Tag Archives: fargo

Fargo Man Enjoys Big Mac That’s Been In His Fridge For 30 Years

Leave a reply

After 30 years, this Big Mac tasted almost as good as the day it was made.

Fargo, ND – Mr. Cambi Gold of rural Fargo recently discovered something in the back of his refrigerator that had apparently been there for 30 years.

To Mr. Gold’s amazement, his 30-year-old Big Mac sandwich looked almost exactly the same as it did three long decades ago.

Since it still looked good enough to eat, Cambi decided to warm it up in his oven and give it a try.

Cambi Gold in his own words: “I was pleasantly surprised to taste that Big Mac flavor that everyone expects when they’re fresh off the McDonald’s grill.”

When we asked Mr. Gold how he remembered when he originally purchased the Big Mac, he said that it was on the very same day he got divorced and this particular Big Mac had mistakenly been ordered for his ex-wife.

Ironically, all of the letters in Cambi Gold can be re-arranged to spell: Old Big Mac!

Fargo Man Impaled By Large Icicle Doesn’t Notice It Until He Gets Home To His Wife

Leave a reply

Those large high-hanging icicles can become quite a headache!

Fargo, ND – Yes, it’s that dangerous time of the year once again when large icicles are precariously hanging high above the Downtown Fargo sidewalks.

Such was the case when Mr. Ace Leidich slowly sauntered along while unknowingly entering a red-zone area with very large icicles hanging from the rooftop sixty four feet up.

Unfortunately for Ace, one of the larger and more pointed icicles suddenly broke off as he was almost directly below it.

After a two second drop, the rather large icicle got stuck in the head of Mr. Ace Leidich.

Of course, being North Dakota tough, Ace did not realize he had an icicle stuck is his head until he got home, where Mrs. Leidich casually asked about it.

Pointedly, all of the letters in “Ace Leidich” can be melted down into spelling: Icicle Head!

Executive Directors Named For Fargo’s New Combo Church/Hospital

Leave a reply

At the new Amen Church Hospital is where religion and healthcare meet.

Fargo, ND – The new Amen Church Hospital has named Peter and Paul Christianson as executive directors as the project moves forward toward final fruition.

The Amen Church Hospital will be the first of its kind in the nation: A fully functioning hospital which also has all the normal underpinnings of a full-blown church.

The new co-executive directors are two brothers, each of whom are both pastors and physicians, as were each of their parents.

Peter and Paul Christianson explain it like this: “What could be better than having full communion with your entire congregation while you are literally being prepared for a colonoscopy during the Lord’s Prayer?”

If you would like to attend the Amen Church Hospital, please show up for either the church worship service or get admitted to the hospital, which are basically one in the same.

Moorhead’s Turkey Mitigation Program Getting High Marks

Leave a reply

Let’s Talk Turkey!

Moorhead, MN – The City of Moorhead is having a special all-city meeting to talk turkey.

With a problematic over-abundance of wild turkeys, all options are on the table.

Option #1: Turkey Adoption Program (TAP) would ask Moorhead residents to adopt one (1) wild turkey and keep it in the confines of their fenced back yard with the idea that if kept apart, there would be less wild turkeys in the future.

Option #2: Slingshot some of Moorhead’s wild turkeys into Fargo with the idea being: Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of Moorhead!

Option #3: Market Moorhead Turkey Jerky at all the local convenience stores with the idea that if you can’t beat them, then just eat them. (Another variation here would be for Moorhead to celebrate Thanksgiving monthly.)

Option #4: Gather up all the wild turkeys and turn them into Wild Turkey Bourbon to be used as the centerpiece of Moorhead’s Annual Wild Turkey Bourbon Fest.

No Parking On Streets Of Fargo After 4+ Inches Of Snow Has Fallen

Leave a reply

After 4+ inches of snow, can I be parked on the street? No!

Fargo, ND – A new and much stricter parking law in Fargo may leave many street parkers surprised when they come out to look for their vehicle.

In order to help the snow plows do their job more quickly, after four or more inches of snow has fallen, any owners with cars parked on the streets of Fargo will have their vehicles compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability at the city’s impound lot.

Q: What should owners do with their street-parked cars after 4+ inches of snow has fallen?

A: Perhaps go for a leisurely drive, or go park your car in Moorhead until your street has been properly cleared by the city plows.

Q: Can I get my car back after it’s been impounded?

A: Yes, but it will have been compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability.

Teams Of Foreign Specialists Coming To Fargo To Study The Mating Habits Of Fargo Natives

Leave a reply

Mating habits of Fargo folks to be closely examined by Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs and his team of sexperts.

