Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Russians Hack Krispy Kreme’s Secret Recipe

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The Russians might use this recipe to make spare tires for their military trucks.

Moscow, Pennsylvania – With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe.

FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme’s secret doughnut recipe?

President Trump: I think it’s a bad deal, a very bad deal, which must be investigated.

Krispy Kreme Founder Vernon Rudolph: Impeccable presentation is critical wherever Krispy Kreme is sold. We must produce a collaborative team effort and never get hacked.

Krispy Kreme CEO Michael Tattersfield: Since 1937, we have striven and strived to be the worldwide leader in sharing delicious tastes and creating joyful memories.

Gov. Chris Christie: I am quite panicked right now! If I donut have my six Krispy Kreme Doughnuts every day I might have to close down a major highway while I have a major panic attack.

President Putin: This whole thing is just a big hoax. However, if we did hack the Krispy Kreme Doughnut secret recipe, we could use it to make spare tires for our military jeeps.

New FM Area Golf Course To Cross Interstate Highway

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Golf Pro Wade Lancer does not see playing golf over Interstate-94 as a big problem.

Fargo, ND – In an effort to keep up with a growing demand for golf courses in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, Urban Golf Association Partners (UGAP) is opening its newest challenge along Interstate 94.

It is called Fargo Diversions and its catchy slogan is: “We put the PAR in Party!” This unique golf course will have players actually shooting over I-94 in multiple places.

Its designers have added five extra holes so that par for the course is 94 shots in honor of the Interstate Highway 94.

“This 23 hole golf course will possibly be the location for the 2026 US Open Golf Tournament if things proceed as we have foreseen them,” says golf pro Wade Lancer who encourages you to please call the clubhouse and make your reservations to play Fargo’s newest and funnest golf course.

FM Observer: “But what about the cars? What about people playing golf across I-94? Doesn’t UGAP see this as a potential problem?”

Golf Pro Wade Lancer: “Well, we figure most FM area golfers are good enough to not hit a fracking car, and besides that, it’s not easy to hit a moving target so the golfers probably couldn’t hit a car or truck even if they were trying to.”

Cancellation Of UND Women’s Hockey Was Just A Bad April Fool’s Joke

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UND sincerely apologizes for joking that the Women’s Hockey program had been cancelled.

Grand Forks, ND – As many expected, the recent announcement that the famed UND Women’s Hockey program at the University of North Dakota was just a complete fake-news hoax.

It turns out that the university’s decision makers simply wanted to play a big joke on the top-notch world-class Women’s Hockey program but did not think that anyone would believe it.

But unfortunately, they took the joke too far and everyone including the Women’s Hockey Team and coaches all believed the poorly-planned hoax which its perpetrators now admit was very “mean and stupid”.

Even though the UND Women’s Hockey program has actually not been cancelled, there is one bit of follow-up news that might turn a few heads: The UND Men’s Hockey program will be cancelled due to financial problems at the school, along with the fact that they recently suffered a stunning double-overtime loss to Boston University in Fargo.

FMObserver Soon To Open University Dedicated To Teaching Fake News

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West Fargo, ND – A dream of our FMO Founding Fathers will soon come to pass: Having our very own university entirely focused on teaching every asspect of Fake News.

What began as a basic remote summer camp with a few tents will soon proudly be a full-scale university with doors, toilets and even a secretary or two.

FMO University will be the first fully accredited school in the USA offering undergraduate and overgraduate degrees in fake news, satire, creative writing, writing therapy, libel, and humor. Students can focus on one area of study or any combination therein/thereof.

Doctor Jock Livingstone: “As Dean of the FMObserver Univershity, I’m so very proud to represent the future of Fake News for generations to come, as mankind travels down the pathology to its own destiny in the iClouds. You can bet your sweet bippy that this wonderful school of higher learning will be attended by my kids, their kids, and their kids’ kids, and so on and so forth, so help me God.”

Local Hospitals Reporting Increasing Numbers Of Gogopox Cases

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What should you do if you think you’ve gotten the Gogopox? 1. Don’t panic. 2. Don’t panic! 3. Don’t panic!!

Moorhead, MN – The first of many new 21st century diseases is making its presence known in the Midwest.

Many over-crowded area hospitals are now reporting a sudden spike in the number of serious cases of Gogopox.

This rare pox-type disease is believed to have mutated from the British eating horse meat at certain unnamed fast food McRestaurants in their country.

The Gogopox then quickly spread via the Internet to any locales using an unprotected wifi router whose installer had not changed the default password that was shipped from the manufacturer.

What are the symptoms of Gogopox? This viral infection which is highly contagious has a wide variety of symptoms, so wide that literally ever symptom in the book could be a sign of Gogopox.

