Tag Archives: purchase

Fargo Man Crushed To Death While Trying To Carry 99-Pack Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer

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Warning: Do not try to lift the 99-Pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer by yourself!

Fargo, ND – In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry.

Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for $99.

Pabst Blue Ribbon strongly suggests that their 99-packs of beer be carried by at least two strong people because they weigh in at around 99 pounds.

While attempting to walk out of the store carrying his large 99-pound 99-pack of PBR, Mr. Cantine Pinkney quickly succumbed to the massive weight, and suddenly collapsed into the glass exit door with the entire 99-pack landing directly on top of him causing immediate lights-out for old man Pinkney.

Crushingly, all of the letters in Cantine Pinkney can unfortunately be re-arranged to spell: Ninety-Nine Pack!

Dear Dr. Finance: Is This A Good Time To Buy Gold?

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Dr. Finance has almost completely filled the FMO corporate break room with gold bars.

West Fargo, ND – We recently received a question for our very own Dr. Finance from a Mr. Don Salberg.

Mr. Salberg writes: Dear Dr. Finance, Is this a good time to buy gold?

Dear Don: Yes it is! As the chief financial officer for the FM Observer Corporation, I have green-lighted the buying of gold bars for some time now.

If you buy on a regular basis like we have been doing, you will be able to dollar-cost-average your way into the gold market.

With gold at about $1,200 per ounce, this does seem to be a favorable time to purchase gold.

The FM Observer break room is now almost completely full of pallets of gold bars, and we plan on buying more until there is no more room.

Ironically, all the letters in Don Salberg can be electroplated to spell: Golden Bars!

FMObserver To Purchase City Of Fargo For Undisclosed Number Of Bitcoins

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FMO in talks to purchase City of Fargo

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is in consideration talks to purchase the entire City of Fargo.

Our top-notch negotiators have been assiduously working on securing a mutually beneficial deal with the City of Fargo.

Since it is so difficult to ascertain an accurate dollar value of the City of Fargo, an overall appraisal is trying to be calculated in bitcoins.

Once the bitcoin value has been determined and agreed upon, negotiations will then proceed until both parties see eye-to-eye and ceremonially shake hands.

After the FM Observer has taken over full ownership of Fargo, things will seamlessly move forward without any noticeable changes for those who live here except perhaps all the new signage indicating that Fargo, along with everyone and everything in it, will now be owned and operated by the FM Observer.