FMO’s Buddy Driscoll Will Be Driving The #99 Car In The Daytona 500 Race

Leave a reply
caption here

“Bloody” Buddy Driscoll will be driving the #99 car in the Daytona 500 for the FM Observer Team!

Daytona Beach, FL – The FM Observer will be watching the Daytona 500 this year with an extra element of excitement.

Buddy “Bloody” Driscoll will be our designated driver and driving the #99 Nascar in hopes of taking the checkered flag for the FM Observer Team after 200 times around the track.

Buddy, who is 52 years young, will drive a green Toyota Tercel while his brother Dickie Driscoll, who was born under a car, will be his pit crew chief.

Bloody Buddy Driscoll grew up racing in Ireland where he blew away his competition while winning over the crowds with his “aggressive” style. After most of his races, he ended up quite bloody, thus his catchy nickname: Bloody Driscoll.

Buddy credits all his success in his stellar career to one proven strategery: Use what’s working and throw the rest out the window! While racing, Buddy has one singular focus and that is on pure speed, because Buddy always says: Speed Wins Races!

FMObserver To Purchase City Of Fargo For Undisclosed Number Of Bitcoins

Leave a reply

FMO in talks to purchase City of Fargo

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is in consideration talks to purchase the entire City of Fargo.

Our top-notch negotiators have been assiduously working on securing a mutually beneficial deal with the City of Fargo.

Since it is so difficult to ascertain an accurate dollar value of the City of Fargo, an overall appraisal is trying to be calculated in bitcoins.

Once the bitcoin value has been determined and agreed upon, negotiations will then proceed until both parties see eye-to-eye and ceremonially shake hands.

After the FM Observer has taken over full ownership of Fargo, things will seamlessly move forward without any noticeable changes for those who live here except perhaps all the new signage indicating that Fargo, along with everyone and everything in it, will now be owned and operated by the FM Observer.

Motivational Speaker Marv Hoppler Coming To Fargo For Some Accelerated Sessions

Leave a reply

Dr. Marv Hoppler thinks Fargo folks need some major help and he is willing to bring it to Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is proud to announce that Marv Hoppler will be coming to Fargo soon to do what he is famous for: Motivational Speaking!

Dr. Hoppler has won numerous awards as one of the best motivational speakers in the country.

His focus for this upcoming visit to Fargo will be how to accelerate your life in order to get up to speed with the rest of the country.

Marv in his own inspirational words: “Compared to other parts of America, Fargo people always seem be a few steps behind as far as their Speed Of Life. This special presentation that I have planned will provide some accelerated sessions on How to Accelerate Your Life and blast off into the stratophere to reach your full potential!”

Marv Hoppler will also be autographing his latest books which are entitled: How To Harvest Your Life’s Weeds For Maximum Profit Potential!, and Move To The Front Of The Class Up There With All The Real Smart People!

If you are interested in booking your power seat at the upcoming Marv Hoppler motivational Accelerational Sessions, simply call our front office and ask for Connie. Mention the magic words “Blast Off” for an instant 10% discount on any of Marv’s marvelous motivational materials which will be sold in the back of the auditorium by members of Marv’s large staff.

Trump To Introduce Family’s New Pet Llama Whose Name Is Dolly

Leave a reply

The newest addition to the Trump First Family: Dolly the Llama!

Washington, DC – Breaking from long-standing tradition once again, instead of introducing a new First Dog to the country as most presidents have done in the past, President Donald Trump and his First Family will be unveiling their new pet llama named Dolly.

As it was a gift from the Bolivian Llama Party, the First Llama hails from Bolivia where llamas are often adopted to become close members of Bolivian families who almost treat them as equals.

Dolly will freely roam the grounds of the White House for visitors to pet and perhaps even ride.

However, be forewarned that if she is overloaded with too much weight, Dolly the Llama may spit, hiss, or even kick, much like many Democrats have been doing ever since the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th president.

Elderly Fargo Man Will Not Pay His Property Taxes Until Diversion Is Done

Leave a reply

Why the heck should I have to pay my property taxes until that Diversion is done, eh?

Fargo, ND – A long-time resident of Fargo who was one of the first to originally support the Red River Diversion feels that the city needs a little extra motivation to get the job done.

So, Harold Myerson is planning on not paying his property taxes until the project has been completed.

Mr. Myerson calls it his “silent protest”.

“Yeah, it might seem a bit passive aggressive by some for me to not pay my property taxes but, by jove, I’ve been waiting more than a decade now and we ain’t even to square one yet, dammit!”, barks Harold, who is believed to be about 87 and a half years old.

We asked Harold Myerson if he was perhaps just using the Red River Diversion as an excuse to threaten non-payment of his property taxes, to which he quickly replied:

“Well, what the hell! Hey, just who the heck are you, asking me questions about what I choose to do with my property, and my right to exercise constitutional liberties guaranteed to me by the Bill of Rights?,” retorted the cantankerous old fellow.

We did have a few other questions for Mr. Harold Myerson but decided to save those for another day.

Jamba Joot To Headline Fargo Reggae Fest

Leave a reply

Dennis Brown: “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.”

Fargo, ND – This summer’s highly anticipated Fargo Reggae Fest is excitedly stoked to announce that Jamba Joot will be the headlining act at this year’s all-star event.

