Tag Archives: president trump

Loud Michael Bolton Music To Be Used At Southern Border To Dissuade Illegal Entries

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Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.

Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.

Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.

U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.

The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:

◘ When A Man Loves A Woman
◘ If You Don’t Know Me By Now
◘ How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
◘ Said I Loved You But I Lied
◘ How Can We Be Lovers
◘ Can I Touch You There?
◘ Sexual Healing
◘ I’ll Never Love This Way Again
◘ Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
◘ I’m Your Puppet

Democrats Considering Lowering Voting Age To Ten While Offering Them Free Candy

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Top Dems luring children with candy.

Washington, DC – Nervous Democrats needing a win in the next presidential election are pushing to lower the voting age to ten while offering children free candy and recreational marijuana.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi believes it’s really important to capture kids when they’re in grade skool, before they know much about politix, and when they can still be easily swayed for whom to vote.

Senator Chuck Schumer concurs that rather than lowering the voting age to sixteen, lowering it to ten, along with offering free college, free candy, free pot, and free Doritos to anyone who doesn’t vote for the Republicans would be a boon to the Democrat voting base.

Both Pelosi and Schumer agree that their For The Children Act (H.R.1) is “really important” because we need to drastically change election laws before the next presidential election in order to prevent four more years of never-ending Trump investigations.

Vacationing President Trump Blames Democrats For Hurting His Golf Game

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All the investigations seem to be affecting President Trump’s golf game.

Palm Beach, FL – While vacationing at his humble Mar-a-Lago retreat, President Trump has taken time from his executive duties to play some executive golf.

Unfortunately, his golf game seems to be suffering from all the probing investigations into his political and personal lives.

President Trump is quick to place the blame on the Democrats like Nancy Pelosi for his worsening problems on the golf course.

After a sharp snap-hook splashed into a water hazard, President Trump snipped: “Those damn Dems!”

Hopefully his golf game will somehow quickly improve before attending the upcoming golf tournament in Russia for all of the world leaders, which is being called: Puttin’ With Putin.

Secret Santa Drops In Early At Many Local Businesses

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Don’t be surprised if Secret Santa drops in at your place of work before Christmas!

Fargo, ND – Secret Santa has recently been making the rounds at many local Fargo businesses.

For any employees who choose to participate in their Secret Santa program, it’s a chance to find out what are some of the hot items for Christmas this year.

Your FM Observer has conveniently compiled a list for you of this year’s top items that people are receiving from Secret Santa:

◘ Anything Trump
◘ Butterscotch Pudding
◘ A small box of Heath Bars
◘ Small plastic Elephants
◘ A can of Mackerel
◘ Any signed book by Deepak Chopra
◘ A box of dried Kasoori Methi leaves
◘ Barbie Bubblegum-flavored mouthwash
◘ A box of traditional Cracker Jack (includes prize!)
◘ A box of marsh-mellow Moon Pies
◘ A small bottle of Johnny’s French Dip Au Jus
◘ A Jesus candle (from the Mexican section at Cashwise)
◘ Flavored Pocky Biscuit Sticks (by Glico)
◘ A box of Prawn Crackers

How To Properly Entertain Guests In Your Home For Coffee Or Tea

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It’s important to know how to properly entertain when inviting guests into your home.

West Fargo, ND – Our staff member who’s considered to be the Fargo-Moorhead area’s Ms. Manners is our very own Ms. Morning Ipson!

Ms. Ipson has a few good tips for when you want to invite someone over to your place for some coffee or tea.

Morning says:

1. Meet the person at the door so you can personally throw their jacket on the floor.

2. If your dog is a barker, one twelve inch piece of duct tape around its mouth should mute the mutt.

3. Have some space cleared off on top of your kitchen table for you and your esteemed guest to sit amongst the towering stacks of magazines you’ve been planning on reading for years.

4. As you invite your honored guest to sit down, pull out an empty chair which you’ve wiped clean within the last month.

5. Offer your special guest either hot coffee or tea, accompanied by a fresh scone or crumpet, and then basically just serve them whatever the hell you have on hand.

