How To Properly Entertain Guests In Your Home For Coffee Or Tea

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It’s important to know how to properly entertain when inviting guests into your home.

West Fargo, ND – Our staff member who’s considered to be the Fargo-Moorhead area’s Ms. Manners is our very own Ms. Morning Ipson!

Ms. Ipson has a few good tips for when you want to invite someone over to your place for some coffee or tea.

Morning says:

1. Meet the person at the door so you can personally throw their jacket on the floor.

2. If your dog is a barker, one twelve inch piece of duct tape around its mouth should mute the mutt.

3. Have some space cleared off on top of your kitchen table for you and your esteemed guest to sit amongst the towering stacks of magazines you’ve been planning on reading for years.

4. As you invite your honored guest to sit down, pull out an empty chair which you’ve wiped clean within the last month.

5. Offer your special guest either hot coffee or tea, accompanied by a fresh scone or crumpet, and then basically just serve them whatever the hell you have on hand.

6. Keep the conversation limited to small talk, unless your guest mentions anything about President Trump.

7. Have a cute decorative sign pointing to your bathroom which hopefully has been pre-flushed prior to your guest’s arrival.

8. After about an hour of delightful chit chat, tell your guest they now have to leave because you have another guest coming over in ten minutes (it’s not a lie if you believe it).

Interestingly, all of the letters in Morning Ipson can be spun around to spell: Spinning Room!

Brazil President-Elect A Little Too Obsessed With Sexual Education

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Jair Bolsonaro poking fun at his rival Fernando Haddad, “the gay kit candidate”

Riberao Preto, BRAZIL – From our southerly American neighbor Brazil comes news at the forefront of their political landscape. President-elect Jair Bolsonaro, on the tail of a victorious Trump-like campaign, remains infatuated with what he insists the schoolchildren of Brazil were poised to fall victim to: the Gay Kit.

Bolsonaro obsessing over the gay kit in front of millions of TV viewers

According to Bolsonaro, his political opponent Fernando Haddad tried implementing some over-the-top school curriculum during his time in congress. The children’s book Aparelho Sexual e Cia, Um Guia Inusitado Para Crianças Descoladas which roughly translates to Sexual Apparatus and Stuff, An Unusual Guide for School Children, had been Bolsonaro’s prime focus for months during the campaign.

This, among a plethora of other books and props, comprised what Bolsonaro labeled the “gay kit”. He claims that this “gay kit” would have been used to teach kids homosexuality seven years ago if congressman Haddad had his way. Now, even after using it to demoralize his opponent which ultimately led to his winning the election, Bolsonaro cannot stop talking about it.

Having a little fun with the Gay Kit. The finger through the hole becomes a pee-pee.

 

The Pot Now Legal In Four ND Counties

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4 ND counties pass Measure 3

With all the votes now in from the 2018 midterm elections, Measure 3 was successfully passed by a majority of voters in four North Dakota counties.

So now, it will be legal for North Dakotans over the age of 20 who live in Rolette, Benson, Sioux, and Cass counties to legally possess and grow the pot for recreational purposes.

The remainder of counties in North Dakota will be destined to live in the dark ages until such time as they see fit to join with the four heretofore previously mentioned counties, where it is now legal to recreationally possess and grow the pot.

Heroic Pilot Somehow Safely Lands Problematic Plane At The Moorhead International Airport

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After some reported engine trouble, this plane was safely guided to safety by a seasoned skilled pilot.

Moorhead, MN – The day started out just like a normal one for pilot Damario Prothero.

His planned itinerary: Fly straight from Dallas to Toronto and back again, hopefully home in time for supper with his lovely wife, Jacinta.

Unbeknownst to Damario, mechanical trouble of the highest order would suddenly pop up on his instrumentation panel just south of Moorhead, Minnesota.

With only nano-seconds to react, Captain Prothero’s natural instinct for survival took over and he somehow miraculously landed the plane safely with only a few scrapes and bruises to show for it.

Ironically, all of the letters in Damario Prothero can be re-arranged to spell: Moorhead Airport!

Fargo’s First Full Frontal Face Transplant Operation Deemed An International Success

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If you have a dream, Dr. Sanft Plancarte can help make it happen.

Fargo, ND – As a favor for a friend, Dr. Sanft Plancarte of Fargo’s New Face Center is now literally the toast of the town after being the first to successfully design and implement a new human face.

