Tag Archives: climate change

Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome

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This will be how Glyndon, MN will soon look if Jesper Søndergaard has anything to say about it.

Glyndon, MN – The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world.

This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who has real experience with this type of concept as he has actually done it in the South Swedish highlands (Sydsvenska höglandet) of his home country of Sweden.

Jesper såger: “Yah, I think after Glyndon gets used to being covered by a dome like we did over in Sweden there, people hier will really start to see the benefits of it. Climate change will basically be totally negated, not to mention no more blizzards, even tho I just did.”

In Swedish, the word for a dome is en kupol. To cover something is omslag, and stad is obviously their word for town. So, putting it all together now: Jesper Søndergaard would like to omslag the stad of Glyndon with en kupol!

There will be an informational townhall meeting on this impotent subject where citizens of the quaint town of Glyndon can learn more and ask questions.

Mr. Søndergaard wants folks to know that “Det finns något sådant som en kupol fråga”, which roughly translates into: “There’s no such thing as a dome question!”

Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

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The USS Fargo

Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland as Algore’s Global Cooling Initiative begins to pick up some glacial momentum from the International Council of Temperature Mitigation efforts to manage Earth’s water’s changing modal properties.

The USS Fargo along with its highly trained crew of 75 will work tirelessly to keep the Red River of the North ice-free from Wahpeton to Winnipeg as concerned climatologists foresee many major ice storms which threaten to shut down the transportational aspect of our economy leaving only the Red River as the last viable means to thorough-fare goods and people to differing latitudes.

Marvin Nimmaster on the reality of Global Cooling: “The imminent threat of the Earth icing up like a giant snow cone is no longer an arguable hoax that can be joked about by climatological comedians but rather is as real as the moose standing in the middle of the road as your vehicle is trying to slam on its brakes to avoid having the thousand pound beast land in your lap while you’re trying to get to grandma’s house to go sip some eggnog.”

Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?

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World leaders and scientists get together for climate change summits all the time. They discuss the ongoing threat of global warming and what to do about it. Tireless research findings and factual statistics are batted around like they’re the shuttlecock in a World Badminton Tournament. But every year, they enact a different narrative.

This year, another embarrassing u-turn for climate “scientists”. First they said 2015 was the hottest year on record. Now they’re saying it’s 2016! These researcher knuckleheads really need to get their facts straight on global warming. Are the polar ice caps melting or not, or what? Is Al Gore on to something or is he on something?

Did we lose a half foot of precious Florida beach sand in the last decade? If we did, bummer! Plenty of sand still there. Last I heard, none of the beaches along our coasts have closed due to lack of sand space nor do they plan to. In fact, the warmer it gets, the more fun the beach is! That’s what Big Climate doesn’t want you to realize. They want you to completely disregard the benefits of record-breaking hot temps and rising tides.

To expect us to listen to their political posturing and misinformation during this wave of sub-zero temperatures is rather insulting. Al Gore should wait with his next Inconvenient Truther documentary until winter starts being just a tad more comfortable. Until my dog can stand in the backyard for longer than 2 minutes in December without getting frostbite. Until China stops devaluing its currency. Game of Thrones fans know: Winter is coming. And it always will.

Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend

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It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

International Falls, MN – After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes.

Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed that near-term Global Cooling is strong evidence that long-term Global Warming is “getting worser”.

Luckily, Algore’s carbon footprint tax plan is starting to be implemented which could not only save Planet Earth just in time but also win Algore at least one Nobel Peace Prize.

Climatological Mediators will also be doing some large-group counselling sessions with the Global Warming group and the Global Cooling group to see if a nice moderate temperature can be agreed upon by mixing the two.

The FM Observer is proud to have facilitated discussions about this important subject going back to the onset of the common bathroom blow dryer which was later shown to cause the melting of the polar stocking caps just as we had foreseen it in our laboratories.

Here are just a few of the articles the FM Observer has done about this timely subject:
Warmer Winters Maby Not All Bad
Springtime Global Warming Surprises Everyone
Robins Concur With Global Warming
Algore’s Warming Volcanic Activity
Brazil’s Sick Sugarloaf
How To Combat Global Cooling With Bonfires
Warming Causing Rising Oceans
Global Drying
The VooDoo Solution
What To Do With Climate Change Deniers
Go Green With Green Shoes

All Climate Change Deniers To Be ‘Rounded Up’ And Sent To Work Camps

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Welcome to Carbon Footprint Global Warming Work Camp

Welcome to Global Warming Work Camp!

Marfa, TX – Ever since the threat of carbon emissions was deemed to be the #1 threat to our country’s safety, Big Government is wasting no time in dealing with deniers of Climate Change.

All who have publicly (or privately) denied Global Warming, or Climate Change in general, will be forcibly gathered by the U.S. Marshals Service and transported (free-of-charge) to one of many Federal detention facilities which have been thoughtfully set up in extremely remote parts of the country, such as Marfa, Texas.

At these “Denier Workcamps”, guests will be invited to self-tutorialize themselves on Climate Change facts and figures, perform various experiments on fracking and carbon dioxide pollution, make posters for upcoming Climate Change protests, and maby even help Algore collect unpaid carbon footprint taxes.

If you have ever overtly expressed doubt about Global Warming or Climate Change, expect a firm knock on your door by fully-armed U.S. Marshals sooner rather than later.

First Fargo Robin Sighting A Sign Of Spring And Global Warming

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I know it's a little early but it sure feels like Spring!

I know it’s a little early but it sure feels like Spring!

Fargo, ND – Multiple reports of a robin sighting in the trees around the West Acres Mall indicate that Spring is just around the corner.

Sheila McCox who had just entered the mall’s parking lot said: “I was so surprised and happy to see my first robin that my car drove itself into a light post!”

While many welcome an early sign of Spring, others grow increasingly concerned that late January is way too early for robins to be returning to Fargo.

Chief climatologist Thiv Simpskins says: “This is further confirmation of Global Warming. It may be time to seriously start looking for another planet.”

In the meantime, Fargo residents can begin to look for more signs of Spring: 1. The returning of the Redhawks, 2. Potholes, 3. The beginning of road construction season, 4. Minor flooding (if we’re lucky), and 5. Mosquitos carrying the Zika Virus.

Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming

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algore_manbearpig

Where is Manbearpig?

Cupertino, CA—Famed internet inventor and climate changeologist Al Gore went on the offensive yesterday during an Earth Day event at Apple® headquarters. When news of the Chilean volcanic eruption broke, Gore equated it to a byproduct of global warming.

“The continual warming of the Earth’s crust leads to violent reactions that harm our atmosphere,” said Gore. “It’s an inconvenient truth: Volcanic eruptions belch smoke and ash into our very fragile ecosystem because YOU and I won’t REDUCE our Carbon Footprint!”

The former Vice President echoed the sentiments he’s been expressing for years. Even now, his war on warmth is as furious as it’s ever been.

“The glowball is warming! Manbearpig is real! Enjoy the internet! God bless the United Atmosphere of America!”