New Family Fun Game For The Holidaze: Add-On Swear Word!

Leave a reply
caption here

The 1st person says a swear word. The 2nd person says the 1st swear word and adds a 2nd swear word. The 3rd person has to say all the previous swear words and then add another one, and so on and so forth. It’s fun, for the whole fucking family!

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is rolling out a new family-fun game just in time for the fucking holidays. It’s called Add-On Swear Word!

One brave family member simply starts it off by saying a swear word out loud.

Taking turns going clockwise, each next person has to say all the previous swear words in order from first to last, and then add another swear word to the end of the fucking list.

As the list gets longer and longer, this game is sure to bring your family closer together during the blessed holiday season.

Add-On Swear Word has also been shown to increase the vocabulary of the younger generations while being a good memory exercise for those with mild or severe dementia.

The Ralph Engelstad Arena Being Dismantled Brick By Brick

Leave a reply
Bricks for sale as "The Ralph" is deconstructed as response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Bricks for sale as “The Ralph” is deconstructed in response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Grand Forks, ND – On the same day that out-going UND President Robert Kelley announced that the Fighting Sioux will now forever after be called the Fighting Hawks, workers quietly began the slow and painful process of taking down the Ralph Engelstad Arena according to the benefactor’s original instructions.

Back when “The Ralph” was first being built, Ralph Engelstad said that if the Fighting Sioux nickname ever fell victim to political correctness, he would have this most beautiful hockey palace taken down brick by brick.

As the Ralph Engelstad Arena is torn down, bricks will be auctioned off one-by-one along with everything else in the building, until everything is gone, and the site is once again back to what it once was, an open grassy piece of land where the Fighting Sioux once lived.

With Turkey Shortage From Bird Flu, Many Opting For Emu On Thanksgiving Table

Leave a reply
caption hier

Give thanks with an emu.

Birdseye, Utah – After losing millions of turkeys to the avian flu, the resulting turkey shortage is causing many to seek an alternative for their traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

At the very first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims had to settle for eating turkey which were in abundance, while their first choice, the emu, was not to be found in North America at that time.

Now the tables have turned. Emu ranchers who are long on emu are providing stores with a wonderful alternative to the traditional turkey.

In order to roast an emu, you will need an oven about the size of a Yugo. Whereas one turkey feeds a family of five, one emu will feed a family of fifteen (or two families of seven and a half).

Emu cooking tips can be found at this website.

For anyone interested in becoming an emu rancher, please contact Dr. Dromornithids and mention that you read this article to receive two free emus as a starter pack to get things going.

Horoscopes For The Week Of November 15, 2015

1 Reply
Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena

Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena

Aries (March 21 – April 19) The Ram
Avoid getting drawn into a conversation with a stranger today. Not so much because he’s a stranger, but because he’s just way too excited for you to see what’s in the back of his van.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The Bull
A mid-week rush of energy will inspire you to make big changes in your life, but once that leftover Halloween candy runs out you’ll be right back to complete apathy.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The Twins
The good news is that mole you’ve been watching for weeks is not cancerous. The bad news is you seriously need glasses and that mole is a Lyme disease-carrying tick.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The Crab
Even though wishing doesn’t make it so, just the thought of your boss being eaten alive by rabid raccoons will provide much needed therapeutic relief later this week.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) The Lion
Although your nephew is always awestruck when you find a quarter behind his ear, it will become painfully obvious that Officer Johnson does not share your nephew’s appreciation of magic.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) The Maiden
Your world will be rocked this week when a casual family dinner conversation reveals the shocking truth that pickles are in fact just small fermented cucumbers.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) The Scales
You will be tempted to follow the crowd this week, but try to remember that one person is not a crowd and the restraining order against you is still in effect.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) The Scorpion
Your lucky numbers this week are 8 6 7 5 3 0 9. Actually, the stars just think it’s super funny that you’re going to have that damn Tommy Tutone song stuck in your head all day.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) The Centaur/Archer
Challenging yourself could reap big rewards this week. However, trying to say “Jurassic!” 20 times a day isn’t exactly the type of challenge that pays noticeable dividends.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) The Sea-Goat
One of your prayers will be answered this week. Unfortunately, God is way behind on answering prayers, so you may want to make room for that pony.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) The Water-Bearer
Experimenting with yet another questionable internet facial treatment will not only leave you with egg on your face, but Salmonella in your eye as well.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) The Fish
Your nurturing side will be inclined to comfort those around you this week, but your psychotic side has drastically different plans for them.

