Category Archives: Recipes For Success

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New Family Fun Game For The Holidaze: Add-On Swear Word!

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The 1st person says a swear word. The 2nd person says the 1st swear word and adds a 2nd swear word. The 3rd person has to say all the previous swear words and then add another one, and so on and so forth. It’s fun, for the whole fucking family!

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is rolling out a new family-fun game just in time for the fucking holidays. It’s called Add-On Swear Word!

One brave family member simply starts it off by saying a swear word out loud.

Taking turns going clockwise, each next person has to say all the previous swear words in order from first to last, and then add another swear word to the end of the fucking list.

As the list gets longer and longer, this game is sure to bring your family closer together during the blessed holiday season.

Add-On Swear Word has also been shown to increase the vocabulary of the younger generations while being a good memory exercise for those with mild or severe dementia.

The Ralph Engelstad Arena Being Dismantled Brick By Brick

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Bricks for sale as "The Ralph" is deconstructed as response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Bricks for sale as “The Ralph” is deconstructed in response to Fighting Sioux name change.

Grand Forks, ND – On the same day that out-going UND President Robert Kelley announced that the Fighting Sioux will now forever after be called the Fighting Hawks, workers quietly began the slow and painful process of taking down the Ralph Engelstad Arena according to the benefactor’s original instructions.

Back when “The Ralph” was first being built, Ralph Engelstad said that if the Fighting Sioux nickname ever fell victim to political correctness, he would have this most beautiful hockey palace taken down brick by brick.

As the Ralph Engelstad Arena is torn down, bricks will be auctioned off one-by-one along with everything else in the building, until everything is gone, and the site is once again back to what it once was, an open grassy piece of land where the Fighting Sioux once lived.

With Turkey Shortage From Bird Flu, Many Opting For Emu On Thanksgiving Table

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Give thanks with an emu.

Birdseye, Utah – After losing millions of turkeys to the avian flu, the resulting turkey shortage is causing many to seek an alternative for their traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

At the very first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims had to settle for eating turkey which were in abundance, while their first choice, the emu, was not to be found in North America at that time.

Now the tables have turned. Emu ranchers who are long on emu are providing stores with a wonderful alternative to the traditional turkey.

In order to roast an emu, you will need an oven about the size of a Yugo. Whereas one turkey feeds a family of five, one emu will feed a family of fifteen (or two families of seven and a half).

Emu cooking tips can be found at this website.

For anyone interested in becoming an emu rancher, please contact Dr. Dromornithids and mention that you read this article to receive two free emus as a starter pack to get things going.

Ancient Roman Ruins Found Just South Of Jamestown, North Dakota

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Early Roman settlement found South of Jamestown, North Dakota

Early Roman settlement found South of Jamestown, North Dakota

Gackle, ND – A lone deer hunter accidentally discovered some ancient Roman ruins near the town of Gackle, North Dakota.

The Romans are believed to have settled in this rural area of North Dakota after Columbus gave them a ride to America on the Santa Maria.

It is believed that while here, digging for Tyrannosaurus rex bones (which unfortunately became extinct because they tried to raise their minimum wage to exorbitant levels), the Romans were killed off by the Fighting Sioux out of Grand Forks, who were in turn, later wiped out by the NCAA, a notorious left-leaning bureaucracy specializing in political correctness.

To view these amazing Roman ruins with your very own eyes, simply drive straight South out of Jamestown down to County Road 46. Then head on West towards Gackle where you’ll turn onto County Road 56. Go a few miles South where you will want to eventually turn left onto an unmarked gravel road which is near an old barn that’s seen better days. Drive down that gravel road “for awhile” until you see a barbwire fence by some circular hay bales which look like unfrosted maxi-wheats. Then, get out of your car with your camera and cigarettes, and walk about a half mile in any direction, and yell: “Where the hell am I?!”

Edible Cricket Farming Providing Many Fargo Families Extra Income During Sluggish Obama Economy

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Many struggling families buying a ticket to the edible cricket farming business.

Many struggling families buying a ticket to the edible cricket farming business.

Fargo, ND – With healthcare costs becoming more and more unaffordable due to increasing premiums and deductibles under the UnAffordable Care Act, many Fargo families have turned to edible cricket farming in an effort to help make ends meet.

Edible cricket farmer Torok Kadosa believes his new cricket farming business will allow Santa to bring at least one nice present to each of his four children for Christmas this year, in spite of what Obamacare has done to slow our once-roaring economy to a meow.

Mr. Kadosa and his family have also become quite fond of cooking and eating crickets, as have many green restaurants to which edible cricket farmers sell most of their crickets.

