Tag Archives: time travel

New ND Governor’s Mansion Mistaken For Highway Rest Area By Many Travelers

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Many find the marble bathrooms in the new ND Governor’s Residence to be very nice.

Bizmark, ND – Whether planned or unplanned is not certain at this juncture, but North Dakota’s new Governor’s Mansion looks like a highway rest area to many driving by.

Many a weary traveler going across the state have stopped at the new Executive Residence recently built for North Dakota’s Governor and have walked in to use the main floor bathroom facilities.

Some have even snooped into the kitchen fridge and played the lobby piano before continuing on with their journey.

The architect for the Executive Mansion was unavailable for comment, however he did text us back adamantly asking that we never send him another text again.

Besides looking like a highway rest area, others have likened the Executive Palace to a secretive bilateral nuclear bomb test shelter site.

But since the taxpayers of North Dakota own it because we paid for it, feel free to continue to stop and use it as a highway rest area, but please, only play the piano if you’re a certified trained professional.

Fargo Clock Shoppe Owner Jailed For Refusing To Change His Clocks To Daylight Savings Time

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Fargo man does not want to have to change all 420 of his clocks to Daylight Savings Time.

Fargo, ND – The owner of Ye Olde Clock Shoppe in Fargo is refusing to change all of the clocks in his shoppe to Daylight Savings Time.

Mr. Eagan Tinch who has owned Ye Olde Clock Shoppe since it opened in 1967 says he does not like being told by the government what he has to do to comply with “their arbitrary rules”.

Mr. Tinch in his own words: “I could say that I’m refusing to move all 420 of my clocks forward one hour on religious grounds, or perhaps even coffee grounds, but then I would not be telling the truth.”

Eagan goes on to explain his obstinance thusly: “I have never agreed that mankind can just willy-nilly change time from the way God intended it. Certain things should just be left alone.”

Fittingly, all of the letters in Eagan Tinch can be moved around to eventually spell: Anti-Change!

Fargo New-Born Is Suspected Time-Traveler Based On His Post-Birth Questions

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The hospital staff is quite certain that young Evert Altmire is a legitimate time traveler.

Fargo, ND – A new-born baby who was able to speak just after birth is being treated as a bona fide, de facto, time traveler.

The baby, who was given the name Evert Altmire, surprised the doctors and nurses shortly after birth by asking: “What year is it?”

After being told the answer, young Mr. Altmire asked: “Who is president?”

After being told the second answer, Evert simply said: “Oh, crap!”

If you may possibly have any information regarding the past (or future) of Evert Altmire, please contact the hospital’s baby department.

Amazingly, all of the letters in Evert Altmire can be re-arranged to spell: Time Traveler!

Busload Of Fargo Folks Heading To The Royal Wedding

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This beautiful bus will be bringing some very excited Fargoans to see the big Royal Wedding!

Fargo, ND – What started out as just a joking comment during some weekend beers in a garage has now turned into an official chartered bus that will be bringing a full busload of people from Fargo, North Dakota to attend the Royal Wedding in England.

“Yah, me and some of our neighbors kinda got this-here idea started, and then all of a sudden we got ourselves a full bus going to see Prince Hairy tie the knot with that Markle gal from America,” says Clyde Hammerschmidt of North Fargo.

Just in case they have any last-minute cancellations, please let Clyde Hammerschmidt know if you would like to be a stand-by substitute traveller to go see a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see a historical wedding of Royal proportions.

Fargo Boy First To Ride Rocket Bike Into Space

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Expect to see many more Rocket Bikes flying out into deep space.

Fargo, ND – A young Fargo man who shall remain unnamed since he is only age 15, has not only started his own company called Space Exit, but has also designed, built, and successfully flown his own Rocket Bike into space.

Jermaine Vincent Cohen, who just turned 15 on Saturday, wanted to prove that his dream of flying a rocket bike into space was not only achievable, but also marketable.

His Fargo-based company called Space Exit will soon begin mass-producing his amazing Rocket Bike so other thrill-seekers can experience the extreme exhilaration of blasting off and riding a bike out into deep space.

Some industry analysts are saying that young Jermaine Cohen’s Rocket Bike is to travel as the iPhone was to communication.

Man Mails Himself To Vacation Destination In A Cardboard Box

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There’s more than one way to go on vacation.

Box Elder, SD – Rather than pay exorbitant airfare prices for seats that are getting smaller by the day, one South Dakota man had a creative and relatively inexpensive way of getting himself to Puerto Vallarta.

Declan Morgans decided it would be ten times cheaper to mail himself to Mexico in a cardboard box rather than pay some airline to box him into tight seating not unlike sardines in a can.

Once he arrived at his destination and became unboxed, Declan simply did a few stretches and then headed to the nearest margarita for some automatic attitude adjustment.