Past horoscopes

Ancient Roman Ruins Found Just South Of Jamestown, North Dakota

Leave a reply
Early Roman settlement found South of Jamestown, North Dakota

Early Roman settlement found South of Jamestown, North Dakota

Gackle, ND – A lone deer hunter accidentally discovered some ancient Roman ruins near the town of Gackle, North Dakota.

The Romans are believed to have settled in this rural area of North Dakota after Columbus gave them a ride to America on the Santa Maria.

It is believed that while here, digging for Tyrannosaurus rex bones (which unfortunately became extinct because they tried to raise their minimum wage to exorbitant levels), the Romans were killed off by the Fighting Sioux out of Grand Forks, who were in turn, later wiped out by the NCAA, a notorious left-leaning bureaucracy specializing in political correctness.

To view these amazing Roman ruins with your very own eyes, simply drive straight South out of Jamestown down to County Road 46. Then head on West towards Gackle where you’ll turn onto County Road 56. Go a few miles South where you will want to eventually turn left onto an unmarked gravel road which is near an old barn that’s seen better days. Drive down that gravel road “for awhile” until you see a barbwire fence by some circular hay bales which look like unfrosted maxi-wheats. Then, get out of your car with your camera and cigarettes, and walk about a half mile in any direction, and yell: “Where the hell am I?!”

Edible Cricket Farming Providing Many Fargo Families Extra Income During Sluggish Obama Economy

Leave a reply
Many struggling families buying a ticket to the edible cricket farming business.

Many struggling families buying a ticket to the edible cricket farming business.

Fargo, ND – With healthcare costs becoming more and more unaffordable due to increasing premiums and deductibles under the UnAffordable Care Act, many Fargo families have turned to edible cricket farming in an effort to help make ends meet.

Edible cricket farmer Torok Kadosa believes his new cricket farming business will allow Santa to bring at least one nice present to each of his four children for Christmas this year, in spite of what Obamacare has done to slow our once-roaring economy to a meow.

Mr. Kadosa and his family have also become quite fond of cooking and eating crickets, as have many green restaurants to which edible cricket farmers sell most of their crickets.

Torok says “you can boil them, broil them, bake them, or saute the little guys.” He has even tried cricket-kabobs, cricket creole, and cricket gumbo.

Some restaurants have been successfully serving pan fried crickets, deep fried crickets, and even spicy stir fried crickets.

Mr. Kodosa also suggests making cricket soup, cricket stew, and cricket burgers.

If you would like more information on starting your own edible cricket farm, simply go to Start A Cricket Farm and enter promo code “Cricket To Me!”

For Thanksgiving, Win Your Family A Trip To Turkey!

Leave a reply
Four free nights for a family of four at the Grand Turkey Hotel.

4 nights 4 a family of 4 at the Grand Turkey Hotel!

Fatsa, Turkey – Readers of the FM Observer are invited to submit their application for a trip-of-a-lifetime to Turkey for Thanksgiving.

In your application, briefly explain why you and your family should be selected for this most special holiday trip to the homeland of the Turkey.

The chosen winning family will stay at a 3-star hotel and provided a full turkey dinner each and every day, cooked just the way the locals have eaten it for centuries.

If it’s not raining, travel the picturesque countryside being pulled by horse on a hay wagon while being serenaded by hand-made mandolins.

