Tag Archives: lottery

Fargo Man Promises If He Wins Lottery Jackpot, He’ll Give Everyone In Fargo One Dollar

Leave a reply

If I win, you also will win!

Fargo, ND – In a magnanimous gesture of possible future generosity, a long-time Fargo resident has vowed to give everyone living in Fargo one dollar if and when he wins a lottery jackpot.

Roy Alleen Overdorf in his own words:

I, Roy Alleen Overdorf, do hereby swear on a brand new stack of unread Bibles, that if and when I win a very large multi-million dollar lottery jackpot, I will personally give to each and every living human Fargo resident, one U.S. dollar, so help me God.

As you can imagine, many folks we talked to about this amazing development are obviously hoping and praying that Mr. Overdorf soon wins a lottery jackpot, not so much for his gain, but more so for their own greedy profit.

As you can also probably imagine, all of the letters in Roy Alleen Overdorf can be randomly tumbled into spelling: Dollar For Everyone!

Lottery Winner From Fargo Blows It All On A Single Purchase

Leave a reply

Say hello to the 118 foot Wally-118 made by Wally Yachts of the Ferretti Group.

Fargo, ND – After winning a $33 million jackpot in one of the various lottery games, Tommy Swinehart decided to buy himself a real nice boat.

Since he had just won big, Tommy wanted to think big.

Mr. Swinehart ended up purchasing a Wally 118 luxury motor yacht.

This incredibly designed boat tops out at 70 mph due to its 16,800 total horsepower.

Within its 118 foot length, the Wally 118 has a saloon, a dining area, a navigation cockpit, and holds 5,800 gallons of fuel.

Tommy also fell in love with the six plasma TVs, the king-sized master bedroom, the two queen guest rooms, each bedroom having his/her en suite bathrooms.

Unfortunately, Mr. Swinehart’s new Wally 118 cost $33 million, thus leaving Tommy with no money with which to use his expensive luxury motor yacht.

Expectedly, all the letters in Tommy Swinehart can be re-arranged to spell: Smart With Money!

Dr. Finance: Should I Buy Some Lottery Tickets For The Mega Jackpot?

Leave a reply

When the lottery jackpot gets up to a billion dollars, Dr. Finance says it’s time to go All IN.

Jackpot, Nevada – Dear Dr. Finance: You’ve previously stated that gambling is a tax on the stupid. But would you say it’s OK to buy a lottery ticket when the jackpot gets up over a billion dollars? Thanks, Zephania Winther

Dear Zephania: Buying lottery tickets normally is something I would not recommend. Since the odds are so against you, any sort of gambling is definitely a tax on the stupid.

However, when the jackpots reach ridiculous levels, such as the Mega-Millions lottery game, it then becomes time to go all-in.

At this juncture, I would strongly recommend that you buy as many Mega-Millions lottery tickets as you can comfortably afford.

I myself am using the equity in my home to purchase as many tickets as I can between now and the time of the next drawing.

The chance to win a giant jackpot of $1.6 Billion rarely comes along, so, to answer your question: I would say it’s more than OK to give it a shot because someone has to eventually win it and it might just be you!

To be super proactive, you may want to have the phone numbers of a good accountant and attorney near by.

Lottery Winner On Way To Collect Jackpot Killed By Distracted Driver

Leave a reply

Lucky to have won the lottery jackpot but then unlucky to have gotten hit by a distracted driver.

Bismarck, ND – Ty Barich was excitedly on his way to collect his jackpot millions after repeatedly checking his winning lottery ticket with his pregnant wife.

While crossing the street en route to the lottery headquarters, Mr. Barich got hit by a distracted driver who decided it was more important to text “LOL” to his friend rather than stop at a red light and look for any pedestrians crossing the street on a green light.

Now, because a dummkopf distracted driver thinking that texting a short quick message on his smartphone was more important than paying attention to being in control of his moving motorized vehicle, another innocent person’s life is unncessarily altered or even taken away from them and their family.

The North Dakota legislature is now considering increasing the penalty for distracted driving to either life behind bars (with no access to a smartphone) or quickly being put in front of a firing squad composed of people who have been negatively affected by a distracted driver.

Ironically, all of the letters in “Ty Barich” can be re-arranged to spell: Hit by car!

Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time

Leave a reply

Fargo’s Miss Devine can win the lottery any time she desires.

Fargo, ND – Unbeknownst to most hoi polloi, living amongst Fargo’s commonfolk resides One with a “most powerful” gift.

Fargo’s Miss Divine can foretell the future “well enough” to have just won a record nine lottery jackpots.

So as to remain “under the radar”, Miss Divine usually plays the “lesser games” such as: Hot Lotto, 2 by 2, and Lucky For Life.

Last week Miss Divine informed us that she recently won the 2 by 2 game, which is now her ninth lottery win. When we asked Miss Divine “the how and why”, her response in her own words was: “Miss Divine sees things in her crystal ball that allow her to live very comfortably while being able to hand out $100 bills to those in obvious need.”

If you would ever like to discuss “possibilities” for your future finances with Miss Divine, look for her in the Downtown Fargo area. Whilst you seek her out in the alleys and galleys, you will not find her so much as “she will find you”. Remember to tell Miss Divine that you “read about” her on the FM Observer (and use promo-code “MD2-J9” for a 10% “bonus coupon”).

Winning Powerball Lottery Ticket Being Sought In Knoxville Landfill

Leave a reply
caption here

One piece of paper worth millions in and amongst millions of pieces of paper.

Knoxville, TN – The lucky person who purchased the winning Powerball ticket worth an estimated $259.8 million believes that she may have accidentally lost the winning ticket in her kitchen garbage bag which is most likely now in the Knoxville community landfill.

On the night of the drawing, Mrs. Ina Pickle noticed that her one Powerball ticket matched all of the Powerball numbers that were reported on the late local evening newscast in her Knoxville area on Wednesday, June 11.

Before going to bed, she had safely put the winning ticket on her kitchen counter over by the trash bin.

Early the next morning, she quickly ran to put out her garbage for the approaching garbage truck workers.

About an hour later after some coffee, she realized that the winning Powerball ticket must have blown into the trash because the kitchen window had been left slightly ajar during the night.

Mrs. Ina Pickle, along with several hundreds of other people from the region, are now reportedly madly searching through all of the garbage in the massive Knoxville landfill for a chance to find that winning unsigned Powerball ticket.

Officials from the Tennessee Lottery say that whoever finds that winning Powerball ticket and brings it to their main offices will have their choice of the full annuity amount or the lump-sum pre-tax amount of $153,000,000.

Will Powerball Jackpot Grow to $1 Billion Before The World Ends?

Leave a reply

The growing Powerball lottery is making Americans very eager for a shot at all that paper. At the time of this publication, a payout of over $300 million (after taxes) is up for grabs and the jackpot continues to grow. Problem is, as the jackpot grows, our odds of winning decrease. The odds of you getting your arm bitten off by a shark are greater than cashing in on some Powerball jack. Kinda makes you wonder…will anybody ever win this thing?

According to the ancient soothsayers who wrote the Mayan calendar, the end of the world is approaching fast. December 2012 will prove to be our home’s Final Countdown. The Earth will swallow us whole. Doesn’t that suck? It does if you consider that the Powerball jackpot is on pace to break the $1 billion mark by that time. This means that some old geezer is going to cop the winning ticket, lose it, find it again and cash it in just in time for the Earth’s crust to split into a 10,000 mile-wide death chasm.

The Observer would like to advise everyone NOT to buy any Powerball tickets until the pot reaches at least $1 billion. Then, the lucky winner(s) can have a billion dollar dream come true right before the meteor hits!