Tag Archives: bread

The Pope Is Encouraging Catholics To Read The Back Of The Bible

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Don’t forget to read the back of The Bible.

Vaticano, Italy – After first decreeing that there is no hell to worry about, now in a rather bold move, Pope Francis (aka Jorge Bergoglio) is telling all his sinful Catholic followers to read the back of the Bible.

The Pope’s own words, which were immediately translated into forty languages:

“Once you finish reading the Bible from front to back, then take time to also read the back of the Bible, as I often do, while letting The Holy Spirit speak to you.”

Pope Francis, while channeling God’s message, also mentioned that the back of The Bible is way after the bibliography, which should also be read, and then reflected upon while sipping some wine.

Another additional tip mentioned in The Vatican Magazine is when reading The Bible, one can glean additional secret messages from God by reading between the lines, and also by using The Bible as a pillow whilst one sleepeth.

New Church Giving Whole Bottle Of Wine With Communion To Attract New Members

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Each member gets a loaf of bread and a full bottle of wine during communion service.

West Fargo, ND – In an effort to attract and keep new members, the Church Of Bountiful Grace is offering each member a full bottle of wine along with a full loaf of bread at every communion service.

Pastor Loften Wibeto says the Holy Spirits spoke to him with this idea to provide communion participants a full bottle of wine and a warm loaf of bread during each Last Supper, which is celebrated weekly at the Church Of Bountiful Grace.

“In the Book of Psalms, God tells us that wine was created to gladden our hearts,” says Pastor Wibeto as he sips a nice Merlot while writing his next sermon, which is on the subject of spiritual fermentation.

Prayerfully, all of the letters in Loften Wibeto can be re-arranged to spell: Bottle Of Wine!

Famous French Chef Accused Of Assault During Fargo Master Class

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Jean-Claude Sorbonne charged with aggravated assault on helpless bread dough.

Fargo, ND – Charges have been filed against a famous French chef while he was teaching a cooking master class to some of the finest chefs in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

French chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne has been charged with cruel and unusual assault on some rising bread dough and is being held in the kitchen of the local jail until his day in court.

Jean-Claude Sorbonne claims he was merely pounding out the bread dough before letting it rise in order to achieve the perfect textural consistency kneaded for perfection.

Some of the many students in the cooking master class mentioned that Chef Sorbonne did seem to be pounding “the hell out of” the bread ad infinitum, to the point where they were feeling quite uncomfortable and wanting to leave.

Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo

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Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.

Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.

Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”

Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.