Tag Archives: tea party

Directions To Our FMO Corporate Headquarters For Reader Meet-N-Greet Parties

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Our FMO Corporate Office Park can be reached from almost anywhere!

West Fargo, ND – In appreciation of our beloved and faithful readers, your FM Observer will be hosting a sensational series of Reader Meet-N-Greets during each of the upcoming weekends.

Expensively fine free food will continually be served by our very own French Chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne including Loony Lobster Bisque, Polar Bear Patty Burgers, Midwest Carp Casserole, Red Rum Spicy Pie, and old-fashioned Butterscotch Pudding.

Fabulous door prizes will include: A vintage Vespa scooter, valuable paintings by Amsterdam Douglass, Get-out-of-Jail cards, one-way trips To Grand Forks, unopened cans of Spam, breeding pairs of Sugar Gliders, autographed and framed pictures of Dr. Willy Nilly, and lots more!

Live Music will be provided by The Double Negatives.

Amazingly accurate fortune tellings will be performed by Precog!

How to get to FMO Headquarters from almost anywhere: Turn right at the next light, drive 4.2 miles until you see a small house on a corner, turn left, and then simply follow our welcome signs. Enjoy! And thanks for reading the FM Observer ☺

How To Properly Entertain Guests In Your Home For Coffee Or Tea

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It’s important to know how to properly entertain when inviting guests into your home.

West Fargo, ND – Our staff member who’s considered to be the Fargo-Moorhead area’s Ms. Manners is our very own Ms. Morning Ipson!

Ms. Ipson has a few good tips for when you want to invite someone over to your place for some coffee or tea.

Morning says:

1. Meet the person at the door so you can personally throw their jacket on the floor.

2. If your dog is a barker, one twelve inch piece of duct tape around its mouth should mute the mutt.

3. Have some space cleared off on top of your kitchen table for you and your esteemed guest to sit amongst the towering stacks of magazines you’ve been planning on reading for years.

4. As you invite your honored guest to sit down, pull out an empty chair which you’ve wiped clean within the last month.

5. Offer your special guest either hot coffee or tea, accompanied by a fresh scone or crumpet, and then basically just serve them whatever the hell you have on hand.

6. Keep the conversation limited to small talk, unless your guest mentions anything about President Trump.

7. Have a cute decorative sign pointing to your bathroom which hopefully has been pre-flushed prior to your guest’s arrival.

8. After about an hour of delightful chit chat, tell your guest they now have to leave because you have another guest coming over in ten minutes (it’s not a lie if you believe it).

Interestingly, all of the letters in Morning Ipson can be spun around to spell: Spinning Room!

Long Island Ice Tea Party Seeking Their Presidential Candidate

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Wouldn’t the staff members of the Long Island Ice Tea Party Caucus be called the staphylocaucus?

Long Island, NY – Fed up with all the shinanigans going on in government and politix today, the Long Island Ice Tea Party is ready to make its move.

Pre-caucus meetings of the Long Island Ice Tea Party are being held in bars, pubs, and clubs all across what’s left of America.

Party leaders are determined to find a presidential candidate who represents not only the lollypop guild but also the non-lollypop hoi-polloi folks who still love the American Dream as much as they do a good strong Long Island Ice Tea.

Spokesman Ray Schnauzer slurred to his translator: “With just the right ingredients, our party’s candidate will bring to the Oval Office just the right blend of sweet and sour, while delivering the most bang for the buck, do you know what I’m saying?”

After having a few Long Island Ice Teas, if YOU feel that YOU have what it takes to be president, then simply stand up and say “I nominate myself!” at the next pre-caucus getogether of your local Long Island Ice Tea Party.

President Attacked By Young Tea Party Organizer

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Don't drool on me!

Don’t drool on me!

Arlington, VA – After addressing the nation during a somber Memorial Day service at Arlington National Cemetery, the ever-popular President Obama was jumped by a crazed, young Tea Party organizer.

Parker Cornell, of Hubert, North Carolina, successfully attempted to attack the president, in spite of a number of Secret Service agents who were surrounding the president at the time.

After jumping onto President Obama’s upper chest, young Parker quickly grabbed and scratched the president’s nose while drooling on his shirt.

Apparently Mr. Cornell (age 4.5 months) was upset about his Tea Party group being audited by the IRS, after the IRS had initially delayed the group’s application to become a tax-exempted 501(c)(4).

Parker’s parents told reporters that their son had been unusually quiet earlier that day and they had no idea of his planned presidential assault.

As a Class D felony, this crime is punishable by five to ten years in a federal prison, along with a maximum fine of $250,000.

When asked about this incident, young Parker held up a sign saying he cannot yet speak English. He also indicated that this would not be the last we hear from this young, right-wing zealot.