National

Walmart to Stop Selling Soda
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Walmart to Stop Selling Soda

February 5th, 2014 | by Nick
Birmingham, AL—In response to CVS’s announcement that they will discontinue the sale of tobacco products at its 7,600 locations across the USA, Walmart has proudly announced that they are pulling an incredibly harmful...
Super Bowl Pizzas Delivered By Drones
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Super Bowl Pizzas Delivered By Drones

February 2nd, 2014 | by Johnnny
Domino, Texas – If you didn’t already want to order a pizza today for the Super Bowl, you might want to just for the experience of drone delivery. All across the nation, Domino’s Pizzas will be delivered by...
Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English
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Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English

January 28th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Maui, Hawaii – Everyone told him it couldn’t be done. No, you can’t train a parrot-fish to speak English, you silly boy! That’s when he wished that someday he could prove them all wrong. Twelve year old...
Nigerian Prince Email Scam Academy Set to Launch This Spring
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Nigerian Prince Email Scam Academy Set to Launch This Spring

January 20th, 2014 | by Nick
Nigeria—A country in Africa that is widely-known as a haven for princes-turned-internet scammers is slated to open its first internet-based scam academy this April. The Nigerian Scam Academy (NSA) is now accepting open...
North Korean Glee Club To Tour America
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North Korean Glee Club To Tour America

January 19th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Pyongyang, North Korea – The North Korean National Men’s Glee Club will soon be coming to the United States. In a deal recently hatched by North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un and U.S. Envoy Dennis Rodman, the impressive...
Fargo Proud To Be Named Drunkest City In America
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Fargo Proud To Be Named Drunkest City In America

January 14th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – Fargo is proud to recently be named the drunkest city in the nation. How proud is Fargo of this new distinction? So proud that the Fargo City Commission immediately passed a unanimous resolution declaring...
Recreational Use of Alcohol Now Legal In Colorado
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Recreational Use of Alcohol Now Legal In Colorado

January 6th, 2014 | by Nick
Denver, CO—At the turn of the new year, legislation passed in the state of Colorado permitted  “liquor stores” to begin selling alcoholic beverages over-the-counter directly to citizens. This has infuriated MAID...
Chris Christie: “I want to eat more voters in 2014”
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Chris Christie: “I want to eat more voters in 2014”

December 31st, 2013 | by Nick
The FM Observer was granted permission to speak with currently-seated New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R). In a recently staged phone interview, the Observer asked a series of questions pertaining to his political practice,...
Get Your Ass To The Moon Soon
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Get Your Ass To The Moon Soon

December 28th, 2013 | by Johnnny
Los Angeles, CA – At the swanky home of Sir Ashton Kutcher, plans are well underway to begin the Earthification of the Moon. Ashton Kutcher and Buzz Aldrin are self-appointed co-chairmen of the Moon Earthification...
McDonald’s To Introduce Two New Sandwiches
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McDonald’s To Introduce Two New Sandwiches

December 23rd, 2013 | by Johnnny
Oak Brook, IL – Ronald McDonald is excited to announce the addition of two new meat sandwiches to their international chain restaurant McMenu. The McDonald’s Corporation will soon be unveiling the McHorse sandwich,...