Tag Archives: zika virus

Covid-19 Cases Now Reported Up In Heaven, Including Some Deaths

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Saint Peter is now checking the temperature of new arrivals prior to entering the Pearly Gates.

Heaven, iCloud – The far-reaching global pandemic is now reportedly being reported up in Heaven where a number of souls have tested positive for Covid-19.

Surprisingly, a small percentage of those in Heaven with the Corona Virus have died from the highly contagious and deadly virus.

Until further notice, Saint Peter will be testing new arrivals for any signs of fever or other symptoms prior to entering The Pearly Gates.

Those who do not seem to have a clean bill of health will be asked to wait in Purgatory until they get well or until an effective treatment is available.

First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now “Acting Funny”

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This is the first machine to allegedly get the Corona Virus from a human being.

Corona, California – The first documented case of the Corona Virus being passed from a human to a machine has now been confirmed.

The machine, whose identity is being kept confidential for now, keeps on saying the same message over and over:

“The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.“

Luckily, the machine in question has been quarantined but authorities are trying to see if it possibly shared data with any other machines within the past two weeks.

Signs that a machine might have the Corona Virus include: 1. repeating weird messages, and 2. just plain “acting funny” in a general sort of way.

If you suspect that any of your machines fall into this category, immediately place them in a large container such as a garbage can with the top lid securely fastened.

Fargo Man Who Dreams He Was On A Cruise Ship Wakes Up With Corona Virus

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If you find yourself dreaming that you’re on a cruise ship, get tested for the Corona Virus before waking up.

Fargo, ND – While sleeping soundly in his Fargo home, a man who had a dream of being on a cruise ship woke up testing positive for the Corona Virus.

After deciding to self-quarantine in his bedroom, the man fell back asleep only to find himself back on the same cruise ship where he could at least be quarantined somewhere else besides his Fargo bedroom.

Once the dream cruise ship ran out of food, hunger caused the man to wake up again back in his Fargo bedroom only to discover that he did not actually have the Corona Virus and that the whole thing had been part of a larger dream.

To celebrate the fact that he was now truly testing negative for the Corona Virus, the man booked a cruise on a real cruise ship where he subsequently did actually catch the Corona Virus and as you might expect is now quarantined on that particular cruise ship.

Interestingly, while actually being quarantined now on a real cruise ship, the Fargo man in question had a dream that he was waking up back in his Fargo bedroom and testing negative for the Corona Virus.

Moorhead Man Willing To Part With N95 Filtration Masks For $100 Each

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One for $100 or a box of ten for only $999

Moorhead, MN – A Moorhead man who has stockpiled literally thousands of the much-demanded N95 facial masks is now selling them for $100 each.

Mark Rhoades says that as a favor to the community, he is graciously willing to part with his N95 masks for only $100 each or if you want to save a dollar, a box of ten masks is only $999.

When we asked Mr. Rhoades why he was doing this, he responded thusly:

“Because I’m a smart guy, I loaded up on these 3M masks for me and my family, and now that it seems I have way more than we could ever use, the community benefits from my proactive fore-thinking.”

Sadly, all of the letters in Mark Rhoades can be re-filtered into: Mask Hoarder!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Asked To Help Fight The Corona Virus

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Super heros to fight super virus!

Super heroes to fight super virus!

Atlanta, GA – The Trump Administration is wisely asking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for assistance in fighting the Corona Virus War.

President Trump is personally calling upon the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Team to lead our country’s fight against the latest spreading viral threat.

“As this Corona Virus is really starting to go viral, it totally makes sense to have the team of Leo, Mikey, Raph, and Donnie be on the front lines to battle this sick Corona Virus because these Super Turtles have a natural immunity to the Corona Virus,” tweets the president.

The FM Observer has also learned that one possible option on the table is for those who have contracted the Corona Virus to be placed in comfortable Governmental Sick Camps where they can be cared for by the Turtle Team, while being completely quarantined safely away from the rest of society.

Corona Virus Now Treatable With Extra Lime

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Use two limes to protect yourself against the deadly Corona Virus.

Corona, SD – With another disease heading our way from China, our very own Dr. Orvin Caruso who lives and works in Corona, South Dakota is already well ahead of this new and potentially deadly virus.