Dr. Plancarte, who started out as an accomplished auto mechanic, has long believed that the face would be the final frontier for the ultimate personal expression of who one really is, as a member of society.

“The patient and I carefully came up with the facial design together, and then we basically decided to just go for it,” explains Dr. Plancarte proudly, as he happily sips some celebratory whiskey straight from the bottle.

If you would like to help design your new face, simply call or stop by Fargo’s New Face Center at its new easy-to-find location.

As expected, all of the letters in Sanft Plancarte can be surgically re-arranged to spell: Face Transplant!

The Cemetery Is Good Place For Trick Or Treaters

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When trick or treating, don’t forget the cemetery.

Fargo, ND – Dr. Headstone of the Halloween Educational Literary Library Organization (HELLO) is reminding children who want to have a full trick or treating experience to not forget to take a slow walk through the local cemetery.

“It is often the last place one thinks of but is really the first place you ought to go when seeking to enjoy a genuine, old-fashioned, Halloween fright night,” opines Dr. Headstone whilst puffing on his old bone pipe.

Dr. Headstone reminds us that Halloween is more than putting on a Trump mask and compiling copious amounts of candy.

“It is the one holiday we have that truly commemorates the dead, and how better to do that than by taking a nice, long, spooky stroll through a foggy cemetery.”

Top Ten Reasons Why The City Of Moorhead Secretly Changed Its Voting Locations

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Good luck trying to find where to vote if you live in Moorhead!

Moorhead, MN – Without letting anyone know, Moorhead city leaders decided to change many of their polling locations.

Many Moorheadians are now wondering why their silly little town would change many of its polling locations without notifying its citizenry.

If you’re looking for reasons, here are some good ones that would explain the odd behavior of the City Council Leaders in this quirky small Minisoda village.

Top 10 Reasons Moorhead Changed Where To Vote:

10. Didn’t think college kids are old enough to vote.

9. Got some bad advice from the Secretary of State.

8. Wanted to keep polling locations a secret.

7. Thought a lawsuit would spice things up.

6. Felt like playing a joke on their city.

5. Thought that no one would really care.

4. They totally deny that they did it.

3. Wanted to give voters a challenge.

2. Simply a power trip gone bad.

1. Because they felt like it.

0. It was time for a change.

-1. Just for the fun of it.

-2. Hey, it’s no big deal!

Fargo Woman Fired From Her Good Job For Having A Bad Hair Day

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Do you think it’s OK to fire someone simply for having a bad hair day?

Fargo, ND – A woman showing up for work at Precision Geometrix Corporation in Fargo was fired on the spot for having an extremely bad hair day.

It is not known whether Ms. Baria Ridderhoff intentionally had her hair looking unusually crazy or if it was just a terribly fortuitous fluke.

From an outside observer’s standpoint (such as her boss), it was deemed to be “bad enough” to ask Baria to immediately pack up her personal belongings and head straight for the exit.

UPDATE: In an attempt to lawyer-up, Ms. Ridderhoff was seen headed to the hairport to allegedly go discuss her case with attorney Michael Avenatti in Newport Beach, California. As she boarded the haircraft, she gave the thumbs-up sign as her wild hair blew wildly in the wind.

Ironically, all of the letters in “Baria Ridderhoff” can somehow be blown around to spell: Fired For Bad Hair!

President Trump Orders Up Some Hurricanes To Dissuade Caravan Of Illegals

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Willa the Caravan make it to the USA despite President Trump’s pair of hurricanes?

Mexico City – As part of Project Dissuasion, President Trump ordered up two hurricanes in an effort to prevent The Caravan from reaching the United States.

Working in close conjunction with the National Hurricane Center, President Trump requested that two new hurricanes be created to hit Mexico as a “welcome present“ to those who would attempt to enter the U.S. illegally.

Algore OKed the request saying that he and President Trump made the deal involving a large purchase of Algore’s Climate Change Carbon Credits in exchange for the hurricanes.

Currently (and by design), both Hurricane Willa and Hurricane Vicente are on track to directly hit The Caravan before it reaches America.

President Trump while playing golf: “If they decide to enter our country legally, instead of illegally, then we’ll cancel the two hurricanes, but for now we’ll just wait and see what happens.“