October 10th, 2016 | by
Nick Washington, DC – After a very tumultuous couple weeks, the Republican National Committee is flailing. The Donald has finally boasted himself out of public favor (for the most part–but some still want to Make America...
October 9th, 2016 | by
Nick Washington, DC – At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump. Reince Preibus was forced to...
September 23rd, 2016 | by
Nick New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data....
September 19th, 2016 | by
Nick Skittletopia, West Virginia – The founding father of one of America’s favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor...
August 18th, 2016 | by
Nick Rochester, NY – Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite...
August 12th, 2016 | by
Nick Fargo, ND – There is high local demand for Pokegoods and Pokeservices now that the hot new app Pokemon Go has taken America by storm. People of all ages are looking to level-up as they embark on a quest to “catch them...
August 3rd, 2016 | by
Nick Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is...
July 14th, 2016 | by
Nick Fargo, ND – A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and...
Fargo, ND – After many years of wondering, pontificating and scouring its whereabouts, the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body has finally revealed itself. Shortly after a gaping sinkhole opened up on 9th avenue and 42nd...
June 30th, 2016 | by
Nick Fargo, ND – As you are surely aware, Valley City’s own Pizza Corner pizza has been bought out by a Minnesota company named Bernatello’s. Much hubbub has been tossed about over the “new...