Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Joaquin Phoenix’s “Cries Of Anguish” Wins The Oscar For Best Picture

The next time you pour milk on your cereal, think of the calf who should have gotten that milk.

Hollywood, CA – As expected, Joaquin Phoenix’s movie Cries Of Anguish won the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Cries Of Anguish is a wonderful movie about cows being artificially inseminated.

Then, the cow babies are stolen from their mommy cows for the veal industry, which prompts unmistakable Cries Of Anguish.

All of the stolen milk, which should have gone to the baby cows, is taken from the mommies, only to be put into our cups of coffee and onto cereal in your cereal bowl.

Joaquin Phoenix, in his powerfully delivered acceptance speech, showed that he is no joker when it comes to pointing out the wrongful entitlement that humans feel in order to inflict such violent acts against our bovine friends.

Amy Klobuchar Wrestles Woman To Ground After Being Attacked

Senator Amy Klobuchar prepares to body slam alleged attacker to the floor.

Penacook, New Hampshire – Presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar successfully wrestled a Bernie Sanders supporter to the floor after being suddenly attacked while campaigning near New Hampshire’s capital city of Concord.

Luckily, the Minnesota senator had wrestled as a Trojan on her Wayzata High School team, so she instinctively knew some basic moves to protect herself when the need arose.

After the incident, Senator Klobuchar said she now needs to focus all of her attention on wrestling with Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sander, Quid Pro Joe, and Mayor Pete.

Weekly Listing Of Divorces In Cass County

There are just as many reasons to get divorced as there are divorces.

Fargo, ND – It’s time once again to list the divorces going down in Cass County.

All of the following couples are uncoupling.

They have decided to part ways and go in different directions.

After some matrimonial restructuring, these former life partners will be relieved of their marital duties as they drop the terms “husband” and “wife” from their spousal relationships.

Here is this week’s listing of marriages that are being relocated to Splitsville:

Lori Aveline vs. Butch Barfneck
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She didn’t take my last name.

Dorine Blavnok vs. Valim Blavnok
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is Scientology a cult or religion?

Marta Blinkfire vs. Kolt Blinkfire
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Brussel Sprouts!

Jezza Borgwheezel vs. Olaph Borgwheezel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Definition of “clean”.

Camelia Brandagamba vs. Vernius Brandagamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Impossible Impeachment Impasse.

Matilda Brockhouse vs. Cosimo Brockhouse
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse laughs too loudly.

Pamphila Brownlock vs. Jago Brownlock
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband spends too much time in the basement.

Trixa Chertofski vs. Kinck Chertofski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Weed gummy bears.

Robin Chubb vs. Xander Chubb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse won’t come out of the closet.

Zelda Chunkfest vs. Lester Chunkfest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Sense of humor differences.

Gringa Clayhanger vs. Niles Clayhanger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The juggling of our finances.

Starla DePhilpott vs. Gifford DePhilpott
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who wears the pants in our family?

Camelia Diggle vs. Uffo Diggle
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Smartphone distraction.

Zoelle Ergerjoint vs. Knute Ergerjoint
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Poor grammar (past participles)

Herkna Fimvest vs. Dorknel Fimvest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Control of the remote controls.

Bertha Flokmesker vs. Angstoid Flokmesker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Is the FMObserver real fake news?

Gerda Galbassi vs. Bucca Galbassi
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Global Warming vs Climate Change.

Lalia Gawkroger vs. Sancho Gawkroger
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My husband is losing his marbles!

Ingo Goldworthy vs. Bungo Goldworthy
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Quid pro snow.

Melila Headstrong vs. Eliot Headstrong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Over-usage of our credit cards.

Lusha Inkshed vs. Joltan Inkshed
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Einstein’s theory of relatives.

Zhway Jongburg vs. Nyork Jongburg
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different definition of decency.

Milava Konvalb vs. Bilavo Konvalb
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: The 5th Amendment.

Suzetta Lightfoot vs. Fulvus Lightfoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Multi-level furniture.

Thora McMolten vs. Judd McMolten
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Prayer breakfasts.

Moxie Nogbanks vs. Buster Nogbanks
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Turning our living room into a pistol range.

Psalm Olgschmacher vs. Wellington Olgschmacher
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Honda vs Hyundai.

