Author Archives: Bill Burns

About Bill Burns

Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.

call of duty ghosts xbox 360

Call of Duty: Ghosts – Xbox 360 Review – It Sucks

call of duty ghosts xbox 360

 

Call of Duty: Ghosts was released for the Xbox 360 on November 5, 2013.  Let me start off by saying I have played all the Call of Duty games starting from Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.  I’ve put a countless number of hours into them.  I think I was around 25 days playing time in Call of Duty 4.  I look back now and realize that that is a ridiculous amount of time to spend on a game however my playing time in Return to Castle Wolfenstein back in the year 2001 was probably higher.

Lets get to the review.

I bought Call of Duty: Ghosts on a whim.  After Black Ops 1 (second favorite call of duty) I started getting sick of the series and transferred over to Battlefield.  I bought Ghosts due to the fact that it would be released on the Xbox One as well.  I purchased the digital version which I now know was a big mistake because I would have sold my copy already to recoup some of the money I wasted on this giant turd.

Single Player

Can’t comment on that as I haven’t even played it yet.  My review is strictly based on multiplayer.

 

Multiplayer

Boy oh boy how the mighty have fallen.  How a billion dollar company can produce such a turd of a game is pretty sad.  I popped in the game and went straight to multiplayer.  After five minutes I already hated the game.

It’s boring.

I don’t know how else to explain it.  It’s simply boring.  The textures are very very bland and uninspiring.  Players blend in with their environment so much you can’t see shit.  I went into a corner to lay down, regain my health, and re-load my gun.  A player literally went on top of me and laid down.  He didn’t even know I was there.  If he did then that dude was just a gay perv.

The spawning points suck so……so bad.  They have been getting worse in every game released since call of duty 4.  No longer are people able to hold down an area.  They will spawn behind you and it happens ALL…….THE…..TIME.  Kiss your kill streaks goodbye too.  They are worthless in this game.  Hardly anyone gets any good streaks going because you are too busy getting shot in the fucking back.

You die more easily in this game.  It’s like you are playing hardcore mode at all-times.  Takes one to two shots most of the time to down someone.  No more gun battles which is disappointing because that’s what I like about the Call of Duty series.  Whoever sees each other first will win.  Pew pew you’re dead.  Hit markers are not consistent either.

Quickscoping?  Oh yea.  It’s still here.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag

The whole menu and options are boring as hell to.  You don’t unlock weapons and items by completing challenges anymore.  You get tokens.  Yay!  You will earn tokens while playing and you use that to unlock weapons, perks, accessories etc etc.  You can customize your soldiers outfit somewhat but who cares.  BOOOOORRRRINNG.  I liked that you could design your own emblem in Black Ops.  There is non of that in this game.  No recording either.

It encourages camping and teabagging.  Yea…..teabagging.  Teabagging was cool, what, 15 years ago?  The maps are so damn big that the only way to get any kills is to camp.  You go anywhere out in the open and you’re usually dead immediately.  If they are trying to copy Battlefield then they should make an entirely different game because it just ain’t gonna work.

It’s boring.  Did I say that already?

The graphics are terrible on the Xbox 360.  However I’m sure they will be better on the Xbox One.  UAV’s are worthless.  You get a SatCom now.  WTF?  You deploy it.  Doesn’t do shit for anyone anymore.  Kill streaks suck but that doesn’t matter. You won’t get them anyways.

I tried to like this game.  I was searching for anything to justify my stupid purchase but it didn’t happen.  I’m up to about a day in playing time now but it doesn’t get any better.  You can tell right away in this game that they didn’t put much time and effort into it.  I feel ripped off.  How they don’t have a polished game after releasing 500 Call of Dutys is pretty pathetic.  The franchise is officially dead in my book.

This game is a total disaster.  Please, for the love of god don’t buy it.

Did I say it’s boring?

xbox one versus playstation 4

Xbox One VS PS4 Fanboy Off

xbox one versus playstation 4

The Xbox One and the PS4 are set to be released this November.  This leaves the fanboys of each console at war with each other.

They have taken to Twitter and Facebook to do battle!

