Tag Archives: football

UND Football Team Adds Moose As Running Back To Roster In Effort To Beat The Bison

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‘The Moose’ is a great running back but does sometimes have a problem holding on to the football.

Grand Forks, ND – In a last ditch effort to topple the NDSU Bison football team, the UND former Fighting Sioux have enlisted the help of an almost unstoppable running back.

As you might expect, his name is Bullwinkle and the scouting report on him says this running back is extremely hard to catch, contain, and tackle!

Bullwinkle (‘The Moose’ as his teammates affectionately call him) is believed to be from the Moose Jaw River area way up there in Saskatchewan, eh?

Coach says his coaching staff is very high on Bullwinkle and are hoping he can help bring the former Fighting Sioux a Nickel Trophy win against the mooseless Bison team.

Things North Dakotans Have To Be Thankful For

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Thanks for Thanksgiving!

West Fargo, ND – After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful.

So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some of the following, or simply take out your smartphone and read this list straight off our website.

Things To Be Thankful For If You Live In North Dakota:

1. An upcoming Bison football championship
2. Sanford’s New Level I Trauma Center
3. Our state is a Tsunami-free zone
4. The fabulous Medora Musical
5. That Canada is our neighbor
6. Jamestown’s State Hospital
7. Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop
8. Too Tall Tom Szymanski
9. We’re not South Dakota
10. Horizontal Fracking
11. Global Warming
12. NFL Football
13. Legalize ND
14. The Ralph
15. Cara Mund

NFL Pickem Calculator Is Amazingly Accurate

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This new calculator can pick the winners of NFL football games with amazing accuracy.

Pick City, ND – If you’re in an NFL pickem league and want a leg up on your fellow pickem pickers, the new Ronco Pickem Calculator is for you!

Simply pick it up, turn it on, enter a few basic parameters about any upcoming game in question, and the Ronco Pickem Calculator will give you its best guess, which has been scientifically proven to be incredibly correct.

Dr. Dumpster Johnstone has been using the Ronco Pickem Calculator for his workplace pickem pool: “I love this fricking calculator because I’m in First Place all by my lonesome!”

Ms. Camille Clampton says: “I would truly be lost (and losing) if someone somehow took this amazing tool away from me, so please don’t even think about it!”

If you need some serious help in your football pickem pool, get yourself a new Ronco Pickem Calculator wherever Ronco products are sold.

Or better yet, just ask your Secret Santa to get one for you!

Top Ten Things To Do Instead Of Watching The Super Bowl

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In case you don’t feel like watching the Super Bowl, there are some great alternatives.

Fargo, ND – If you’re looking for some fun and different options to do whilst everyone else in the world is watching the Super Bowl ads, we have thoughtfully surveyed the greater Fargo-Moorhead area to come up with some great alternatives for you, boiled down into one short convenient list:

10. Host an Anti-Super Bowl party and watch CNN.

9. Paint your interior walls with a wild jungle scene.

8. Volunteer to work as a bouncer at a local soup kitchen.

7. Go pick out your next pet(s) at the Humane Society.

6. Do comparison price shopping at different grocery stores.

5. Organize all your belongings alphabetically into boxes labeled A-Z.

4. Go door-to-door and ask people what they’re doing?

3. Read the Book of Revelation out loud and then meditate.

2. Discuss the Nunes memo with close friends and family.

1. Watch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel.

PHI Eagles Fans Kindly Asked To Wear Purple (Instead Of Green) To Super Bowl

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As a sign of friendship, some Minneapolis bars are offering Philadelphia Eagles fans a free beer.

Minneapolis, MN – Vikings fans are kindly asking Philadelphia Eagles fans to wear purple when attending Super Bowl 52 in the Minnesota Viking’s brand new stadium.

Members of the Vikings Fans Safety Committee all agree that to ensure the safety of Philadelphia Eagles fans while entering and exiting the Vikings Stadium, they should not be wearing any green.

The VFSC stated: “To atone for their sin of mistreating Vikings fans while attending the playoff game in Philadelphia, and to show they are sorry for what they did, and that they regret their stupid, misguided actions, we Vikings fans are willing to extend an olive branch in the name of safety, and allow for safe passage of Eagles fans while in Minnesota, as long as they wear Vikings purple instead of Eagles green.”

Top Ten Questions To Ask Family, In-Laws, and Relatives During Christmas

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To make church signs like this, use the link at the bottom of this post.