Rhoda Puddifoot vs. Segol Puddifoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Selection of pizza toppings.

Astoria Quivelski vs. Cyprus Quivelski
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: She is possessed by the devil!

Dayja Rafferty vs. Conrad Rafferty
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Walls dividing every room.

Golden Rumble vs. Holman Rumble
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Number of condiments in the fridge.

Malva Sandyman vs. Filberto Sandyman
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: My spouse is colluding with the Russians.

Pandora Smallburrow vs. Togo Smallburrow
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Peanuts envy.

Cameo Stafko vs. Francois Stafko
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Usage of South Park for home schooling.

Juna Tafanofleroid vs. Zix Tafanofleroid
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Excessive flatulence.

Delvina Trumpiano vs. Rectan Trumpiano
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Different levels of hoarding.

Mariposa Twofoot vs. Milo Twofoot
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Difference between work and play.

Jessalyn Ugersmacker vs. Jax Ugersmacker
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: NFL Pickem choices.

Julla VanDruBoaix vs. Betan VanDruBoaix
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Who should walk the dog?

Elna Vanpiper vs. Wermbang Vanpiper
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Abuse of flower.

Merni Vlemeyer vs. Carvon Vlemeyer
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Severe halitosis.

Damarni Whempest vs. Jork Whempest
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Whether “memoji” is a valid scrabble word?

Bing Loo Xing vs. Bong Lee Xong
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Too much/too little makeup.

Jilian Yelpstern vs. Tonk Yelpstern
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Stacking beer cans.

Onesta Zaragamba vs. Haiduc Zaragamba
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Lack of respect for in-laws.

Anima Zorvdunkel vs. Guavchut Zorvdunkel
π‘…π‘’π‘Žπ‘ π‘œπ‘› π‘“π‘œπ‘Ÿ π‘‘π‘–π‘£π‘œπ‘Ÿπ‘π‘’: Making coffee.

Fargo Police Add New Dog That Can Detect Weird Activity

You can’t hide any weirdness from K-9 Tweek.

Fargo, ND A new dog is being added to the K-9 team of the Fargo Police Department.

Tweek is his name and detecting weirdness is his claim to fame.

K9 Tweek is trained to sniff out any and all types of weird activities and people.

If you are exhibiting any form of weirdness, Tweek will quickly and easily point that out to his handler.

In a situation where multiple weirdnesses are occurring, Tweek is trained to signal which is the most weird.

Besides being trained to sense anyone acting weird, Fargo’s new K-9 unit is also trained to give an alert signal for any activities that might be considered at all strange, unusual, odd, different, abnormal, kooky, freaky, and peculiar.

After Iowa Caucus App Fails, Iowa Dems Using 1920’s Adding Machine To Try And Calculate The Victor

Iowa’s inability to add causes division.

Des Moines, Iowa – Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet.

Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine who was rightly the victor of the country’s first presidential caucus.

Even though the results of the Iowa Democrat presidential caucus might not be certain for months, at least they have a solid and reliable piece of machinery upon which to tally the precinct totals and hopefully then one day announce with full confidence which candidate was the victor.

Moral of the story: During these modern times of apps and downs, we might still want to remember how to do things the old-fashioned way.

FMObserver Donates Valuable Work Of Art To Popular Soup Kitchen To Boost Morale

π”½π•£π•šπ•–π•Ÿπ••π•π•ͺ 𝔽𝕒𝕔𝕖 by Amsterdam Douglass has an appraised value of $350,000

Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer has announced plans to donate a very valuable work of art to the Second Lutheran Church soup kitchen in a magnanimous effort to boost mid-winter morale.

The soup kitchen, cleverly called “The Souper Bowl”, is located next to the Second Lutheran Church, and is one of the most popular soup kitchens this side of Dilworth.

The work of art which is being donated by the FM Observer is an infamous painting by Sir Amsterdam Douglass who recently came out of retirement just to create this masterpiece for “The Souper Bowl”.

The painting is entitled π”½π•£π•šπ•–π•Ÿπ••π•π•ͺ 𝔽𝕒𝕔𝕖, which Amsterdam Douglass reportedly painted of his grandson Omar, supposedly after eating a healthy portion of magic mushrooms.

