Category Archives: Entertainment

Sir Paul McCartney Coming Back To Fargo For Another Concert

Be Right Back!

Be Right Back!

Fargo, ND – Apparently Paul McCartney enjoyed playing his music in Fargo so much, that he’s coming back for an encore concert.

“Yah, I really got a kick out of Fargo, so we decided to do it again, yah know?” he said during an exclusive interview. “But this next time around, I am going to play all different songs, and play them right-handed, just to switch things around a bit.”

His “BE RIGHT BACK” concert is “unprecedented”, says Nigel Banks, who works as a self-employed concert expert specializing in British concert tour scheduling history. “He must really like Fargo. Fargo should be quite proud of this.”

Fargodome officials are “simply delighted” that Sir Paul wants to return for another concert. “No firm dates have yet been decided upon, but we’ll figure something out! You can count on that!” tweeted the Fargodome.

Some on-the-street reactions to this big news:
“Wasn’t Paul McCartney just here last year?”
“This is some kind of joke, right?”
“Since I missed him the first time, this is very good news.”
“He is ambidextrous, too?”

Watch for further details about Sir Paul McCartney’s BE RIGHT BACK concert on your local news channels. (There is even some talk that he might be looking into buying a home in the Fargo area.)

WE Fest Cancelled Due To Massive Disease-Carrying Tick Invasion

Save Your Spleen in 2014

Save Your Spleen in 2014

Detroit Lakes, MN – The drunkenly popular WE Fest celebration of country music at the Soo Pass Ranch has been cancelled for 2014 due to serious health concerns.

The annual outdoor music festival was scheduled for August 7-8-9 but fans will have to wait until 2015 to see their favorite country music stars, such as Travis Tritt and Brad Paisley.

Minnesota health officials have discovered a massive infestation of ticks carrying a deadly disease which causes an acute inflammation of the spleen.

Dr. Willy Nilly of the CDC: “We have never seen such a large population of dangerous ticks like this before. The lovely meadows and woods surrounding the Soo Pass Ranch near Lake Sallie are literally crawling with ticks. They may have been recently transported here by federal agents bringing illegal aliens up to this region from the Texas border. The strain of spleenitis that these ticks are carrying basically causes an infected person to bleed to death within 48 hours.”

WE Fest organizers have changed this year’s slogan from “Living The Dream in 2014” to “Save Your Spleen in 2014”. They say that “all 2014 tickets will be honored in 2015 for the exact same line-up of country music sensations, such as: Jason’s Aldean and Ashley’s Monroe.”

“If folks do want to getogether this year somewhere besides the infested Soo Pass Ranch, we will have a karaoke contest every day in the parking lot of the Detroit Lakes Walmart, which will be hosted by Scotty McCreery of American Idol fame.”

UPDATE: This post is completely fictitious (not real). WE Fest 2014 has not been cancelled.

Click here for another exciting Dr. Willy Nilly post!

Lupe Fiasco Next To It

Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week – Lupe Fiasco ft. Ty Dolla $ign – (Next To It)

Lupe Fiasco Next To ItFirst of all, that’s not a glitch in your web browser title.  That’s just how original mr. dolla sign is.  Replacing the S with a $ symbol.  So very clever.  Never seen that before.

Alright, now to the terrible song lyrics of the week.  These lyrics belong to the great Lupe Fiasco and features another great genius, Ty Dolla $ign.  Remember it’s Sign with the $.  Watch out when these two get together.

This one is simple.  I’m going to post the song lyrics and then at the end I’m going to reveal to you how many times Mr. Fiasco used the words “Next To It“.  Ready?  You are free to count along with us.

[Produced by Ty Dolla $ign and Shafiq Husayn]

[Intro: Lupe Fiasco]
Next to it, do it, do it, do it, do it
Next to it, do it, do it , do it, do it

[Verse 1: Lupe Fiasco]
Money ain’t shit when there’s wealth next to it
Wealth ain’t shit when there’s health next to it
In the lane with nobody else next to it
Ain’t get here by myself, lot of help next to it
Word to chilly chill, that’s myself let’s do it
1st and 15 ent, FNF music
Album number 5, aye nigga, let’s do it
Don’t say my name, unless my city next to it
Anything look good with a titty next to it
And if the titty got a face that’s pretty next to it
Riding around town something really exclusive
Bump a little Pac with some Biggie next to it
Nigga that’s love with a twist next to it
Nigga that’s a blood with a crip next to it
At the Bulls game, like a tree — gift next to it
Yes, nigga that’s the floor and I sit next to it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]
Everybody look better with a bitch, next to it
Rollie on a wrist lets do it
Top down on a whip that’s roofless
Ain’t impressed, it’s the bitch that do it, Let’s do it
Club ain’t turned ‘less some bitches into it
It’s the bitch that do it

