Use Decorative Duct Tape To Help Your Partner Stop Snoring During The Holidays

Leave a reply

To stop snoring, duct tape works every time it’s tried.

Duck, NC – Are you looking for a smart solution to your partner’s snoring problem?

Have all your other feeble attempts to get a good night sleep failed?

Our very own Dr. Willy Nilly suggests using something that you probably already have in your home: Duct Tape!

Studies have shown that duct tape works 100% of the time for stopping snoring sleepers.

Directions: Simply cut a one foot section of heavy-duty duct tape and then carefully apply across the mouth area of your sleeping spousemate. During the holiday season, consider using decorative duct tape for a more festive mood.

Sponge Pudding Shortage Threatens Some Local Family Traditions

Leave a reply

Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding is a Christmas tradition for many Fargo families.

Fargo, ND – If you’re having a hard time trying to find some Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for Christmas, you are not alone.

Many families in the Fargo area share the same holiday tradition of eating Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding on Christmas Eve.

Anastasia Fritzi’s family has had the Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for five generations, going all the way back to their motherland of Prussia.

“What the hell are we going to do if we can’t find any Spotted Dick before Christmas?” she asks, as her family looks like they’re about to cry and freak out simultaneously.

We have learned that a special Sponge Pudding Support Group is forming to help families just like the freaking Fritzis.

In the meantime, Sponge Pudding grief counselors are encouraging their clients to possibly start to consider a new Christmas tradition, such as: making eggnog milkshakes, have a talent show, go pajama caroling, adopt-a-pet, hiding of presents, volunteering at a soup kitchen, snow fort building, or just an old-fashioned family food fight!

Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark

Leave a reply

Fargo family believes this hammerhead is their Uncle Martin, who recently drowned in the Pacific.

Fargo, ND – In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so.

Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater holding tank.

City Commissioners unanimously voted down the idea after the matter came up at their last meeting, with this comment:

“The City of Fargo is utterly dumbfounded by this request, and since we’re not in the business of crazy, we hereby deny this request for this family to adopt Uncle Hammerhead.”

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Fargo Man Won’t Confirm Nor Deny That He’s Running For President

Leave a reply

Will I or won’t I? Shall I or shan’t I? These are the tough questions facing Fargo’s Rinfret Pounders.

Fargo, ND – At this time, Fargo native Rinfret Pounders will neither confirm or deny that he is planning on running for president of the United States in the next presidential election.

Speculation surrounding the 35-year-old Fargo native continues to swirl while a decision to run or not by Rinfret Pounders is still completely up in the air.

Mr. Pounders’ best friend and chief campaign strategist is Pruner Steindorf, who recently leaked:

“At this juncture, Mr. Rinfret Pounders may or may not be running for president. We are leaving all options on the table, if you will.”

Curiously, all of the letters in Rinfret Pounders and Pruner Steindorf can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Run For President!

Man Who Had Just Figured Out Solution To Climate Change Problem Hit By Bus

Leave a reply

Man with a plan no longer can remember it after getting hit by a bus.

Fargo, ND – Mr. Lonnie Clayhanger had just had the ultimate solution to the Global Climate Change problem suddenly dawn on him.

While he was then attempting to carefully walk across the street to jot it down at a Subway sandwich shop, Mr. Clayhanger was sadly hit by a driverless city bus.

Unfortunately for our entire global community, the accident has left Lonnie with acute, Level III amnesia.

As expected, the driver of the driverless bus has officially been cited for distracted driving by use of a smartphone.

Moral: Don’t cross the street to jot down your idea.

Try This FMO Family Tradition Whilst Enjoying Your Thanksgiving Day Togetherness

Leave a reply

After you tell someone how they can improve, they should just say: Thank You!

Fargo, ND – On this blessed day of Thanksgiving, the FM Observer family would like to share a very old tradition that has been passed down to us from our four-fathers and four-mothers, and from theirs before them.

Whilst gathered round the feast table enjoying all the same old recipes as last year, gradually go around and have each person tell someone else at the table one way that they can improve them self.

To which the only allowable answer is just: Thank You!

And then that person gets to do the same to another, and so on, and so forth. Round and round we go. Where it stops, nobody knows.

The FM Observer truly hopes you try this as a way of not only bringing your family closer together, but also as an overall way of improving society in general, during these trying times of survival on Planet Earth.

Things North Dakotans Have To Be Thankful For

Leave a reply

Thanks for Thanksgiving!

West Fargo, ND – After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful.

So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some of the following, or simply take out your smartphone and read this list straight off our website.

Things To Be Thankful For If You Live In North Dakota:

1. An upcoming Bison football championship
2. Sanford’s New Level I Trauma Center
3. Our state is a Tsunami-free zone
4. The fabulous Medora Musical
5. That Canada is our neighbor
6. Jamestown’s State Hospital
7. Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop
8. Too Tall Tom Szymanski
9. We’re not South Dakota
10. Horizontal Fracking
11. Global Warming
12. NFL Football
13. Legalize ND
14. The Ralph
15. Cara Mund

NFL Pickem Calculator Is Amazingly Accurate

Leave a reply

This new calculator can pick the winners of NFL football games with amazing accuracy.

Pick City, ND – If you’re in an NFL pickem league and want a leg up on your fellow pickem pickers, the new Ronco Pickem Calculator is for you!

Simply pick it up, turn it on, enter a few basic parameters about any upcoming game in question, and the Ronco Pickem Calculator will give you its best guess, which has been scientifically proven to be incredibly correct.

Dr. Dumpster Johnstone has been using the Ronco Pickem Calculator for his workplace pickem pool: “I love this fricking calculator because I’m in First Place all by my lonesome!”

Ms. Camille Clampton says: “I would truly be lost (and losing) if someone somehow took this amazing tool away from me, so please don’t even think about it!”

If you need some serious help in your football pickem pool, get yourself a new Ronco Pickem Calculator wherever Ronco products are sold.

Or better yet, just ask your Secret Santa to get one for you!

Hip Downtown Fargo Condos With Sheek New ‘Dilapidated’ Exterior Now For Sale

Leave a reply

You can’t judge a book by its cover.

Fargo, ND – If you’re looking for a cool, new flat in happening Downtown Fargo that’s super hip and trendy, the new high-end condos by Dilapidated Design are hopefully going to sell very quickly.

“Even though the outside has that sheek, new ‘dilapidated look’, the insides are anything but,” says Brigitte Margaux, who manages the expensive property.

Condo prices for the new Dilapidated Design units start at $3.8 million.

If you’re wondering about parking, no worries because Downtown Fargo has plenty of parking (POP). Just make sure you don’t park for more than 90 minutes in any one spot otherwise you’ll get ticketed at best and towed at worst.

To schedule a showing, simply call Brigitte Margaux at Dilapidated Design by dialing 666-6666, and use promotion code: Sheek!

UFO Sightings Over Ireland Shortly After Release Of New ‘Guinness Plus’ Beer

Leave a reply

Guinness Plus: All the flavor and twice the punch!

Dublin, Ireland – You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland.

You might not’ve known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus!

Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the body and flavor of regular Guinness bier but packs a double–punch of enjoyment when it reaches your nervous system.

FMO: What was the impetus for creating your new Guinness Plus bier?

Paul: We wanted to be listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the strongest beer in both the flavor and alcohol content categories.

Guinness Plus does now come with a disclaimer on each bottle: Warning…May cause UFOs to appear!