Tag Archives: liquor

Fargo Man Crushed To Death While Trying To Carry 99-Pack Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer

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Warning: Do not try to lift the 99-Pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer by yourself!

Fargo, ND – In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry.

Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for $99.

Pabst Blue Ribbon strongly suggests that their 99-packs of beer be carried by at least two strong people because they weigh in at around 99 pounds.

While attempting to walk out of the store carrying his large 99-pound 99-pack of PBR, Mr. Cantine Pinkney quickly succumbed to the massive weight, and suddenly collapsed into the glass exit door with the entire 99-pack landing directly on top of him causing immediate lights-out for old man Pinkney.

Crushingly, all of the letters in Cantine Pinkney can unfortunately be re-arranged to spell: Ninety-Nine Pack!

New Fargo Bar/Lounge Called ‘The Peachflame’ To Exclusively Cater To Weird People

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Calling all weird-ohs: Welcome to The Peachflame!

Downtown Fargo, ND – A 52nd liquor license has been granted for Downtown Fargo.

Proprietor Elwood Wierschem is planning on opening The Peachflame which will specifically cater to bona fide weird-ohs.

Mr. Wierschem in his own words: “If you’re truly a weird-oh in any sense of the word, then you are welcome at The Peachflame.“

“And believe you me, you will feel very comfortable sipping your weird drinks amongst all the other weird-ohs who tend to congregate in the Downtown Fargo area.”

Weirdly, all the letters in Elwood Wierschem can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Weird Ohs Welcome!

Long Cold Winter Starting To Take Its Effect On Normal People

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At the beginning of winter, this person was just a normal looking guy.

Fargo, ND – Are you starting to feel the negative effects of winter? Do normally easy small tasks seem bigly challenging?

Maybe you’re suffering from WHAKOH like most other people living in Fargo. WHAKOH stands for: Winter Hits All Kind Of Hard.

If the idea of going to the grocery store to get a few basic items feels like you’re preparing to cross Antarctica by sled, you have a case of WHAKOH.

If having to do any snow blowing or shoveling feels tantamount to getting a root canal, you are going WHAKOH.

Our very own Dr. Willy Nilly suggests joining a square dancing group or take regular trips to any of the local liquor stores.

Also, marking the days (or even the hours) off on a large calendar sometimes helps to visually remind you that winter will some day be over.