Fargo, ND – Fully equipped with lab coats and clipboards, multiple teams of mating habit specialists from various foreign countries will soon be descending upon Fargo for a long-term scientific study.

Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs will head up the research group comprised of experts from a dozen countries that are particularly interested in the mating habits of Fargo natives.

The scientific study team selected Fargo, North Dakota as the focus of their study based on numerous factors, including 1. general remoteness, 2. extreme weather, 3. excessive alcohol consumption, 4. regional birth rates, and 5. cultural diversity.

Dr. Notti-Figgs explains that their mating habit research study of people native to Fargo will be divided into three (3) main groupings:

◘ Volunteer Video Ventures (V.V.V.)
◘ Secret Stealth Studies (S.S.S.)
◘ Mating Methods Matter (M.M.M.)

If you would like to volunteer for the V.V.V. study, please contact Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs and his team.

If you would like to not be included in the S.S.S., please maximize the privacy settings on your smartphone, smart TV, and any other smart devices in your home and office.

Interestingly, all the letters in Abraham Notti-Figgs can be re-arranged to spell: Fargo Mating Habits!

How To Find Your Groove Pattern (Before It’s Too Late)

Leave a reply

Dr. Moose Gravert can help you find your Groove Pattern in the comfort of your own home.

Groove Park, USA – Have you been thinking you need to find your Groove Pattern?

Many just like you have been yearningly searching for their Groove Pattern before that window completely shuts in their life.

Luckily, your FM Observer has invited Dr. Moose Gravert to conduct some Groove Pattern workshops right here in River City.

Dr. Moose Gravert speaks:

“If you don’t like where you’re at, move to another Groove Pattern. Once we get into the right Groove Pattern, we’re like athletes in the zone.

You can always tell when a Groove Pattern is not working. Finding your Groove Pattern makes life flow better. When you get the right Groove Pattern going, time just flies. When you’re in a Groove Pattern, there is no thinking. Everything just happens.

There’s a feeling behind a Groove Pattern. A good Groove Pattern releases adrenaline in your body like the feeling when you’ve won a prize. You feel that energy. You feel uplifted, centered, calm, and powerful. That’s what good Groove Patterns are all about.

When you’re in a good Groove Pattern, you’re not spinning your wheels. You’re moving forward in a straight and narrow path, unwavering in your purpose. A Groove Pattern is the best place in the world. Because when you are in it, you have the freedom to explore your world.”

Groovily, all of the letters in Moose Gravert can be re-arranged to spell: Groove Master!

People’s Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers

Leave a reply

Unanimous vote for the death penalty to any jaywalkers in Downtown Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The People’s Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty.

The head of the People’s Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: “Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly recommend the death penalty for any and all jaywalkers.”

“Also, we strongly believe that anyone caught with a parked car on the streets of Fargo after four or more inches of snow has fallen should also receive the death penalty after their car has been quickly compacted into a small, stackable, one foot cube for easy removal.”

If you have a differing opinion on these matters, you’re invited to speak out against them at the next meeting of the People’s Militia Group.

Punishingly, all of the letters in Janik Longway can be re-arranged into: No Jaywalking!

Fargo Man Crushed To Death While Trying To Carry 99-Pack Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer

Leave a reply

Warning: Do not try to lift the 99-Pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer by yourself!

Fargo, ND – In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry.

Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for $99.

Pabst Blue Ribbon strongly suggests that their 99-packs of beer be carried by at least two strong people because they weigh in at around 99 pounds.

While attempting to walk out of the store carrying his large 99-pound 99-pack of PBR, Mr. Cantine Pinkney quickly succumbed to the massive weight, and suddenly collapsed into the glass exit door with the entire 99-pack landing directly on top of him causing immediate lights-out for old man Pinkney.

Crushingly, all of the letters in Cantine Pinkney can unfortunately be re-arranged to spell: Ninety-Nine Pack!

Sign Up To Win A Chance To Host Cher In Your Fargo Home During The Nights Of Her Concert

Leave a reply

Cher wants to Share a night with you in your home! Just make sure you have some Chery Coke on hand!

Fargo, ND – As part of her Final Outreach Tour, Cher wants to stay in the home of some lucky Fargo family in April 2020!

Sign up to win a chance to host Cher in your master bedroom during her two night stay in Fargo, before she scoots off to Green Bay, Wisconsin for her next big concert!

Email us all your personal contact information, along with your favorite Cher songs, and ten reasons why you love Cher!

Also explain why you think your home should be chosen to host Cher!

Please include a picture of your family, your pets, your home, and your master bedroom…where Cher might sleep!