, and then ask Siri to contact relatives to FaceTime with others using their iTree!

There is really no limit to what your new Apple smart Christmas iTree can do except it cannot purchase itself…you will have to do that.

For A Change, The Concordia College Christmas Concert Will Feature All Beatles Music This Year

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An all-Beatles Concordia College Christmas concert will be a refreshing change.

Moorhead, MN – In what’s considered to be a slight deviation from the norm, Concordia College will feature all Beatles music during this year’s annual Christmas Concert.

“Because the night that Jesus was born was so very special, we too decided to do something very special, namely, use all Beatles music for this year’s Concordia College Christmas Concert,” said Mr. Cardoso McChristian who ostensibly has nothing to do with the concert.

Yes, many old-timers who hate change will probably be somewhat surprised to hear that all of the traditional songs normally sung during the Concordia College Christmas Concert will be completely replaced by Beatles tunes, including:

⦿ Birthday
⦿ Lady Madonna
⦿ The Fool On The Hill
⦿ Norwegian Wood
⦿ Mother Nature’s Son
⦿ Let It Be
⦿ Across The Universe
⦿ Come Together
⦿ Because
⦿ We Can Work It Out
⦿ Got To Get You Into My Life
⦿ Hello Goodbye
⦿ Rocky Raccoon
⦿ With A Little Help From My Friends
⦿ Yesterday
⦿ The End

Incidentally, all the letters in Cardoso McChristian can be re-arranged into: Concordia Christmas!

FM Observer’s Reader’s New Year’s Resolutions

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Nunc Coepi = Now I Begin

West Fargo, ND – We recently met face-to-face with some of our faithful readers at a local alcoholic establishment to compile a list of all their top New Year resolutions.

So, in case you have not made your New Year’s resolutions yet, or just need some more good ideas, here are the FM Observer’s reader’s Top Ten list of New Year’s resolutions for the new year for you:

◙ Change all passwords to extremely long ones.
◙ Finish Christmas shopping by 4th of July.
◙ Continue to volunteer at soup kitchens.
◙ Dye hair silver to get more respect.
◙ Purge all Minnesota Vikings stuff.
◙ Start exercising in February.
◙ Join a Ping Pong league.
◙ Start clipping coupons.
◙ Get a smarter phone.
◙ Take more napsters.
◙ Drink more beer.
◙ Fight for peace.
◙ Gain 16 pounds.

Secret Santa Drops In Early At Many Local Businesses

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Don’t be surprised if Secret Santa drops in at your place of work before Christmas!

Fargo, ND – Secret Santa has recently been making the rounds at many local Fargo businesses.

For any employees who choose to participate in their Secret Santa program, it’s a chance to find out what are some of the hot items for Christmas this year.

Your FM Observer has conveniently compiled a list for you of this year’s top items that people are receiving from Secret Santa:

◘ Anything Trump
◘ Butterscotch Pudding
◘ A small box of Heath Bars
◘ Small plastic Elephants
◘ A can of Mackerel
◘ Any signed book by Deepak Chopra
◘ A box of dried Kasoori Methi leaves
◘ Barbie Bubblegum-flavored mouthwash
◘ A box of traditional Cracker Jack (includes prize!)
◘ A box of marsh-mellow Moon Pies
◘ A small bottle of Johnny’s French Dip Au Jus
◘ A Jesus candle (from the Mexican section at Cashwise)
◘ Flavored Pocky Biscuit Sticks (by Glico)
◘ A box of Prawn Crackers

Nothing Says ‘I Like You’ Like Butterscotch Pudding

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Butterscotch pudding is a hug-in-a-box.

Pudding Creek, CA – Are you trying to figure out what to serve during the holidays?

Do you want your family and guests to feel like they’re one of Santa’s elves?

Serving butterscotch pudding has been scientifically proven to say “friend“ and “Christmas“ more than any other substance South of the North Pole.

Plus, Santa and his elves eat butterscotch pudding every day, thanks to Mrs. Santa!

Under the tree, butterscotch pudding makes the perfect stocking stuffer, OR someone’s final, big present of the eve.

On the Christmas dinner table, it’s the ultimate dessert, OR have butterscotch pudding for your main entrée, just like Santa!