 

Round 1

xboxonesucks

Winner  – Playstationps4sucks

 

Round 2

ps4sucks2

Winner – Microsoft

xboxonesucks2

Round 3

xboxonesucks4

ps4 sucks big time

Winner – Microsoft – This guy sure does like hashtags

 

Round 4

ps4sucks6

Winner – Microsoft

 xboxonesucks5

Round 5

xboxonesucks7

Winner – Playstation

ps4sucks7

and the winner is……………..

cat gift

Winner by TKO

Microsoft

dont do it

Don’t You Dare Put That Dick Pic Of Yours On The Internet

dont do itHave you ever been searching the internet and randomly ran into something you were absolutely not looking for?  For example, you were surfing Tumblr or any other blog site.  It’s 11 a.m on a Saturday morning.  You’re feeling great. You thank god for letting you experience another day in the fabulous realm called human life.  You fire up your old trusty computer and type in google.com.  Feeling nostalgic, you search for old pictures of past decades which leads to you Tumblr or any other personal blog site.  You’re scrolling down with pure excitement as you’re looking at all the pictures of things you remember of your past childhood.  Just as you were enjoying yourself you scroll down just a little bit more and BAM……dick pics.  Dick pics out of nowhere.

If you are reading this and are guilty of putting dick pics on the internet, let me explain some things to you.

First of all, women don’t want to see your little wiener on the internet.  Wieners are not attractive.  From a female’s AND male’s perspective.  What makes you think a stranger on the internet wants to see your penis?  Nobody.  Nobody wants to see your willy poking out of the bush.

So much garbage is already on the internet we don’t need to be worrying about running into your dick pics as well.  If you ARE going to do it, it’s probably a good idea to not include your face.  What if your mom, sister, or aunt was searching the internet and accidentally landed on your dick pics?  Me, being the nice guy that I am, I wouldn’t wish that odd conversation you would be having with your mom on anyone.  No woman is sitting there thinking, “Yes!  I finally found Mr. Right.  I could NOT for the LIFE OF ME find a good guy who has dick pics on the internet.”

So, is that too much to ask?  Not having to worry about running into dick picks?  Put popeye back in your pants and go do something constructive outside, ok?  Thanks.

miley cyrus

Objects Miley Cyrus Has Not Violated

Miley Cyrus has violated a lot of objects over the past few months.  However, there are a lot of objects Miley Cyrus has not gotten to yet.

 

these poodles

poodles

 

 

these witches brooms

witches brooms

 

 this john deere tractor

john deer tractor

 

 

this salt shaker

salt shaker

 

 

all of the marvel heroes

marvel heros

 

 

this power drill

power drill

 

 

miss piggy and kermit the frog

miss piggy and kermit the frog

 

this battleship

battleship

 

 

this guy

wheres waldo

 

 

this coffee maker

coffee maker

 

 

your grandma

your grandma

 

and thank god she hasn’t got to this signed larry bird jersey yet

larry bird

Hashtag Pro

The Pro Hashtagger

What better way to spend your time than hashtagging the shit out of something.  Whenever I see a picture with hashtags the first thing I think of is, “How can I hashtag the ever living shit out of this thang.”

The commentator below decided the picture alone as well as the comments section didn’t have enough hashtags.  Through hell and high water were they going to leave this picture without the proper hashtags.  If a giant asteroid was going to hit the earth in five min, these pro hashtaggers would rather die making hashtags than seek shelter underground.  Hence their post below.

hashtag pro

Now was that really necessary?  They hashtagged the shit out of this photo via describing the entire damn picture in visual and mental hashtags.  If that is the case, let me add my own visual, mental, and physical hashtags that I think are missing in order to describe this picture in detail.

#poopisinmyrectumbutyoucantseeit #bangedtwoguysatsametimeonce #pastoutonshitter #bleedsfromvaginamonthly

#myselfieisbetterthanyourselfie #noduckfaceforyou #thisismymirror #thisismycamera #therearemanylikeitbutthisoneismine

#Mymirrorismybestfriend #itismylife #ImustmasteritasImustmastermylife #ifartintheshower #tanninglotionqueen

 

I think this picture is properly hashtagged now.  No more guessing as to what is actually going on in the photo as it is properly described in full detail.   Am I right or am I right?

Pantsless, Masturbating McDonald’s Customer, 69, Tried To Force Drive-Thru Worker To Touch Him

steve clemons

After picking up food from a McDonald’s drive-thru window, a pantsless 69-year-old Florida man allegedly tried to force a female employee to touch him as he masturbated in the front seat of his vehicle, police allege.

 

Steve Orville Clemons was at the drive-thru window of a Wildwood McDonald’s when the cashier “turned to him to give him his change.” At that point, the woman realized that Clemons was sans pants and was pleasuring himself.

Read more here