Torok says “you can boil them, broil them, bake them, or saute the little guys.” He has even tried cricket-kabobs, cricket creole, and cricket gumbo.

Some restaurants have been successfully serving pan fried crickets, deep fried crickets, and even spicy stir fried crickets.

Mr. Kodosa also suggests making cricket soup, cricket stew, and cricket burgers.

If you would like more information on starting your own edible cricket farm, simply go to Start A Cricket Farm and enter promo code “Cricket To Me!”

For Thanksgiving, Win Your Family A Trip To Turkey!

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Four free nights for a family of four at the Grand Turkey Hotel.

4 nights 4 a family of 4 at the Grand Turkey Hotel!

Fatsa, Turkey – Readers of the FM Observer are invited to submit their application for a trip-of-a-lifetime to Turkey for Thanksgiving.

In your application, briefly explain why you and your family should be selected for this most special holiday trip to the homeland of the Turkey.

The chosen winning family will stay at a 3-star hotel and provided a full turkey dinner each and every day, cooked just the way the locals have eaten it for centuries.

If it’s not raining, travel the picturesque countryside being pulled by horse on a hay wagon while being serenaded by hand-made mandolins.

Stop to purchase spices ground in mortar and pestles dating back to the Byzantine Empire.

Everything included, the trip will only cost you $3,850 per person, not including U.S. and Turkish duty taxes, and plus a 15% finder’s fee for the FM Observer.

Start packing your bags because the time is now, and the place is Turkey!

Volunteers Needed As Fargo Seeks To Break Beer Drinking Record

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Volunteer to drink some beer!

Fargo, ND – Worthy volunteers are being sought as Fargo gears up to break the world record for the most amount of binge beer drinking performed during a 48-hour weekend.

The record Fargo seeks to break is “average per capita beer drunk by a group of 250 beer drinkers during 48 hours from 6PM on Friday to 6PM on Sunday”.

Madison, Wisconsin currently holds this world record. Last year, their group of 250 beer drinkers each drank an average of 49 pints of beer.

If you think you have what it takes to help Fargo break the record, and would like to volunteer to be a member of this elite recording-breaking drinking group, please sign up at any of the downtown Fargo bars.

World’s Fastest Banjo Player Coming To Fargo To Do Free Banjo Workshops

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Banjo Joe is the hummingbird of banjo pickers.

Pickens, West Virginia – The undisputed fastest banjo player in the world is coming to Fargo, North Dakota!

Ol’ Joe Perkins has long been the fastest banjo player in the world.

Banjo Joe first became the world’s fastest banjo player when he was just 19 years old, and has held the title every year for the last seventy years.

He was once clocked picking his banjo at 138 mph.

Clarence “Picker” Chitlins once described Banjo Joe as “the hummingbird of banjo pickers!”

If you are a banjo player looking for some life-changing inspiration, or just want to be totally amazed, Ol’ Joe Perkins will be doing some free workshops at the new Death Valley Retirement Home in Fargo.

US Military Top-Secret Balloon Dog On The Loose

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Runaway dog answers to the name Schnitzel.

Harrisburg, PA – A very large runaway military doggy balloon was recently seen in the skies around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

The giant brownish wiener dog-shaped balloon is reportedly for a special military mission to “smell out” trouble.

It’s radar technology is as sensitive as it is expensive (over $200,000,000).

Unfortunately, this top-secret balloon dog somehow broke free from its leash and decided to go looking for some friends or perhaps a very large fire hydrant.

If you happen to see this 200 foot dog-shaped balloon (who answers to the name Schnitzel), please call your local Dog Catcher for immediate assistance.

Endangered Sea Monkeys Found In Fargo’s Red River

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Rare family of Sea Monkeys throw monkey wrench into Fargo’s water supply!

Fargo, ND – Scientists have discovered a family of Sea Monkeys living in the Red River near downtown Fargo.

Sea Monkeys were recently moved off of the endangered species list. These cute little suckers are now considered critically endangered and thus are a very protected species of living creatures.

The Environmental Protection Agency has declared that Fargo can no longer use the Red River as its source of drinking water, effective immediately.

Fargo is now scrambling to find alternative sources of water.

Some possible ideas proposed by Fargo leaders include: Devil’s Lake, Sam’s Club, or buying dehydrated water off of the internet.

If you have any ideas that could possibly help, please do not hesitate to contact the Fargo City Commission immediately.

In the meantime, Fargo’s rare family of lovable little Sea Monkeys can be seen playing in and around the Red River by Dike East.