Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.
Below are very important questions everyone should consider asking before joining a religion.
Are there unicorns?
Are there dragons?
Will you rape me of my money?
Will you rape me?
Will you rape my children?
Do you think for me or do I think for myself?
Is it ok to pass gas in a church pew?
Are gays your sworn enemy? If so, would you go to war against them? What weapons would you use?
Do I get superpowers?
Is touching a woman’s or man’s arm considered sex?
Are animals considered robots?
Do you believe in modern medicine or are you miracle healers?
Are there free donuts available after we congregate?
Do you wear special underwear?
Do you pray to god or use some type of electronic device like a cellphone?
Do you perform mating rituals?
Do I have to give you my belongings?
What date do you consider the end coming?
If Jessica Biel became a zombie and tried to bite you, would you let her get a little tongue action in before you blew her head off?
How many followers does your religion’s twitter feed currently have?
How many times did the Bible’s writers misuse the words ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ before you guys edited it?
If your religion could have a mascot, what would it be?
What is the outside food/beverage policy during worship?
I have an aversion to needles. Will you be administering heroin or any other harmful drugs during bloody sacrifice? (hopefully only applies to Satanism)
True or false: If you keep all the hair trimmings from every haircut you’ve ever had, you would have enough to construct a life-size hair twin?
“Love Me” is a song by Lil Wayne, released on January 18, 2013 as the third single from his upcoming tenth studio album I Am Not a Human Being II (2013).
Lil Wayne has got that A1 credit at that Filet Mignon. Basically this entire song is about banging bitches. I lost count of how many times the word bitches and niggas were used. Lets just say, A LOT. Solid writing skills here. I think this is the first time I read some lyrics and i’m like ‘Ewww’.’ No I’m not getting older. The lyrics are just ewww.
It’s probably a good thing the song is autotune because, man, this song would suck so bad. Singing these lyrics to any women are sure to get them to love you.
See for yourself. I have posted these glorious, genius written lyrics below. Don’t forgot to watch the video. Probably one of the best music vidoes to ever have been made.
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge:]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 1: Lil’ Wayne]
Pussy-ass n-ggas stop hatin’
Lil’ Tunechi got that fire
And these hoes love me like Satan…
F-ck with me and get bodied
And all she eat is dick
She on a strict diet
That’s my baby
With no makeup she a ten
And she the best with head
Even better than Corinne
She don’t want money
She want the time we could spend
She said “cause I really need somebody,
So tell me you’re that somebody”
And girl, I f-ck who I want
And f-ck who I don’t
Got that A1 credit
At that Filet Mignon
She say “I never wanna you make you mad,
I just wanna make you proud”
I say “baby, just make me cum,
Then don’t make a sound”
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 2: Lil’ Wayne]
Real n-ggas, f-ck these haters
These hoes got pussies like craters
Can’t treat these hoes like ladies, man…
Pussy, money, weed, codeine
She say my dick feel like morphine
I hope my name tastes like sardines to these n-ggas
She wake up, eat his dick
Call that breakfast in bed, 69.96
I feel her heartbeat
I touched her chest with this bitch
Now turn around, face down, I’m arresting this bitch
Yeah, all my bitches love me
And I love all my bitches
But it’s like soon as I cum
I come to my senses
And I would say these hoes’ names
But then I would be snitchin’
And these haters try to knock me
But they can’t knock me off the hinges
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
[Bridge 2: Lil’ Wayne]
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
Bitch…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
Here is the video to this garbage song.
“Yea, as long as my bitches love me.” Take that lyric with you wherever you may go. It could probably get you through some tough times.
Encino, CA – Due to the recent problems within the company, Infinity Ward looks to release multiple call of duties all next month.
Infinity Ward has had quite a few internal problems lately. Their first slick move was on March 1, 2010 where they fired Jason West (Infinity Ward president, and CTO) and Vince Zampella (CEO and co-founder of Infinity Ward). What followed that were multiple lawsuits. Lastly and most recently was the departure of Robert Bowling in 2012.
