Tag Archives: bonfire

Notre-Dame Church Fire In Paris May Have Been Sparked By Lone Cigarette Butt

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“A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark.” –Dante

Paris, France – The historically tragic fire at the 800 year old Notre-Dame cathedral may have been caused a single cigarette butt.

This Gothic jewel that took about 100 years to build starting back in 1163, suffered serious damage from a large blaze that could possibly be traced back to a single sparking of some attic dust by a restoration worker’s “mégot de cigarette”.

Even though the policy for restoration workers of discarding cigarettes into water bottles is strictly followed, one tiny ember may have accidentally fallen into a soft bed of dust and gone undetected long enough to ignite a giant catastrophe.

After rebuilding the famous Notre-Dame cathedral, signs will be placed throughout the church saying “Merci De Ne Pas Fumer!”

Indian Summer Celebrated By Many Even Though It’s No Longer Politically Correct

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Indian Summer is one last chance to enjoy summer and prepare for winter.

Summerset, SD – It’s what many in our area have long been waiting and hoping for, and now it’s finally arriving: Indian Summer!

For any employed workers who are lucky enough to have some extra vacation days, it’s a chance to get some final sun on one’s face while perhaps sipping an adult beverage out on the deck.

After we’ve already had a killing frost (and a winter storm), it’s one final time to breathe the last of the warm summer air before heading into the long and dark cold winter months.

The old politically incorrect name for it is Indian Summer while the new hip PC term is now Global Warming.

Indian Summer originally got its name from an old 1919 song by Victor Herbert which helped remind the Indians to get out and add some extra layers of warmth to the outside of their teepees while doing their good-bye dance to summer and happily celebrating a temporary postponement of winter.

Today, it’s more of a chance to tidy up the hoses, get down the snow shovels, put up your Christmas lights, and for street crews to quickly finish up all those road construction projects.

Controlled Burn That Got Out Of Control Now 50% Contained

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“Controlled Burn” that suddenly became an uncontrolled burn is now only about 50% contained.

Burnstad, ND – Highly trained governmental environmental workers trying to do a controlled burn helplessly watched it suddenly get out of control when winds began to gust up out of nowhere.

“Yeah, no, what began as our controlled burn, ah, quickly changed over to what we call an uncontrolled burn,” reports Luton Crofoot, who lit the original fire with a casual flick of his cigarette butt.

Luton added: “Maybe we should’ve paid better attention to thee, ah, windcast for the time period in which we planned to stage our, ah, controlled burn.”

Fire containment experts on the scene estimated that the out-of-control controlled burn is now approximately 50% contained.

However, they do admit that the 50% that is not contained is 100% out of control as environmental workers try to set additional back fires which are also getting out of control thanks to the wind.

Ironically, all of the charred letters in Luton Crofoot can be hotly re-arranged to spell: Out Of Control!

Source Of Haze Over Fargo Discovered

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Listen to my demands, or the smoke will continue!

Listen to my demands, or the smoke will continue!

Northwest of Fargo, ND – The source of the smoke that’s been causing the haze over Fargo has been discovered.

It turns out to be coming from Mr. Gary Lofton’s continuous bonfire.

Unfortunately, according to Mr. Lofton, the smoke won’t stop until his list of demands has been satisfied.

For starters, he apparently wants his own free parking spot in downtown Fargo. Mr. Lofton is sick and tired of not being able to park in downtown Fargo!

Also, Gary wants the Red River Diversion to protect his property. He also wants construction of the diversion to begin immediately.

Finally, Mr. Lofton is not going to put his bonfire out until binge drinking is allowed for everyone at Fargodome Bison football games, and NOT just for people in the suites!

National Bonfire Month To Help Combat Global Cooling

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bonfire

Bonfire of the Vanities

Firestone, CO – This is National Bonfire Month designed to help fight against Global Cooling and the next Glacial Age.

With average global temperatures showing a general cooling trend instead of the much-hyped global warming {More Info}, bonfires seem to be the best and logical solution.

Anyone and everyone who is capable of legally hosting a safe bonfire is being encouraged to do so during the next months and years.

“If we all pitch in and help out by building bonfires, it could really help! Plus, who doesn’t enjoy sitting around a campfire visiting with your in-laws?” says Curby Feelers, National Bonfire Advocate.

Please check your local forecast first. Make sure the windcast for the next six hours in your area is for winds of 5 mph or less.

Also, if you live in a drought-stricken area, bonfires are obviously not advised. No one wants to piss off Smokey The Bear!

So, pick up the makings for s’mores, build a bonfire in the nearest bonfire pit, and help warm things up a bit and save Planet Earth. As Curby Feelers always says: “Think global. Act local.”