Tag Archives: north dakota

Algore Sends Frigid Polar Vortex Into North Dakota As Punishment For Fracking

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It is best to not piss off the Godfather of Global Climate Change.

Devils Lake, ND – The Godfather of Global Warming has decided to punish the northern half of MegaKota by routing the icy Polar Vortex back into our entire region.

FMO: “Algore, why did you decide to blast Northern Megakota with a mega-dose of bone chilling Arctic air?”

Algore: “Well, now, I will tell you why. So, sometimes we have to use a carrot and/or a stick. Because of all the terrible horizontal fracking that’s been going on, which I have said is a big No-No, North Dakota needs a strong dis-incentive to not continue with this naughty practice.”

During the near foreseeable future, concerned weatherologists are warning that Global Cooling will be moving in, much like a prolonged uncomfortable visit from your in-laws.

Things North Dakotans Have To Be Thankful For

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Thanks for Thanksgiving!

West Fargo, ND – After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful.

So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some of the following, or simply take out your smartphone and read this list straight off our website.

Things To Be Thankful For If You Live In North Dakota:

1. An upcoming Bison football championship
2. Sanford’s New Level I Trauma Center
3. Our state is a Tsunami-free zone
4. The fabulous Medora Musical
5. That Canada is our neighbor
6. Jamestown’s State Hospital
7. Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop
8. Too Tall Tom Szymanski
9. We’re not South Dakota
10. Horizontal Fracking
11. Global Warming
12. NFL Football
13. Legalize ND
14. The Ralph
15. Cara Mund

The Pot Now Legal In Four ND Counties

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4 ND counties pass Measure 3

With all the votes now in from the 2018 midterm elections, Measure 3 was successfully passed by a majority of voters in four North Dakota counties.

So now, it will be legal for North Dakotans over the age of 20 who live in Rolette, Benson, Sioux, and Cass counties to legally possess and grow the pot for recreational purposes.

The remainder of counties in North Dakota will be destined to live in the dark ages until such time as they see fit to join with the four heretofore previously mentioned counties, where it is now legal to recreationally possess and grow the pot.

Medora Musical Rated Most Over-Hyped Attraction In ND Because It Truly Sucks

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Abhor It. Avoid It. Medora!

Medora, ND – If you’re planning on attending the Medora Musical in Western North Dakota, you obviously have not done your homework.

The FM Observer rates the Medora Musical the most over-hyped and under-whelming attraction in the state of North Dakota.

Even if the outside temperature is perfect, this show is rated a zero on our 1-10 scale of state-wide attractions in the Rough Rider state.

But because of Algore’s Climate Change, the temperature at showtime will most likely either be way too hot or way too cold.

The FM Observer strongly advises you to go see anything else in any other part of the state rather than driving out to the middle of nowhere to see a show that would surely be gonged if it was on the Gong Show.

Montana Tractor Picked Up By Tornado Lands In Minnesota

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This powerful tornado somehow carried a tractor all the way across the state of North Dakota!

Climax, MN – A tractor that started out in Crane, Montana ended up in Climax, Minnesota thanks to a very large and fast moving tornado.

Tornadologist Corry Langfitt says he’s never seen anything like it: “Yeah, I ain’t never seen anything like it,” says Corry, who went on to say: “This would be considered very unusual, if you’re asking me.”

Gatlin Rycroft, the owner of the tractor, was quite surprised to find that his tractor had flown all the way from Crane, Montana, across the entire state of North Dakota, and then into Minnesota where it landed just before it got to Climax.

Gatlin in his own words: “If you would’ve told me my darn tractor would get picked up by a tornado, and then go and land over there in Minnesota, I’da thought you were some kinda crazy nutcase!”

Ironically, all the letters in both Langfitt Corry and Gatlin Rycroft can be re-arranged to spell: Flying Tractor!

Tsunami False Alarm Issued For State Of North Dakota

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The legendary state of North Dakota receives its first ever Tsunami Warning.