6. Keep the conversation limited to small talk, unless your guest mentions anything about President Trump.

7. Have a cute decorative sign pointing to your bathroom which hopefully has been pre-flushed prior to your guest’s arrival.

8. After about an hour of delightful chit chat, tell your guest they now have to leave because you have another guest coming over in ten minutes (it’s not a lie if you believe it).

Interestingly, all of the letters in Morning Ipson can be spun around to spell: Spinning Room!

President Trump Orders Up Some Hurricanes To Dissuade Caravan Of Illegals

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Willa the Caravan make it to the USA despite President Trump’s pair of hurricanes?

Mexico City – As part of Project Dissuasion, President Trump ordered up two hurricanes in an effort to prevent The Caravan from reaching the United States.

Working in close conjunction with the National Hurricane Center, President Trump requested that two new hurricanes be created to hit Mexico as a “welcome present“ to those who would attempt to enter the U.S. illegally.

Algore OKed the request saying that he and President Trump made the deal involving a large purchase of Algore’s Climate Change Carbon Credits in exchange for the hurricanes.

Currently (and by design), both Hurricane Willa and Hurricane Vicente are on track to directly hit The Caravan before it reaches America.

President Trump while playing golf: “If they decide to enter our country legally, instead of illegally, then we’ll cancel the two hurricanes, but for now we’ll just wait and see what happens.“

Space Farce Soon Recruiting Members In Fargo

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Welcome to Space Farce: The future beckons you to join up.

Force, Pennsylvania – What do you get if you combine the military with the future? The answer is: President Trump’s new Space Farce!

Have you been wanting to get away from home and go see the universe? Then consider joining Space Farce!

Are you a nobody who wishes you could someday become a major somebody? Then ponder joining Space Farce!

When you look up at the stars, do you wish others would look up to you like you’re a star? Then join Space Farce!

Do you feel like you were perhaps born to shoot laser guns at others way out in space, while doing the space walk, all while wearing adult diapers? Join Space Farce!

Is 6 your favorite number? Then it is time you join the 6th branch of the military: Space Farce!

New Game Show On Fox Called “Find Your Parents” To Be Hosted By Roseanne Barr

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¿Eres mi mamá? ¿Eres mi papá?

Brownsville, TX – The Fox Channel believes it has a new hit game show called “Find Your Parents”.

Immigrant children who have recently been separated from their parent(s) while illegally crossing the southern U.S. border will have a chance to be reunited with their families in a fun game show setting.

The inimitable Roseanne Barr has agreed to host the show on Fox after her previous show on ABC got cancelled in the wake of her alleged rant of racist tweets on Twitter.

Roseanne: “Yeah, not only will I have a job again, but I can also help these little niños from Mexico find their mommies and daddies now that President Trump has allowed these families to get back together. So, this is going to be really great!”

Dennis Rodman To Receive Nobel Peace Prize

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The greatest rebounding forward in NBA history has just become a world leader of peace, who’s sponsored by Potcoin.

Singapore – Former basketball great Dennis Rodman was notified before leaving Singapore that he will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

The official declaration reads: “By bringing North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un and President Trump together for their historic Singapore summit, we bestow upon you the Nobel Peace Prize.”

While wearing his MAGA cap and Potcoin shirt, Nobel Peace Prize winner Dennis Rodman cried at the idea of winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Mr. Rodman: “I just don’t know what to say. To have had a roll in bringing this peace summit together is something I could only have dreamed of. Is this a dream? I don’t know. We’ll find out tomorrow when we all wake up.”

Mueller Seeks To Penetrate Trump’s Personal Inner Sanctum With Long Large Probe

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Robert Mueller is focused on an elongated probe of President Trump’s inner world.

Washington, DC – Robert Mueller, the very special counsel appointed to investigate any and all possible links and/or coordination between the Russian government and the Donald Trump campaign is promising to leave no stones unturned.

No matter how long as it takes, the Mueller probe vows to penetrate all facts and leads to their end points, not unlike the vast network of tunnels in a large ant hill.

Even though it has been described by some as a witch hunt and/or fishing expedition, the Special Counsel’s inquisition will poke and prod until there is nothing left to explore and all possible federal crimes have been fully delved into, not unlike an extended presidential colonoscopy.