Warning: Do not try to lift the 99-Pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer by yourself!
Fargo, ND – In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry.
Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for $99.
Pabst Blue Ribbon strongly suggests that their 99-packs of beer be carried by at least two strong people because they weigh in at around 99 pounds.
While attempting to walk out of the store carrying his large 99-pound 99-pack of PBR, Mr. Cantine Pinkney quickly succumbed to the massive weight, and suddenly collapsed into the glass exit door with the entire 99-pack landing directly on top of him causing immediate lights-out for old man Pinkney.
Crushingly, all of the letters in Cantine Pinkney can unfortunately be re-arranged to spell: Ninety-Nine Pack!
Dem Aware, Delaware – After Old Joe Biden ostensibly slurred through his presidential kick-off speech, he was already considered to be the 2020 President-Elect.
To those foolable pundits who thought The Joe-ker slurred through his speech, they be wrong! Old clever Joe was simply talkin’ casual style, with a nice relaxed drawl, to put his listeners at ease. The Joe-ker was just tryin’ to be more relate-able to all the commonfolk out there!
Old Joe said he don’t want Obama to endorse him. The Joe-ker don’t even want nobody to endorse him, cuz Old Joe Biden want to do it all on his own, like a commonfolk kinda guy.
The clear front-runner of all Democratics runnin’ for president wants to do four things to better the country: 1. Old Joe promises to lead the Hate Trump bandwagon. 2. Make all those rich hudge fund managers take extredable cuts to their celery. 3. Hit the campaign trail to start listenin’ to all the commonfolk, touch their shoulders, and smell their hair.