Dr. Caruso first points out that the Corona Virus is a meat-eating virus since the letters in 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 can be quickly mutated into spelling: 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂

Orv goes on to explain that since we now know that the 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 is of the 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂 type, its spreading can be effectively quelled by using an extra lime with your Corona, like pirates did to prevent scurvy.

“Instead of one lime, simply use two,” Dr. Caruso spells out, as if we’re all back in first grade.

Amazingly, all of the letters in “Orvin Caruso” can be mutated into spelling: Corona Virus!

“Gray Stray Cat Virus” Now Infecting Some Home Computers

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Say hello to your new computer virus!

Cathead, Pennsylvania – A new computer virus called the Gray Stray Cat is on the prowl.

It silently lurks in waiting until unsuspecting computer users let down their guards.

How will you know if you have the Gray Stray Cat virus?

Oh, you’ll know! It will periodically pop its head up whilst giving you a nice long me-e-eow. Just be happy you didn’t get the barking dog virus!

How can you make it go away?

Stop giving it milk and then hire a computer-wise fourth grader from your neighborhood to carefully remove it from your infected computer.

Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast

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Mosquitos that carry the Zika are called Mozikos.

Miami, FL – As hazardous Hurricane Hermine passed over Florida, most people were worried about the obvious winds, rains, and flooding from a category one hurricane.

What most people did not realize was that as tropical storm Hermine moved up along the East Coast, the mosquitos that carry the Zika Virus (mozikos) would get transported to new areas of the country.

So now, the toublesome Zika Virus will be spread much further North and much more quickly than previously predicted by the CDC and the FMObserver.

Luckily, your FMObserver has vigilant observers throughout the country who are constantly observing this and other potentially problematic situations, such as the Facebook satellite and Hillary’s hacked email server.

Zika Fears Creating Need For Last-Minute Olympic Substitutes

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#1,234 ranked golfer John Daly says yes to participating in the Zika Games.

#1,234 ranked golfer John Daly says yes to participating in the Zika Games.

Rio, Braziliana – Unexpected opportunities for unlikely Olympic participants are being caused by Olympic qualifiers deciding to not go to the Rio Games due to Zikaphobia.

After years of training, sacrificing, and qualifying for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, many athletes who should be going are not.

Since none of the American Men’s Golf Team qualifiers are participating due to Zikaphobia, players such as John Daly, who is currently ranked #1,234 in the world, are stepping up to represent their country.

In some other Olympic competitions, substitutes with literally zero experience in that sport are volunteering to give it a shot.

Toby Smucker, who has never thrown a shotput in his life, will be representing the USA in the shotput event.

Amanda Garson, who has a chronic bad ankle, will be competing for her country in the Women’s 200 meter hurdle event.

If you would like to participate in the 2016 Rio Games, please contact the American Olympics Committee as soon as possible and indicate what sport(s) you would like to try.

2016 Rio Olympics Being Moved To Zanzibar

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Zanzibar: The site of the 2016 Rio Olympics!

Zanzibar: The new site of the 2016 Rio Olympics!

Zanzibar City, Zanzibar – Since Rio de Janeiro is having such a plethora of problems including: a government meltdown, uncontrolled street violence, raw sewage in Guanabara Bay, an epic water shortage, and the zika virus, the International Olympic Committee has decided to change the site of the 2016 Rio Games to Zanzibar.

Zanzibar, which is known for its spices, has sometimes been called the Spice Islands. It is the location of the world’s shortest war, which lasted only 38 minutes against Britain.

Olympic athletes, when not competing in the 2016 Rio Games in Zanzibar, will be able to enjoy spending time at a number of wonderful clean beaches, do some scuba and snorkeling with turtles and dolphins, visit Cheetah’s Rock, see the Seaweed Center and the House Of Wonders, relax at the Butterfly Centre, eat at numerous restaurants in Stone Town, and finish off the day drinking tangawizi (ginger beer).

Because of local religious practices, both women and men should make an effort to cover their legs and arms, avoid public displays of affection, drink alcohol discreetly, and fast during Ramadan.

So, see you all in Zanzibar from August 5-21, the newly announced site for the 2016 Rio Olympics!

Live Your Passion in Zanzibar!