Tag Archives: cheese

Man Who’s Half Goat To Marry Half-Goat Woman: Said To Make A Great Couple!

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Half-goat couple planning on raising a few kids on their very own goat farm.

Moorhead, MN – The quirky little American town that invented the Dilly Bar will soon have another first.

Mr. Billy Goat, who is self-described as being half man and half goat will soon join in marital wedlock with Ms. Fauna Capra, who is similarly also half goat.

For their wedding ceremony, both are expected to wear cashmere coats since they are both half cashmere goats.

Once legally joined together as a tribe and add a few kids, they plan on getting the flock out of here and moving to a small goat farm in rural Minnesota where they can nibble on some sweet alfalfa and tasty shrubs.

For income, besides selling their cashmere wool at premium prices, they also plan on marketing their own hircine line of goat milk and goat cheese.

Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government

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There’s no such thing as Free Cheese except when it comes to Big Government.

Cheesetown, Pennsylvania – In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to almost anyone willing and able to eat it.

The Affordable Cheese Act was passed by Congress in the dead of night so that we could read what the new law actually said.

The ACA “shall provide free cheese to anyone who voted Democrat in the last election”.

The U.S. taxpayers have already been taxed quite heavily so that this over-abundance of low-grade governmental cheese can now be offered freely to those who may want free cheese from the government.

Federal ACA officials will be offering free demonstrations on how to cut the cheese, and then how to use it to make some basic All-American healthy recipes such as: double grilled cheese sandwitches, macaroni and cheese casserole hotdish, and very deep-fried cheese curds.

To get your free Government Cheese, simply stand in line wherever free governmental handouts are normally offered and use promo-code “FGC-2017” when filling out the mandatory 12-page IRS tax form #C-1270-BO.

As a special bonus, you can even get your picture taken for free at the free cheese handout office. Remember to smile wide and say “Cheese!”

Lutheran Social Services Bringing In Many Mice From MN Lakes Area Due To Lack Of Acorns There

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Perhaps only an audit will reveal how many mice are being brought into town.

Perhaps only an audit will reveal how many mice are being brought into town.

Fargo, ND – In what many see as compassionate humanitarian assistance, Lutheran Social Services of Fargo has been bringing unknown numbers of mice from the Minnesota lakes area into the Fargo area to be resettled here.

A dearth of acorns in Minnesota due to some harmful climate change last Spring is leaving the mouse population scrambling to find food as winter inexorably approaches.

Some others are questioning if and how many mice Lutheran Social Services should be bringing into the Fargo-Moorhead area.

When we asked a random, anonymous homeless person what he thought about it, this is what he said: “Organizations like LSS exist for the very reason to assist anyone who perhaps needs help escaping dire circumstances such as lack of food and shelter.”

But now, instead of lake home owners finding mice in their Minnesota cabin’s drawers and cupboards, they’re seeing evidence of them in their Fargo homes and work places.

Hopefully the Fargo City Commission can get to the bottom of this situation by doing an investigative probe into the numbers involved here after they have a chance to examine, assess, evaluate, review, and scrutinize all parties connected to the mouse migration analysis.

healthy stoner food

Ridiculously Healthy Foods To Eat While High

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No time for a short intro!  Let’s get to the food!

 

mcgangbang

Yea baby!

 

Combine a McDouble and McChicken together into one.  Feel those arteries clog.  Often called the McGangBang.

Insructions: Buy a McDouble burger.  Buy a McChicken burger.  Take them both out of the wrapper.  Insert McChicken into McDouble thus combining them into one burger.  Stuff mouth.

 

Combining three cereals into one.  For example: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Corn Pops, and Frosted Flakes.

Insructions: Pour 1/3 Cinnamon Toast Crunch into large bowl.  Pour 1/3 Corn Pops into bowl.  Pour 1/3 Frosted Flakes into bowl.  Put milk into bowl.  Stuff mouth.

 

Lunch meat concoction.

Instructions: Get lunch meat and your favorite block of cheese.  Cut slim slices of cheese and wrap around some lunch meat.  Put wrapped lunch meat inbetween two pieces and toast.  Throw on some hot sauce.  Stuff mouth.

 

Macaroni Cheese Dish

Instructions: Make a batch of Macaroni and Cheese.  Put finished Mac and Cheese into large bowl. Make a batch of chili and put some into bowl.  Cut up a hot dog or two and mix into bowl.  Add bacon bits into bowl.  Throw in a little hot sauce.  Stir.  Stuff mouth.

 

Pretzel sticks and bbq sauce

Instructions:  Get a big bag of pretzel sticks.  Pour bottle of favoritae bbq sauce into small or very large bowl.  Dip pretzels into favorite bbq sauce.  Stuff mouth.

 

Spaghetti Pizza

Instructions:  Take out left over pizza from fridge.  Take out left over spaghetti from fridge.  Put spaghetti on top of pizza.  Heat in microwave.  Or, you have the option to eat cold as well.  Stuff mouth.

 

Pancakes full of stuff.  How big is your plate?

Instructions: Make two full, thick, large, pancakes.  Put pancakes onto plate.  Add your favorite toppings such as m&m’s, cut up twix bar, cut up snickers bar. and top with a little syrup.  Stuff mouth.

 

Classic potato chip sandwich

Instructions:  Toast bread.  Spread a generous amount of peanut better on one or both pieces of bread.  Add a generous amount of potato chips inbetween bread.  Add anything else you like such as pickles, honey, a cookie?  Keep bag of chips to your side for easy access.  Stuff mouth.

 

Snickers

Instructions:  Eat one snickers bar.  Eat second snickers bar.  Eat third snickers bar.  Stuff mouth.  Wait…you already were.

 

Nacho Cheese Doritos and then add more cheese.  One of Bills Favorite.

Instructions: Spread a generous amount of Doritos out onto a large plate.  Sprinkle a generous amount of  your favorite shredded cheese (sharp cheddar) on top of Doritos.  Put into microwave for 15-20 seconds.  Stuff mouth.

 

Powdered Jelly Donuts.  Can’t eat just one.

Instructions: Go to your local donut shop and pick up a dozen powdered jelly donuts.  Stuff mouth.

 

All of these foods are 100% accepted and fully endorsed by Bill Burns.  Stay tuned for Part II.