Bismarck, ND – Even though it did seem a bit odd at the time, a Tsunami Warning was issued for the entire state of North Dakota.

Without thinking, many folks in North Dakota did have a panicky knee-jerk reaction to the warning, which read: “Tsunami Alert – Listen To Radio: This is not a test!”

Lester Schnopgaard told us that after getting his entire family up onto their roof, he then began to wonder: “Hey, how could a tsunami hit North Dakota, and where the heck would the water be coming from?”

Most people who tuned into the radio only heard some country music or a night-time discussion about how aliens have taken over the White House.

About 28 minutes after the Tsunami Warning was issued, it was then cancelled, which was a huge relief to Lester Schnopgaard and the entire state of North Dakota.

Winter Snow Predictions Now Called ‘Flake News’

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Big Foot seen here walking streets of Fargo during recent blizzard.

Fargo, ND – National weather experts will now be referring to any and all snowfall predictions in the future as Flake News in order to keep up with the changing times and tweets.

The most recent example of Flake News for our particular area is that a half a foot (known as a SmallFoot, as opposed to BigFoot) of snow, accompanied by near-hurricane force winds, has been ordered by Algore to hit North Dakota to help keep out the Riff-Raff here.

Consider the FM Observer your Flake News headquarters as we have many meteorologists on our growing staff that not only like to study meteors but also love predicting snowfall forecasts especially when it comes in the form of horizontally-blowing blizzard snowflakes.

We here at the FM Observer would also like to encourage our readers to be proactive and get outside to do some Pre-Shoveling ahead of any major Flake News.

Cat Racing Coming To Fargo

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Come see the cat races in Fargo while drinking some beer and winning some money!

Fargo, ND – The exciting sport of Cat Racing will soon be coming to Fargo!

“Have some fun while betting on your favorite cat and get drunk at the same time. It just doesn’t get any better than that,” says Carcia Fortgang who is the executive director of the Fargo Cat Race Corporation.

Cat Racing as a sport was popularized in some Third World countries and then made its way to some Second World countries from whence it is now making the jump to some welcoming cities in the USA.

Carcia Fortgang believes that “Fargo, North Dakota is the perfect place for Cat Racing to gain acceptance as a mainstream sport because it is just so doggone exciting!”

Ironically, all of the letters in Carcia Fortgang can be re-arranged to spell: Fargo Cat Racing!

President Trump To Vacation In Fargo

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President Trump loves Fargo!

Washington, DC – President Trump has announced that he and his first family will be vacationing in Fargo, North Dakota sometime in the near future, but is giving few details about the presidential trip.

The President has also indicated that his vacations will shift from a time-based approach to one based on conditions, such as: 1. Are we having a good time, or 2. Is Fargo now a functional democracy?

Unlike previous presidents, President Trump is not giving out any arrival date or hasty departure date in order to keep everyone on their toes, or high heels in Melania’s case.

“I will not say when we are going to vacation in Fargo, but vacation in Fargo we will,” Trump said.

Also, President Trump is acting more like a CEO than a president by authorizing his team members to make decisions on their own, such as: 1. Where shall we eat, or 2. How about if we go see a movie at the Fargo Theater?

Protestants are expected to show up when President Trump attends a church service at a local Protestant church.

Storms Completely Wipe The Town Of Centralia, ND Off The Map

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The quaint town of Centralia, ND is no more.

Centralia, North Dakota – Where there once stood a vibrant little North Dakota town called Centralia, there is now nothing.

“It’s like the town never even existed,” noted one stunned observer who drove by shortly after the storms evaporated.

National Weather Service data confirms that two very strong storms hit Centralia around suppertime but by bedtime there were no beds, no homes, no nothing.

The disappearance of Centralia is already being made into a movie. If you would like to be an extra in this movie, please show up at the former site of this lost town dressed as if you were a Centralian. Please bring your own lunch and water jug as the grocery store is also completely gone.