[Verse 2: Lupe Fiasco]
Crib ain’t shit unless a whip next to it
Whip ain’t shit unless Benz next to it
But a Benz ain’t shit when a Rari next to it
Rari ain’t shit when a Zonda next to it
Really tell a difference when a Honda next to it
But a Honda is the shit when you jogging next to it
‘Cause this a baby momma with a condom next to it
‘Cause this a miracle I’m still rockin’ let’s do it
Still need a comma with a zero next to it
Then another comma with a zero next to it
Then a zero next to it and a zero next to it
Then another fuckin’ comma then a zero next to it
Nigga, what we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Nigga, What we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Still at the bottom with a million next to it
‘Cause a million ain’t shit with a billion next to it
A billion ain’t shit when a trillion next to it
Captain save a ho she want a hero next to it
But I ain’t tryna hear it, put my ear up next to it
Cause it’s kinda strange got a wierdo next to it
Nigga, your wallet got a robber next to it
Black ski mask with a chopper next to it
You might need a bed with a doctor next to it
But nigga I ball like soccer next to it
Let’s do it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]

[Verse 3: Lupe Fiasco]
Nigga my hood feel like heaven
With third worlds next to it
But nigga we good but we’ll be even better
With thirty girls next to us
Yeah, the White House had a trap next to it
Yeah nigga that’s a fact next to it
My house had a trap next to it
Ay nigga where’s the house, let’s do it
Your chest ain’t shit unless a chain next to it
Chain ain’t shit unless gold next to it
Gold ain’t shit when a diamond next to it
Your beat ain’t shit unless I’m rhyming next to it
(Huh, huh) Shinning next to it
Shit ain’t real can’t find her next to it
Nigga let’s park it on the red carpet
Grammy Awards my momma next to it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]

 

What did you get?

Let me know because I LOST COUNT!!!!

 

 

You can listen to the entire song below.

 

By the way, I counted 46 times and I don’t care to confirm.  All I know is it’s 46 times too many.

 

The Melvins’ Buzz Osborne Comes Back to Fargo

PromoImage“It’s only after we’ve done everything that we’re free to do anything” was what Tyler Durden said in the movie Fight Club (or something like that–I may have slightly butchered the quote). That holds true with Buzz Osborne of the Melvins. It almost seems like he’s done everything: over 30 recorded albums in addition to more than 2,000 live shows covers a ton of ground.  He’s produced over 30 years of sonically-intimidating grunge, metal and semi-acoustic but not quite full-blown acoustic rock. That is, until this most recent solo album for which he’s touring our great country to promote.

“This Machine Kills Artists” steers completely away from Melvins tradition in that it features Buzz, alone with an instrument that he’s spent the past few decades mastering. It’s not typically loud, but it’s not that quiet either:

I enjoyed it as a change-of-pace collection of tracks (you get 17 total). It’s not terribly folk-y, so don’t expect to hear Jack Johnson or Neil Young. Think the Melvins, but sans the electric amps and percussion. Anyhow, the purpose here is not to promote the album alone, but an intimate live performance of it. Buzz takes the Aquarium stage by himself on Thursday, 6/26 to not simply play a gig, but to provide a sort of storytelling experience interlaced with songs from the album.

If you go:

Thursday, June 26th @ The Aquarium, 226 Broadway N, Fargo, ND

Doors open 8:00pm, show starts 9:00pm

Tickets can be obtained HERE

Ages 21 and over

USS Enterprise Coming To Fargo Airport

caption here

Beam me up, Scotty!

Fargo, ND – Whether you’re a faithful fan of Star Trek or not, everyone can get excited about an upcoming visit to Fargo by a famous legendary icon.

The starship USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) is scheduled to come to Fargo for the next AirShow. Captain Kirk’s famous space cruiser will be landing at the Fargo Airport.

You and your whole family will be able to come aboard the actual USS Enterprise and explore it from the inside. Go up to the bridge to sit in the captain’s chair and maybe even honk the horn.

Some of the original crew members will be coming along to answer any questions that you might have. Star Trekers Spock, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov are all planning on making the trip to Fargo to explore strange new worlds and to seek out new life and civilizations.

Lt. Ross Cooper is the official event scheduler for the USS Enterprise. “After travelling to all parts of the universe, we realized that our beloved starship has never been to Fargo, North Dakota”, he says.

“Hopefully folks in Fargo will be as excited about our visit as we all are. Please stop by to see this amazing starship out at the Fargo Airport. We can even beam you aboard so you don’t have to walk up all the stairs.”

World-Wide Jogger Returns Home To Nobody

No Welcome Home. No Celebration. No Nothing.

No Welcome Home. No Celebration. No Nothing.

Joggins, Nova Scotia – Archie Blackburn set out 22 years ago to jog around the entire world. He had jotted this goal down on a bar napkin after a few margaritas and then decided to really do it.

The next day, when he began his trek, many close friends and loving family members wildly cheered him on his way.

After more than two decades of jogging through every country in the world, Archie finally made it back to his own driveway, expecting a huge welcome home party.

Instead, there was no one. Not one sign of human life existed where his home once was, and where his family once lived.