Stop to purchase spices ground in mortar and pestles dating back to the Byzantine Empire.

Everything included, the trip will only cost you $3,850 per person, not including U.S. and Turkish duty taxes, and plus a 15% finder’s fee for the FM Observer.

Start packing your bags because the time is now, and the place is Turkey!

Volunteers Needed As Fargo Seeks To Break Beer Drinking Record

Leave a reply
caption here

Volunteer to drink some beer!

Fargo, ND – Worthy volunteers are being sought as Fargo gears up to break the world record for the most amount of binge beer drinking performed during a 48-hour weekend.

The record Fargo seeks to break is “average per capita beer drunk by a group of 250 beer drinkers during 48 hours from 6PM on Friday to 6PM on Sunday”.

Madison, Wisconsin currently holds this world record. Last year, their group of 250 beer drinkers each drank an average of 49 pints of beer.

If you think you have what it takes to help Fargo break the record, and would like to volunteer to be a member of this elite recording-breaking drinking group, please sign up at any of the downtown Fargo bars.

World’s Fastest Banjo Player Coming To Fargo To Do Free Banjo Workshops

Leave a reply
caption here

Banjo Joe is the hummingbird of banjo pickers.

Pickens, West Virginia – The undisputed fastest banjo player in the world is coming to Fargo, North Dakota!

Ol’ Joe Perkins has long been the fastest banjo player in the world.

Banjo Joe first became the world’s fastest banjo player when he was just 19 years old, and has held the title every year for the last seventy years.

He was once clocked picking his banjo at 138 mph.

Clarence “Picker” Chitlins once described Banjo Joe as “the hummingbird of banjo pickers!”

If you are a banjo player looking for some life-changing inspiration, or just want to be totally amazed, Ol’ Joe Perkins will be doing some free workshops at the new Death Valley Retirement Home in Fargo.

Horoscopes For The Week Of November 1, 2015

1 Reply
Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena

Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena

Aries (March 21 – April 19) The Ram
You may want to record all conversations with your partner this week, because there’s no way your friends are going to believe the epic tsunami of profanity that is about to flow out of you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The Bull
Although your fear of needles will nearly derail your flu shot, your I’m-getting-ready-to-bolt-from-this-germy-clinic-chair OCD routine will keep you paralyzed just long enough to get ‘er done.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The Twins
If you see a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have good luck. Assuming you can outrun that panhandler, who isn’t really blind after all.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) The Crab
Be wary when a coworker asks you for help this week. If he’s smart enough to mastermind a company-wide conspiracy to get you fired, he’s smart enough to fake a heart attack to accomplish his goals.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) The Lion
Shifting patterns in the outer planetary orbits will do absolutely nothing to save you from your complete lack of common sense this weekend.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) The Maiden
The stars are warning that you only have 2 more chances to say “I guess we’re not in Kansas anymore” before a certain Subway Sandwich Artist beats the crap out of you in the parking lot.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) The Scales
Advice from a friend may seem confusing this week, but it’s only because that person isn’t really your friend, and “Learn to drive, moron!” isn’t really advice.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) The Scorpion
It would be in your best interest to pause a moment after the neighbor kid asks “Why are you so fat?” It could mean the difference between community service and life in prison.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) The Centaur/Archer
Remember that every journey starts with a single step. Also remember that hot coals are really, really hot.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) The Sea-Goat
The onset of cool autumn weather leads you to rekindle an old flame this week, which brings comfort during a bleak time. Come on cheapass, just light your furnace already.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) The Water-Bearer
When driving at night, if you have the thought, “Hmmm, so that’s what an actual deer in the headlights looks like”, stop thinking and just slam on your brakes.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) The Fish
With Venus rising in Mars, your intuition will be keen this week when it comes to romance. Bonus tip: You should probably just go ahead and double down on Haagen-Dazs at the grocery store tonight.

Past horoscopes