West Fargo, ND – During your family getogethers with in-laws, relatives, and other extended family members, it is not only a good time to share handshakes and hugs in order to pass your cold and flu germs on to others, but it is also a perfect opportunity to throw out a few key questions to your Christmas group in order to check the general Zeitgeist of where everyone’s at regarding some of the current issues from the past few months.

Even tho your FM Observers are busy, out doing some last minute shopping at Happy Harry, we’ve taken the time to compile an easy-to-use list of questions to randomly throw out during times when the Christmastime conversations may hit a lull.

Top Ten Questions To Ask During Christmas:

10. What’s the latest on the Russian Collusion?
9. How many My Pillows do you have?
8. Have you ever heard of the FM Observer?
7. Are you for Global Warming or Global Cooling?
6. Whatever happened to Anthony’s Weiner?
5. How do you feel about the Red River Diversion project?
4. Do you think Carson Wentz will marry Cara Mund?
3. Did you hear who’s the latest guy accused of groping?
2. Can I have your pudding?
1. Isn’t President Trump doing a great job?!

Church Sign Generator

Unsportsmanlike Conduct Now A Federal Crime

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Not respecting the flag and the national anthem now considered to be Unsportsmanlike Conduct.

Anthem, AZ – A new federal executive order that just took effect when it was signed by President Trump now considers any form of not respecting the American Flag and the National Anthem prior to any sort of competition to be Unsportsmanlike Conduct resulting in immediate ejection from the game.

This not only applies to NFL football games but also to every game in every sport and at all levels of competition including kindergarten.

What if every player except for one disrespects the National Anthem? Then only that one remaining player gets to compete in that particular competition. If an entire team takes a knee or does not show up for the National Anthem, they lose by default.

What if non-players such as parents in the crowd participate in the protest? They too shall be escorted to the exit and sent home without their popcorn.

One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For ‘The Super Bowl’

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The new “Super Bowl” toilet is being called American-sized for customers who might have a slight problem with obesity.

Flushing Meadows, NY – As millions of football fans watch Super Bowl 51, even more people will be tuning in to see the much-anticipated batch of advertisements during the game.

One ad that many will be watching for features the world’s largest toilet now available for public use.

It is simply called The Super Bowl.

This mammoth-sized toilet has been specially designed for large Americans who may be trying to qualify for the show The Biggest Loser.

Its associated plunger (which is included free of charge) is supposedly the size of a tractor hubcap.

The Super Bowl is intended for clients ranging in size from 600 to 2,600 pounds and is guaranteed not to crack under such extreme weights.

The Super Bowl Toilet Company kindly suggests using a common roll of paper towels as an adjunct to their fine product.

First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo

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Carson Wentz Fenster was born at 12:01 AM and is said to be resting comfortably while watching Carson Wentz play football on TV.

Fargo, ND – The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo.

The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had “Carson Wentz” tattooed on the boy’s right forearm shortly after he was born.

“We hope he will grow up to be a star quarterback in the NFL just like his namesake,” yearned Erron Fenster wishfully.

“When he gets a little older, perhaps at age one or two, we might consider giving him the option of getting a Bison or Philadelphia Eagles logo tattoo wherever he wants,” shared Martine Fenster excitedly.

But for now, young Carson Wentz Fenster and his proud parents will just sit back in their hospital room and enjoy watching the real Carson Wentz and the Eagles kick the Dallas Cowboy’s butts and also enjoy cheering on the unpredictable Minnesota Vikings as they hopefully shellack the visiting grizzly Chicago Bears.

After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled

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After a great run and then a hugely painful loss, NDSU football program to be replaced with Jai Alai.

Fargodome, ND – Some thought the dream would just go on forever.

People had already purchased tickets to Frisco, Texas to cheer on the NDSU Bison football team to win their sixth straight national championship, and that this trend would simply continue ad infinitum.

However, the brakes got abruptly slammed on after an extremely painful spanking by James Madison University.

Many are now thinking this would be the perfect time to repeal and replace the football program with something “more in tune with the times”.

Bobo Fontillas, president of Jai Alai America, believes that NDSU should bring the incredibly popular and fast-paced sport of Jai Alai to NDSU.

“Jai Alai, which is sometimes affectionately called Zesta Punta, would work very nicely in the Fargodome, especially now that the football ‘thing’ has reached an obvious nadir,” explains Bobo Fontillas.

How do you feel about the NDSU Bison Football program being repealed and replaced with Jai Alai? Are you ready to stop punting a football and start watching some exciting Zesta Punta?

Ironically, all of the letters in Bobo Fontillas can be re-arranged to spell: Bison Football!