Jamba Joot has played at literally every Reggae Fest in the world except for the Fargo Reggae Fest, but luckily that will soon no longer be true.

Event organizer Marley Dreadstone says that along with main headliner Jamba Joot, the 2017 Fargo Reggae Fest will loudly and proudly also include the following world-class Reggae bands: Zero Zero, Silver Haze, Low Ride, Jah Mon, The Brownies, Fourth World, Papa Z, and Tropic Of Cancer.

Tickets for the Fargo Reggae Fest will be available wherever tickets are sold, or you can just buy them at the gate and then join in with the parti, mon!

Jah Jones says: “Ef yah wantah parti mon, dis is de way cool plais fah da Reggae moozeek!”

Dr. Pepper Advises All His Patients To Drink More Soda Pop

Leave a reply

Dr. Pepper says when it comes to drinking healthy, the more the better, mmkay?.

Pepper Pike, OH – Dr. Pepper, who’s become a well-known physician throughout the country because of his promotion of health on his television show, is encouraging all his patients to drink more soda pop.

“In the North they drink pop and down South they call it soda, but wherever you live and whatever you call it, you need to drink more of it,” preaches Dr. Pepper, while examining a patient.

Studies show that soda pop is a wonderful source of sugar which provides the body with an excellent source of energy, prevents brain black-outs, instantly cures depression, raises blood pressure for those whose is too low, and helps maintain healthy looking skin, while at the same time benefiting the green environment.

Dr. Pepper sums it up this way: “There are some soda pops that are better for you than others, but I’ll leave that up to you as to which one to choose. I, personally would recommend drinking Dr. Pepper. Trust me, I’m a doctor!”

ND Lawmakers Vote To Cut Their Own Pay And Always Wear Jeans

Leave a reply

North Dakota to wear jeans while making state legendary again.

Bismarck, ND – Following the new theme of reinventing government, North Dakota lawmakers have voted to cut their own pay by 15%.

“This will show the legendary people of North Dakota that we are serious about making North Dakota great again,” said a blue jeans-wearing caucus leader during an afternoon tea break.

The full legislative body also voted unanimously to make the wearing of blue jeans the new official state protocol pants when those who were elected to represent the people of North Dakota are in session to make North Dakota legendary again.

“We feel that blue jeans represent us rolling up our sleeves and trying to actually get some real work done for our constituents who are probably back home also wearing jeans in the towns and precincts that we represent,” said a senate leader who was working his lariat to rope up his caucus members for a chamber vote.

Legendary studies have also shown that people are way more productive and “just work better”, if you will, when they don’t have to wear a fracking suite and tie which are quite constrictive in more ways than one.

Yes, my friends, there is now a new feeling in Bismarck and throughout the rest of the legendary state of North Dakota that our best days are in front of us, if we all just stand arm-in-arm, singing in perfect harmony, while always wearing blue jeans…and a sweater.

Man Dies When Far-Sighted Reptile Mistakes Him For Large Rodent

Leave a reply

Large legally-blind lizard mistakenly devours small neighbor man like a rodent snack.

Dilworth, MN – The Minnesota Animal Task Force has reported that a large reptilian pet that escaped from its steel cage gradually wandered over into a nearby neighbor’s yard where it consumed a small man.

The victim was a diminutive gentleman by the name of Dr. Nome Fletcher, a retired motivational speaker who lived alone after his entire family joined Scientology.

The reptile was a full-grown monitor lizard whose name was Mahluq, which is the Uzbeki word for ‘monster’.

The reptile’s owner, Umid Ruslan, explained that his pet monitor lizard Mahluq had always had a hard time seeing things close up as it suffered from hyperopia when Umid adopted him from the Humane Society.

Mahluq’s owner believes that his monitor lizard maybe mistook Dr. Fletcher for some sort of rodent such as a capybara or perhaps even a nutria.

“I had always wanted to get Mahluq some glasses,” said Umid regretfully, “but there’s just not a lot of places that make eyeglasses for monitor lizards.”

Obama Ninja Army Fighting Climate Change

Leave a reply

Fighting climate change from BEYOND THE POLITICAL GRAVE

Pictured: a gas pump that has been damaged beyond repair. An act seemingly definitely maybe perpetrated by the Obama Night Administration, a not-for-profit band of specific ninjai. 

Chicago, IL – It is potentially alleged that in the smoldering wake of his White House tenure, former President Obama has been using covert operations to keep the cherished climate change initiative alive.

Fake News has learned that enemy gas pumps across our great heartland are maybe definitely being attacked in the night, unprobably likely by members of a secret ninja army fronted by Barack Obama.

Reports of convenience store vandalism are pretty much kinda almost sort of widespread. Charging stations are untouched, whereas gas stations are being ruthlessly damaged, it has been certainly possibly purported. We mostly do not not believe that Obama’s ever-expanding legion of stealth-mode assassins playfully named the Obama Night Administration is behind these attacks.

These reports of vandalism are made available to the people via Fake News outlets. Fake News is here to tell you what’s really possibly maybe going on.

Fake News is everywhere. It’s on mainstream media, the DarkWeb, the DeepWeb, the InterWeb, the OuterWeb, et al. Try to avoid it and you will fail.