Tag Archives: retirement

Local Couple’s Painting Worth A Half Million Destroyed By Distracted Driver

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This valuable painting was completely smashed by a distracted driver texting LOL to a bad joke.

West Fargo, ND – A local couple was delightfully delighted to find out that their rummage sale painting was worth a lot of money.

Pipaluk Enoksen and his lovely wife Ivalu had brought their painting of a hummingbird to the Antique Roadshow to hopefully find out its current value.

After discoverying that the painting was a very rare one by Carl Renoir, the expert told them that their hummingbird painting was worth an estimated $500,000 at auction.

With this exciting new knowledge, Pipaluk and Ivalu Enoksen carefully put the hummingbird painting into the trunk of their car to drive home and celebrate.

Unfortunately, on the way home, the Enoksens were rear-ended by a texting distracted driver whilst stopped at a red light, completely destroying the uninsured painting, along with their hopes of retiring to the good life.

Group Of Fargo Wives Puts Their Husbands Out On Boulevard For Clean-Up Week

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Ten Fargo women decided they’d all be better off by getting rid of their ten husbands.

North Fargo, ND – Clean-up crews were quite surprised to see what had been put out by the curb in one North Fargo neighborhood.

Apparently, ten wives had gotten together and decided to put their ten retired husbands out to get taken away during Clean-Up Week.

After asking one of the wives if this was a joke, she simply yelled: “Yeah, this here ain’t no joke, sonny! You take ’em now! Go on now, you take ’em!”

The ten elderly retired gentlemen were escorted one-by-one into the large Clean-Up Week truck and then slowly taken away to wherever all those many tons of curb-side junk get taken, and none of them were ever heard from again.

Fargo’s Dr. Hendassa Calling It Quits After 150 Years Of Service

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“After 150 years of practicing medicine and I am still learning.” –Dr. Frank Hendassa

Fargo, ND – Fargo’s own Dr. Frank Hendassa has decided to finally retire after practicing medicine for 150 years.

Dr. Hendassa opened the original Dakota Clinic out of a covered wagon back in the year 1867, the same year that Nebraska became the 37th state.

This was the year that antiseptic surgery and mouthwash were discovered by Joseph Listerine.

Dr. Hendassa did it all back then, doing surgery, internal medicine, and even delivering babies one whose name was Frank Lloyd Wright.

Later in his career at about the 100 year point back in 1967 Frank decided to specialize in keeping his patients healthy and looking young and fit, which obviously rubbed off on himself.

FM Observer: What are the keys to staying youthful and looking good?

Dr. Hendassa: Frankly speaking, I would say being happily married is key. Also, a shot of booze every afternoon certainly doesn’t hurt. Beyond that, I believe playing a lot of ping pong has really helped me stay young and fit. Ping pong and regular naps. Those are both key to living a long and productive life. Now if you don’t mind, it’s time for my nap.

Gang Signs Causing Fights Between Rival Retirement Homes

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Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.

Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.

Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.

“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.

Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.

For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.

If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.

Barbara Walters Being Retired To A Stud Farm

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Baba Wawa Go Bye Bye

New York, NY – The beautiful and lovely Barbara Walters has been told she is retiring. ABC executives are leaking the news that she will be comfortably retired to a Stud Farm.

The iconic 83 year old grandmother to us all, has spent 50 years in television journalism and has seen it all. Everyone agrees there aren’t enough adjectives to describe this workaholic. But after suffering from chicken pox and prolonged fever, which possibly led to falling down a flight of stairs and getting a large gash in her forehead, many in the top floor of the ABC headquarters are strongly pushing for her to be gone already.

Is ABC forcing her out and off The View? Apparently she doesn’t really know much about it. However, forces behind the scene are indicating it is most definitely time for her to go to the Stud Farm. An ABC spokesman describes the Stud Farm as a very nice retirement home for aging TV celebrities.

Who might Baba WaWa see when she gets to the Stud Farm? Well, for starters, try megastar Regis Philbin (b. 1931). Also, the former Bozo-the-Clown and Today Show weatherman, Willard Scott (b. 1934). Of course, the always up Hugh Downs (b. 1921) will be there to welcome Barbara Walters (who was born in 1929) to her new home. One final for-sure would be the ever-handsome Tom Brokaw (b. 1940), who is still working with a special speech pathologist to pronounce his “L”s.

Most people think of horses when they hear Stud Farm. There will also be some of those there too. “Ms. Walters will have many people and animals to ‘interview’ after she makes the transition to her new life”, said Ernie Bankwood, who oversees the Stud Farm.

Back in late 2010, while interviewing the youthful Larry King, Barbara said “I know when my time’s coming”. Well, unfortunately for her, that time is now here, whether she knows it and likes it, or not.

When the FM Observer asked her what she thought about all this, she answered: “Oh, I hope that Fabio (Lanzoni) is at the Stud Farm!” Then she asked: “What’s the FM Observer?”