Sponge Pudding Shortage Threatens Some Local Family Traditions

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Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding is a Christmas tradition for many Fargo families.

Fargo, ND – If you’re having a hard time trying to find some Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for Christmas, you are not alone.

Many families in the Fargo area share the same holiday tradition of eating Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding on Christmas Eve.

Anastasia Fritzi’s family has had the Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for five generations, going all the way back to their motherland of Prussia.

“What the hell are we going to do if we can’t find any Spotted Dick before Christmas?” she asks, as her family looks like they’re about to cry and freak out simultaneously.

We have learned that a special Sponge Pudding Support Group is forming to help families just like the freaking Fritzis.

In the meantime, Sponge Pudding grief counselors are encouraging their clients to possibly start to consider a new Christmas tradition, such as: making eggnog milkshakes, have a talent show, go pajama caroling, adopt-a-pet, hiding of presents, volunteering at a soup kitchen, snow fort building, or just an old-fashioned family food fight!

Top Ten Questions To Ask Family, In-Laws, and Relatives During Christmas

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To make church signs like this, use the link at the bottom of this post.

West Fargo, ND – During your family getogethers with in-laws, relatives, and other extended family members, it is not only a good time to share handshakes and hugs in order to pass your cold and flu germs on to others, but it is also a perfect opportunity to throw out a few key questions to your Christmas group in order to check the general Zeitgeist of where everyone’s at regarding some of the current issues from the past few months.

Even tho your FM Observers are busy, out doing some last minute shopping at Happy Harry, we’ve taken the time to compile an easy-to-use list of questions to randomly throw out during times when the Christmastime conversations may hit a lull.

Top Ten Questions To Ask During Christmas:

10. What’s the latest on the Russian Collusion?
9. How many My Pillows do you have?
8. Have you ever heard of the FM Observer?
7. Are you for Global Warming or Global Cooling?
6. Whatever happened to Anthony’s Weiner?
5. How do you feel about the Red River Diversion project?
4. Do you think Carson Wentz will marry Cara Mund?
3. Did you hear who’s the latest guy accused of groping?
2. Can I have your pudding?
1. Isn’t President Trump doing a great job?!

Church Sign Generator

Moorhead Man Who Claims To Be The Real Santa Detained For Questioning

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There is a real Santa, and he’s being detained for questioning in Moorhead until after Christmas.

Moorhead, MN – Authorities in the quirky town of Moorhead have detained a man claiming to be the real Santa.

Investigators have a plan to hold the Santa Man until after Christmas to prove that either he is an impostor, or that he is indeed the real Santa, in which case millions of children throughout the world will not receive any presents for Christmas.

In the meantime, the Santa Man has requested some eggnog and cookies to help keep his spirits up, and some hay and salt blocks for his team of nine reindeer.

If you and your children would like to come and visit the Santa Man in jail to request presents for Christmas and possibly pet Rudolph and his friends in a temporary petting zoo, simply contact the Moorhead authorities who are detaining the real Santa and who are possibly going to ruin Christmas for everyone on Santa’s Nice List. 

Oprah’s Much-Anticipated Holiday Gift-Giving Guide

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The Oprah reveals her recommended shopping list for your Christmas.

It is once again that lusciously delightful time of year when everyone waits to see what’s on The Oprah’s gift giving idea list for the upcoming holidays.

Every year The Oprah shares her wonderfully personal list of favorite things to get your loved ones for Christmas.

This year is no exception as The Oprah never disappoints!

Gift #1 – 200 pounds of fresh organic strawberries. ($950)

Gift #2 – Queen-sized sheepskin duvet cover. ($2,800)

Gift #3 – Diamond-encrusted dog brush. ($19,000)

Gift #4 – Gift pack of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. ($53,000)

Gift #5 – 100 shares of Amazon.com, Inc. NASDAQ:AMZN. ($111,160)

Gift #6 – New car: Bentley Mulsanne. ($335,000)

Gift #7 – A bottle of Tequila Ley 925. ($3.5 M)

Gift #8 – Lady Gaga concert with the Obamas. ($12 M)

Gift #9 – Private jet: Dassault Falcon 7X. ($35 M)

Gift #10 – The Shroud of Turin. (priceless)