Tag Archives: aliens

National Lutheran Church To Become Bird Sanctuary Denomination

Many Lutheran church sanctuaries will soon be filling up with birds.

Dulutheran, MN – The Angelical Lutheran Church Of America (ALCOA) announced that it will become the denomination that opens its sanctuary doors up to any and all types of birds.

Ms. Rose Grosbeak is the spokeswoman for ALCOA: “Each church sanctuary will be opened up as a safe-haven bird sanctuary for migrating birds who perhaps need temporary or permanent shelter.”

Ms. Grosbeak explains that architecturally, most Lutheran church sanctuaries have a lot of interior height which will help provide the birds ample room to fly around in, while using the offering plates up on the main alters as feeding stations.

Various Lutheran member groups will be making bird nests along with cute little painted bird houses for the many different types of birds that are expected to take advantage of the new Lutheran bird sanctuary pronouncement.

Loud Michael Bolton Music To Be Used At Southern Border To Dissuade Illegal Entries

Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.

Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.

Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.

U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.

The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:

When A Man Loves A Woman
If You Don’t Know Me By Now
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
Said I Loved You But I Lied
How Can We Be Lovers
Can I Touch You There?
Sexual Healing
I’ll Never Love This Way Again
Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
I’m Your Puppet

UFO Sightings Over Ireland Shortly After Release Of New ‘Guinness Plus’ Beer

Guinness Plus: All the flavor and twice the punch!

Dublin, Ireland You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland.

You might not’ve known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus!

Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the body and flavor of regular Guinness bier but packs a doublepunch of enjoyment when it reaches your nervous system.

FMO: What was the impetus for creating your new Guinness Plus bier?

Paul: We wanted to be listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the strongest beer in both the flavor and alcohol content categories.

Guinness Plus does now come with a disclaimer on each bottle: Warning…May cause UFOs to appear!

Building-Like Structures Discovered On Planet Mars

Experts are wondering: If Mars has buildings, could it also have landlords and tenants?

Utopia Basin, Mars – After first discovering water, and then chocolate on Mars, NASA experts have now confirmed the existance of what appear to be buildings on the Red Planet.

NASA’s Beagle 3 has been sending back some amazing and surprising images since it landed just a few months ago.

“We were literally stunned to find actual buildings on Mars, some with what appear to be lights on inside them,” says Dr. Soni Flamer, who heads up NASA’s Look For Life program.

“These building-like structures that we are seeing on Planet Mars were perhaps never noticed before due to large sandstorms in the Utopia Basin area,” added Dr. Simon Rafel, who sometimes thinks he’s in charge.

Ironically, all of the letters in Soni Flamer and Simon Rafel can be re-arranged to spell: Life On Mars!

Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo

Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.

Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.

Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”

Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.

Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon

This is possibly the first of many busloads of illegal aliens trying to enter the U.S. by flying in over the new Trump Wall.

Moonshine, Illinois – Top scientists from our top-notch science department are warning that a large school bus believed to be full of illegal aliens will be passing between the Earth and the Moon soon.

It is not known who if anyone is drinking while driving this bus nor whether or not it will be just passing on through, making subsequent secondary passes, or perhaps even make a stop for supplies and maby even an extended visitation without representation.

The well-respected Dr. Goytam Tesfalem believes that these so-called illegal aliens might even be trying to 1. either leave this sector to escape paying back taxes, or 2. use the space bus to get over the Trump Wall and freely enrolled in Obamacare.

Spaceologists are wanting to point out that the space-travelling busload of alien freeloaders will be visible during upcoming night skies and there is even a chance they may land in your back yard so you might want to stock up on a variety of refreshments so as to be prepared and not seem like you didn’t expect to be having some unexpected guests drop in directly from space, the penultimate frontier.

UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits

This UFO was seen hovering in many Fargo underpasses this last weekend.

This UFO was seen hovering in many Fargo underpasses this last weekend.

Fargo, ND – “If seeing is believing, then you can believe this one!”, said NDSU Ufologist Donald Parkins who captured this amazing unidentified flying object on special digital camera equipment.