Everyone who reads this post is invited to visit “The Souper Bowl”, and see π”½π•£π•šπ•–π•Ÿπ••π•π•ͺ 𝔽𝕒𝕔𝕖 up on the wall, while enjoying some mushroom soup.

Male Who Identifies As Female To Compete In Next Miss North Dakota Pageant

If Hannah becomes the next Miss North Dakota, she will represent ND in the Miss America Pageant!

Williston, ND – The next Miss North Dakota pageant will include its first-ever male competitor.

Hannah Bouncy who grew up on the outskirts of Zap, North Dakota is biologically male but she has totally identified as being female since first grade.

“I am so very wonderfully excited and blessed to be allowed to compete in the next Miss North Dakota competition,” says Hannah with a tear, as she repeatedly bench presses 285 pounds in preparation to compete for the Miss North Dakota crown.

The entire Bouncy family is decorating a bus with posters and balloons to help bring Hannah to a win in North Dakota so that she can go on to represent the great state of North Dakota in the national Miss America Pageant!

This Man Doesn’t Remember Who He Is. Can You Help Identify Him?

The only thing this man recalls is the word BINGO.

West Fargo, ND – A man came wandering into our FM Observer Corporate Office Park not remembering his name, if he’s married, where he works, where he lives, or the names of any family or friends.

When we asked the man where he had recently been, that too seemed to draw a complete blank.

He did say that the word “Bingo” vaguely was popping up in his mind but was not sure if that’s in reference to the game or possibly a dog.

Perhaps this is a case of stolen identity or a bump on the head, or this man simply got out of the wrong side of his bed…after a super confusing dream.

Most of us have experienced a short period of temporary amnesia which maybe lasts for just a few seconds, and perhaps this man’s amnesia will naturally fade away.

If you happen to know this man, or know anything about him, please pass that information along so that we can hopefully help solve The Case Of The Unknown Man.

Man’s Death Blamed On Panic Attack Caused By Extreme Frustration During Jigsaw Puzzle Tournament

It may take weeks to put together the pieces of this puzzling death.

Fargo, ND – What began as a potentially fun afternoon gradually swirled into a personal implosion for one jigsaw puzzle tournament participant.

Mr. Lemm TweedClopton entered the annual jigsaw puzzle tournament with high hopes of possibly finishing in the Top Five people to successfully complete a very challenging jigsaw puzzle in one very intense race against time.

Mr. TweedClopton had not done very well in past tournaments but regular practice sessions seemed to have indicated some improvement.

Shortly after the tournament’s starting bell, Lemm began experiencing a major panic attack caused by extreme frustration from not being able to get any of the puzzle pieces to fit together.

When the ambulance showed up minutes later, Mr. Lemm TweedClopton was pronounced dead, but the actual cause of death remains puzzling.

Unfortunately for him, all of the letters in Lemm TweedClopton can be re-pieced together to spell: Complete Meltdown!

Corona Virus Now Treatable With Extra Lime

Use two limes to protect yourself against the deadly Corona Virus.

Corona, SD – With another disease heading our way from China, our very own Dr. Orvin Caruso who lives and works in Corona, South Dakota is already well ahead of this new and potentially deadly virus.

Dr. Caruso first points out that the Corona Virus is a meat-eating virus since the letters in πŸ…²πŸ…ΎπŸ†πŸ…ΎπŸ…½πŸ…° πŸ†…πŸ…ΈπŸ†πŸ†„πŸ†‚ can be quickly mutated into spelling: πŸ…²πŸ…°πŸ†πŸ…½πŸ…ΈπŸ†…πŸ…ΎπŸ†πŸ…ΎπŸ†„πŸ†‚

Orv goes on to explain that since we now know that the πŸ…²πŸ…ΎπŸ†πŸ…ΎπŸ…½πŸ…° πŸ†…πŸ…ΈπŸ†πŸ†„πŸ†‚ is of the πŸ…²πŸ…°πŸ†πŸ…½πŸ…ΈπŸ†…πŸ…ΎπŸ†πŸ…ΎπŸ†„πŸ†‚ type, its spreading can be effectively quelled by using an extra lime with your Corona, like pirates did to prevent scurvy.

“Instead of one lime, simply use two,” Dr. Caruso spells out, as if we’re all back in first grade.

Amazingly, all of the letters in “Orvin Caruso” can be mutated into spelling: Corona Virus!