Statistics show that more and more people are either mailing themselves or their kids and pets to destinations heretofore only traveled to by conventional modes of transportation.

What do you think about this? Would you travel in a cardboard box to distant lands? Do you think airlines passenger seats are becoming too small and too densely packed together? Does a margarita sound real good to you right about now?

FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival

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Join us for the Fossil Fish Festival. It’s a fun way to waste a weekend and also a great way to meet people you normally would want to avoid.

West Fargo, ND – The FMO Tour Bus is being cleaned out (from our last trip to the State Prison) for our next Reader Tour Fun Package!

Where are we going this time? To Wyoming, to see the amazing Fossil Fish Festival on February 18th!

You may ask yourself: Whyoming? Well, because that’s where the Fossil Fish Festival is being held – in Laramie, which is in the state of Wyoming, which is somewhere North of Colorado.

This will be the 30th anniversary of the designation of the wonderful fossil fish “Knightia”, who is Wyoming’s official state fossil which evolved roughly 50 million years ago!

This extinct fossil fish has served as Wyoming’s State Fossil Fish for 30 years and because it is so similar to herring, they will be serving expensive pickled herring for a nominal fee of $50 per person.

Sign up for our Fossil Fish Festival Fun Package at our Corporate Office Park.

The cost for the entire Fun Package is $999.99 which does not include any food, drinks, lodging, tips, and/or emergency medical attention.

Sign up early and often so we have enough time to do some extreme vetting into your personal life and of those who may be sitting next to you for the 36 hour round trip.

Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon

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This is possibly the first of many busloads of illegal aliens trying to enter the U.S. by flying in over the new Trump Wall.

Moonshine, Illinois – Top scientists from our top-notch science department are warning that a large school bus believed to be full of illegal aliens will be passing between the Earth and the Moon soon.

It is not known who if anyone is drinking while driving this bus nor whether or not it will be just passing on through, making subsequent secondary passes, or perhaps even make a stop for supplies and maby even an extended visitation without representation.

The well-respected Dr. Goytam Tesfalem believes that these so-called illegal aliens might even be trying to 1. either leave this sector to escape paying back taxes, or 2. use the space bus to get over the Trump Wall and freely enrolled in Obamacare.

Spaceologists are wanting to point out that the space-travelling busload of alien freeloaders will be visible during upcoming night skies and there is even a chance they may land in your back yard so you might want to stock up on a variety of refreshments so as to be prepared and not seem like you didn’t expect to be having some unexpected guests drop in directly from space, the penultimate frontier.

Vast Amounts Of Chocolate Discovered On Mars

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If you like chocolate, you’ll love Mars!

Chocolate Valley, Mars – As many scientists have long suspected, the planet Mars has been discovered to have large amounts of chocolate on its surface.

Kudoto Kimikuku, Chief Chocolate Research Scientist for NASA says: “Large rivers of rich dark chocolate have been found flowing on Mars much like the heavy sledge of a BP oil slick.”

Now that the presence of chocolate has been confirmed on Mars, that opens up the possibility that early pioneers traveling to Mars can survive by eating a chocolate-rich diet of cookies, cake, and candies.

If you are interested in signing up to win a free trip to Mars, simply email the FM Observer, explaining in 500 words or less how much you love chocolate and why you should be chosen to make the short jaunt to our neighboring chocolate planet.

Time Traveler To Speak In Fargo 14 Months Ago

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Who am I?

What year is it?

Fargo, ND – Time traveler Vern Milton will be giving a talk on time travel on Wednesday, November 21, 2012. This informal gathering in the NDSU Student Union lounge will be Vern’s personal thoughts on what it’s like to be a bona fide time traveler. His must-hear lecture will then be followed by an extensive Question & Answer period. Free hot coffee and powdered donuts will be served by the Physics Department.

If you have any questions for Mr. Milton about time travel, please be sure to jot them down and attend this special happening. Vern said that he did the same event, at the same venue, back in 1956 and 1975 where he had good exchanges of thoughts on this subject with some very interested students from the region. He admitted: “The people I spoke with in 1975 were quite a bit more open-minded about time traveling than back in ’56.”

Since he has seen it all before, here are some of the questions Vern answered back during his previous visits to Fargo:

Q: Being a time traveler, do you have any words of wisdom for us?
A: Yes. If you have something you need to get done, don’t wait until tomorrow to do it.

Q: Are you married, and if so, how does your wife feel about all this?
A: Well, I’ve gotten married a number of times…all to the same woman. She always seems happy to see me again.

Q: Do you have any control over your time travel?
A: About as much control as you do over the stock market.

Q: Can you tell us anything about the future?
A: No, not much, because that might alter the future. But I can tell you that North Dakota continues to do very well!