The clear image of this green and yellow UFO was taken at about 2:15 AM on Sunday morning near West Acres.

Dr. Parkins: “Its lights were sometimes on and sometimes blinking but always the same Bison colours and it moved like a large bumblebee trapped in a garage.”

As we have come to learn, Fargo is a hotbed of UFO activity which usually coincides near a full moon.

Since the FM Observer practically majored in UFOs, please send any pictures you may have taken of the flying mysteries to us for public dissemination after we have a chance to analyze them with expensive specially-designed equipment at our spacious corporate headquarters.

In the meantime, we advise that you avoid the West Acres area late at night unless you want to have a personal encounter with a UFO.

Many Concerned About UFO Lights South Of Moorhead

UFO lights south of Moorhead almost a nightly occurrence.

UFO lights south of Moorhead almost a nightly occurrence. Where are they from? What do they want?

Moorhead, MN – Have you been seeing the unusual lights in the sky at night south of Moorhead? Have you and your family been wondering if they are real UFOs?

National UFO experts have now released an official statement from the National UFO Centre declaring that these “unusual lights” that have been showing up on a regular basis are indeed UFOs.

Multiple photographs taken with special digital lenses have proven that this is not a hoax.

Dr. Allen Greenman: “These UFOs are as real as real mayonnaise. Our only question now is why are they here and what do they want?”

Some Sabin residents are quite convinced that the alien ships are interested in having a high-level meeting with Senator Al Franken.

When asked why they believe that, their answer was: “Because we’ve seen banners hanging from the UFO windows saying that they are interested in having a high-level meeting with Senator Al Franken.”

Senator Franken was unavailable for comment but his answering machine did say: “Hi. If you’re calling about setting up a meeting with the Sabin UFOs, tell them I’m not interested, and that I no longer am a struggling comedian trying to make people laugh with silly jokes.”

Aliens Invading Fargo Moorhead

Mothership! Aliens Invading Fargo-Moorhead Workforce!

Aliens Invading Fargo MoorheadWest Fargo, ND – It’s True!!!  Aliens have been spotted around the Fargo-Moorhead area.  However, they are in a place you would least expect.  Working right next to you!

That’s right.  Aliens have been trying to mingle amongst us here on earth for quite sometime and now their act has been compromised.  How long has this been going on?  How long have they been infiltrating our human race?  All good questions that we have no answers to.

These human like aliens have been showing up in the Fargo-Moorhead workforce recently.  Not because of their looks but because of the way they act.

Reports have been coming in of co-workers, managers, and bosses projecting weird and confusing like behavior from these “humans.”

Some reported observed behaviors include:

– micromanaging
– eating very loud crunchy food at their desk
– shitting in the bathroom as loud as possible and not flushing
– somehow getting their pubic hair on the ceiling in the bathroom
– using corporate phrases such as “synergy”
– running to the bathroom out of nowhere because they are probably shitting an alien baby out of their rectum
– eating more food at their desk
– laughing while wheezing uncontrollably
– take 1 hour 30 min lunches and then complain when you take 1 hour and 10 min lunches
– creating unnecessary meetings or stand-up meetings when there are only two people
– talking where the words “bullshit” literally come out of their mouth, all in visible colorful letters
– creating answering machine greetings for their voicemail every morning where they make sure to include today’s date
– making sure they press the hang up button on their phone first before putting the phone down (aliens don’t know that they can just hang the phone up)
– business casual to them means t-shirts, flip flops, and christmas sweaters in march

These are just a few of the obvious signs that this person is NOT HUMAN.

Recent research has suggested that the mothership of these alien “humans” or “workers” is located in Tioga, ND.  It is believed that they convene there to get new instructions uploaded into their alien brains, training, maintenance, and other things.

This is serious business people.  If we don’t act now, what will become of the world?  What will your children have to deal with?  I’ll tell you.  Stinky alien shit.  That is what everyone will have to deal with if they don’t act soon.  You will all be eating stinky alien shit for the rest of your lives, your children’s lives, and your children’s children’s lives.  Now that is something to NOT look forward to.