Mr. Blackburn indeed had achieved what he set out to do, to jog around the entire globe. But this goal-jotting globetrotter has no idea what happened to his wife and children and probable grandchildren.

Archie Blackburn, and now his only friend, a giant guardian bumblebee named Buzz, who’s been following and protecting Archie ever since he jogged through South America, finally made it back from a world-wide jogathon only to discover that he was now entering the Twilight Zone.

If you know anything about the where-a-bouts of Archie’s long-lost family, please twitter a tweet to (hashtag) #WheresMyFrickinFamily?

Bean Bag Toss Game Goes Back To Caveman Days

Early cornholers practicing their craft.

Early cornholers practicing their craft.

Moorhead, MN – A new recent archaeological finding shows that cavemen played the Bean Bag Toss game.

This ever-popular game is also called CornHole since bags of corn were used by cavemen during times of abundant harvest to glorify their gods.

Early Game expert Minga Tortendorf says this latest discovery just outside of Moorhead, Minnesota is very important.

“It shows that early cavemen and cavewomen played the Bean Bag Toss game just as we do today” she explains.

“This is the first real evidence that we have of early humans actually playing any type of games.”

The next time you and your family, friends, or co-workers are playing CornHole (or as some simply call it: CornHolio), just imagine the earliest settlers played the exact same game way back around 42,000 B.C.

Minga’s closing thoughts: “By playing CornHolio, it sadly shows that in some ways we have not progressed much at all from Cro-Magnon days. If you really want to show how much we’ve advanced since the dawn of life, perhaps consider having a Bocce Ball tournament, or at least go fly a kite like Thomas Edison for heaven’s sake!”

FM Observer Photo Caption Contest

Caption Contest Photo! (click on pic to zoom in for a better look)

FMO Photo Caption Contest! (Click on picture to zoom in for a better look.)

As promised, it is time once again for another FM Observer Photo Caption Contest!

It’s time to put on your thinking caps and brainstorm your best captions to go with this picture.

There is no limit to the number of entries that you can submit or to the amount of prestige that goes with being named the contest winner.

All entries will be judged by a well-respected international panel of qualified photo caption contest experts from all walks of life.

There are numerous ways to submit your captions for the contest. You can either leave them in the comment section below, or you can easily email them to us at fmobserver@gmail.com, or finally, you can physically drop them off at our sprawling new corporate office complex campus on your way home from the bar.

Note: The big winner of our last photo caption contest won two one-way tickets to Argentina. We assume these two lucky people are having a great time down there since we have not heard a peep from them in over five months. To those two fun-loving thrill-seekers, please check in with us when you can to let everyone know that everything is going as fun as planned. Thanks and Good Luck!

Control Freak Sentenced to 100 Hours Jazz Music

caption here

Judge jazzes up sentence.

Fargo, ND – When a disagreement over how her groceries were being bagged escalated into a screaming brawl, Wanda Tite found herself in handcuffs. Charged with public disturbance, harassment and assault, the mother of three thought she would simply pay her fine and go back to being the boss of everyone in her meticulously organized and disinfected life. She was wrong.

Upon hearing the details of the case, Judge Mel Lowe handed down what some are calling a “radical but awesome” ruling, sentencing Mrs. Tite to 100 hours of jazz music. Terms of the sentence state that the hours are to be endured consecutively in the dark back room of a local dive bar.

The courtroom was silent as Judge Lowe issued his sentence. “If I understand correctly, you went ballistic in a grocery store because your oranges were bagged with your cheese, is that right? You, ma’am, are a control freak. You have a problem. Until you realize that, you are a ticking time bomb in our community. As such, you will learn the hard way what it feels like to have no control whatsoever. You will experience the futility of trying to impart order on an orderless world. This will be your rock bottom. You, ma’am, will listen to jazz.”

Witnesses claim that after hearing the ruling, Wanda Tite frantically tried to straighten all the chairs in the courtroom before curling up in a corner and pulling out all her eyelashes. She was eventually carried away screaming “How can you do this?! Jazz?! I’d rather be dead! You sadist!”

As he brought down his gavel, Judge Lowe was reportedly overheard saying, “Beebeddy bop-zop sooowop-zop bippedy zoowww, next case.”

Critics Argue Federal Prisons Too Comfortable

New federal prison cells said to be too comfortable.

Federal prison cells said to be too comfortable.

Fedhaven, FL – The Federal Bureau of Prisons is under fire for making some of their newest prisons “too comfortable”. A few congressional critics are wondering how the so-called “country club prisons” have started to look more like five-star hotel rooms?

These white-collar Federal Correction Institutions (also sometimes referred to as Club Fed) have housed such infamous convicted criminals as Martha Stewart and Bernie Madoff. In fact, some believe that Martha Stewart is the person most responsible for sparking the tasteful changes that we see today.

Some of the prison cells being criticized have king-sized beds and private on-suite deluxe bathrooms. The Bureau of Prisons defends their actions by stating that their prime directive is to provide guests with safe and humane housing that reflects their core values which are: correctional excellence, respect, and integrity.

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