Fargo, ND – The Fargo Forum recently ran a poll where readers voted for their favorite foods, events, services and more in the Fargo-Moorhead and surrounding areas. We also ran our own poll where our readers voted as well. The wait is over! Below are the results!
Best of The Red River Valley
Best Bar To Almost Get Thrown Out Of
Best Taxi (Unfortunately we don’t have one. They all suck according to the poll results.)
*check back for more as results are continually coming in
“Mmmm….ok deal.”
It is mandatory to not wear a shirt in the Ultimate Fighter house.
Available for hire!
West Fargo, ND – A local man is suing the makers of Red Bull® energy drink, claiming the product produced “uncomfortable and disproportionate feathery growths” sprouting from underneath both shoulder blades. Adam Odegaard fell victim to the quaint little slogan “Red Bull® gives you wings” the very minute he threw back his fifth can of the caffeine-infused swill while fishing the Sheyenne river. The process was said to have been incredibly painful, and when finished, the flying abilities Adam experienced were akin to that of a newborn vulture. The wings were utterly useless. The Observer caught up with this very flustered individual directly after the incident took place:
“I was inhaling Red Bulls that day. One after the other. All of a sudden, I caught a gust of wind and flew about 25 feet into the air. It sucked. It hurt like hell to flap my new appendages and as I tried to guide myself I had no control & ended up plunging into the river. If I wasn’t completely high and numb from all the caffeine I would have been even more pissed.”
Adam went on to say that the wings were what kept him from drowning, acting as a sort of awkward flotation device. Mr. Odegaard is seeking compensation for damages caused to his body as well as his dignity. Red Bull® could not be reached for comment.
I was looking to capture the anger of the finger wiener and how hungry it was.
Ridiculously Unphotogenic Hugh Jackman
Fargo, ND – The dawn of spring is upon us in North Dakota. This is a welcome change to the region, but with one humongous downside: ROAD CONSTRUCTION. The ugly orange beast is making his presence felt in a major way this year. Since the snow is completely gone already, the DOT has decided to shut down traffic on every major thruway in the Fargo area starting Wednesday.
This construction season is estimated to be so brutal, experts say the mass of Cone Monsters will be visible from space. The Observer recommends that you wear sunglasses at all times as the reflection off of his scaly, orange skin will be so bright it could cause blindness. Also, please do not look the Cone Monster directly in the eye. This leaves you vulnerable to attack. Just, please, stay as far away as humanly possible from the Cone Monster. They can smell the fear on you…especially if you’re speeding through a construction zone.
The Cone Monster is coming to reap!
Buy my junk!
Fargo, ND – So you got something you want to get rid of or sell eh? These days, with the internet, it is so much easier to sell or get rid of something then it ever has before.
Everyone has a camera, every phone has a camera in it, and good quality cameras are so cheap. So what better way to sell something then by posting an ad on the internet. I mean, there are multiple classified ad websites you can list on and an online auction called eBay. All you need to do is simply provide a decent sized picture, a description (this is something that describes what the fuck you are listing), and your ass is good to go, right? Wrong. To some people, that either makes no fucking sense or they didn’t get past the 3rd grade because mother nature hates them so much for being stupid.
Let’s start with the picture aspect of listing something online. Here are some basics that my common sense brain will grace you with. First off, it has to be a decent size. This is critical so people can see what pile of shit you’re trying to pawn off on someone else. I often see people post ads such as the one below. It makes me want to drive my car into the front of their house.
Hey everyone! I sniff paint everyday and hit myself repeatedly in the face for fun! As you can see below, I’ve included a really big picture of my pile of shit so you can see exactly what I’m selling! $1
Here is what the ad should look like.
Oh hey everyone! My mom told me at a young age to not do a ton of drugs so I have a little common sense. I’ve posted a picture below of a really cool post-it note that people randomly leave on my desk for some reason! I don’t understand! They are so silly! Anyways, at least you can see what I’m selling! Thanks! $1
The second part of the ad is the description. Let’s say if you took a picture of your poop. You would probably put in the description, “I’m selling my piece of shit.” Right? Seems simple enough and it describes exactly what you’re selling. Well, not simple enough for these sad excuses for humans. Let my common sense brain grace you with my common sense again. See my examples below.
Right Way
Oh hey everyone! I just got back from the hospital! I had a headache for so long. They said it’s because i’ve been a dumbass for too long! Haha! OMG! Anyways, below I have a piece of shit Toyota Tercel for sale. It has 120k miles, rust all over, hardly works, and tranny is going bad. This piece of shit is all yours for $200.
Wrong Way
Hi! It’s me! I’m a race car driver and I’m retiring my supped up Toyota Tercel. I’ve won national championships with this and I’ve put over 15k into it! This thing is fast! Everything works! This is all yours for $3,000! Super cheap! Must sell fast! In EXCELLENT CONDITION!!! RUST FREE! NEEDS NOTHING!! I’m going to jail soon for running over marathon runners. Silly me! I’m such a clutz!
So there you go. Now you know the basics of not being a dumbass when listing something to sell online.