Is there a cure to the Gogopox virus? Well, of course, there’s a cure to everything if you have enough money. But for the hoi polloi, the answer is NO.

What to do if you contract Gogopox? Call the toll-free hotline at 1-800-GOGOPOX and ask to speak with someone who speaks your language.

Jack Nicholson Opening A Bar In Downtown Fargo

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Jack Nicholson is The Shining example of what an actor should be like.

Fargo, ND – Actor Jack of the Nicholson clan plans to open a new bar in renascent downtown Fargo called The Cuckoo’s Nest.

Not only does Jack Nicholson plan on opening a state-of-the-art bar in Fargo, but he also plans on spending a lot of time there visiting with Fargo locals who also enjoy sipping adult beverages because Jack has also just announced his intentions to permanently move to Fargo, the place of his childhood birth.

“Since I was born in Fargo at a very young age, this is from where I would like to enter heaven at a very old age,” says the actor who’s won an Oscar for three different films including One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

All females servers in The Cuckoo’s Nest will dress like Nurse Ratched and a large sign on the wall will remind patrons: “If you don’t want to take your medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange for you to have it some other way.”

FM Observer: “So just one final question for you Mr. Nicholson: What’s the main reason you want to finally retire from acting and move to Fargo and start taking it easy…just hanging out at The Cuckoo’s Nest?”

Jack Nicholson: “You want answers? You want answers? I’ll answer the question! Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Fargo’s Dr. Hendassa Calling It Quits After 150 Years Of Service

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“After 150 years of practicing medicine and I am still learning.” –Dr. Frank Hendassa

Fargo, ND – Fargo’s own Dr. Frank Hendassa has decided to finally retire after practicing medicine for 150 years.

Dr. Hendassa opened the original Dakota Clinic out of a covered wagon back in the year 1867, the same year that Nebraska became the 37th state.

This was the year that antiseptic surgery and mouthwash were discovered by Joseph Listerine.

Dr. Hendassa did it all back then, doing surgery, internal medicine, and even delivering babies one whose name was Frank Lloyd Wright.

Later in his career at about the 100 year point back in 1967 Frank decided to specialize in keeping his patients healthy and looking young and fit, which obviously rubbed off on himself.

FM Observer: What are the keys to staying youthful and looking good?

Dr. Hendassa: Frankly speaking, I would say being happily married is key. Also, a shot of booze every afternoon certainly doesn’t hurt. Beyond that, I believe playing a lot of ping pong has really helped me stay young and fit. Ping pong and regular naps. Those are both key to living a long and productive life. Now if you don’t mind, it’s time for my nap.

Gang Signs Causing Fights Between Rival Retirement Homes

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Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.

Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.

Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.

“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.

Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.

For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.

If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.

Husband Of Peanut Farmer’s Wife Driving Her Nuts

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Part of why the peanut farmer’s wife went nuts was because of her husband’s lack of organization and focus along with some other stuff.

Nuttsville, Virginia – Murly Spanielson says her husband is to blame for her having gone completely nuts.

Ironically, Sparky Spanielson, a nut farmer by trade, has said he pleads not guilty to all charges except for maybe the “going nuts” part.

Murly has supposedly gone through all the different stages of going nuts and is currently at Stage #19 where she wants to bring charges to Sparky in the form of two large electrical wires hooked directly up to their 200 amp electrical service box.

Sparky, who literally grows nuts, more and more each year it seems, does admit he has a problem trying to stay focused which leads into his secondary problem of getting and staying somewhat organized.

Relationship counselor Beatrice Nicely says she has never seen anything like it: “Yeah, as a trained professional relationship counselor, I ain’t never seen anything like this, and that’s a for sure!”

If you would like to donate to Murly Spanielson’s gofundme account, simply decide if $100 seems right, or perhaps $250 is more what your gut is telling you on this one.

If you would like to support Sparky Spanielson, he will be giving a demonstration on nut farming in his garage which he is trying to clear out by next Friday. Sparky asks that you bring some random item for him to add to his collection of things to work on once he finishes this year’s nut crop.

New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs

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The Magic Donut caters to druggies.

Fargo, ND – Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo.

The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind.

Jami Hendrix: “Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?”

She is calling her new biz simply The Magic Donut.

Ms. Hendrix: “We want to heighten people’s donut experience. We can do this with special music and lighting, cool interactivities, along with the general design and layout of the space.”

Besides having wonderful donuts at The Magic Donut, Jami is planning on having:

1. Jimi Hendrix music playing backwards.
2. Highly interactive donut areas.
3. Booths that keep changing shape, like Oprah.
4. Movies playing such as Trainspotting and Blow.

Question: What is the slogan of this new Magic Donut you may ask?
Answer: “Donut chew wanna donut?” and “We have very high standards!”