Infinity Ward knows its subscriber base. They will literally buy anything. With that, Infinity Ward looks to release Call of Duty 5, Call of Duty 6, Call of Duty 7, and Call of Duty 8 all next month.
Fans of the series also have exclusive access to purchase seasons passes for each and every title for the low cost of 1500 Microsoft points per game. Each season pass will consist of multiplayer maps from all previous Call of Duty series that you already probably bought.
With these releases, Infinity Ward hopes it will keep their fans busy so they may focus on releasing Call of Duty 9 the month after.
My eyes are starting to get bloodshot. I’ve been celebrating the religious superbowl. The selecting of the new pope.
I’ve been up since Tuesday morning anticipating the conclave and the electing of the new pope. Why? Because there are three Americans in the running! America! America!
What? You didn’t know? The American candidates that have a chance of wearing an awesome pope hat, having a pope mobile, and living in a castle amongst a ton of wealth are Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York, Cardinal Sean O’Malley of Boston and Cardinal Donald Wuerl of Washington, D.C.
Ok ok. I don’t know who the hell these people are either. I threw a party Tuesday night and gave out free pope hats and just cheered for ‘merica. In fact I’m still wearing my pope hat and probably won’t take it off until they finally choose someone. I wore it to work and thankfully nobody said a word.
I’m tired. I’ve been partying strong about the conclave since 10 in the morning on Tuesday and I’d really appreciate it if they could finally choose someone here already. I’m at my wits end. I was waiting all night and then……then the black smoke….AGAIN. Ugh! The anticipating is killing me! I can hardly stay awake and I smell of alcohol and holy water.
The voting will continue until Saturday March 16. At that time the cardinals will break for a day of prayer and reflection. Maybe take a shower, take a shit, and eat.
Anyways, I’d like this pope party to end here. I’ve poped myself out.
Pope Benedict XVI shockingly and abruptly announced his resignation earlier this week after nearly eight years as the head of the Catholic Church.
Pope Benedict XVI is the first pope to resign in over 600 years. He is also the first pope to utilize Twitter, who must have had help and direction from god himself to get that working.
What is the pope going to do now? Well it isn’t retirement that’s for sure.
The Pope has been hired to head coach the Penn State football team effective the beginning of next month.
We feel Pope Benedict XVI to be everything we are looking for to lead this fine football team here at Penn State — Anita Bure (public relations)
We feel his hands-on experience with the youth is second to none and it’s just what we need for our program — Assistant Coach
Wednesday, Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his last public Mass as pontiff in which he had this to say:
“As you know, I’ve decided to renounce the ministry. I know this may come as a shock to all of you but this may be even more shocking. I’ve been hired head coach of the Penn State football team. I know I know…crazy you say. However, with my connections with the lord jesus christ, Penn State needs all the help they can get. I also have extensive hands-on experience with the innocent children here on earth and I really feel this will transition well into their football program.”
The Pope will make his final public appearances later this month
Take a deep breath. You are about to be blown away by a fucking all-star cast of singers on this one.
This weeks Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week are from an ‘artist’ named ASAP Rockey from his single Fuckin’ Problems. He’s got a whole lot of problems. Problems of fucking sucking. This single features the all-star cast of ASAP Rockey, 2 Chainz, Drake & Kendrick Lamar. What a crew. Crew full of sucking.
The song starts off with the word ‘fucking’ being used 7 times out of 9 lines of so called lyrics.
I love bad bitches, that’s my fucking problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fucking problem
I love bad bitches, that’s my fucking problem
And yeah I like to fuck I got a fucking problem
I love bad bitches, that’s my fucking problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fucking problem
If finding somebody real is your fucking problem
Bring your girls to the crib maybe we can solve it
Solid lyric writing skills there I must say. Here is the rest. This great song goes on to say:
[Verse 1: A$AP Rocky]
Hold up, bitches simmer down
Taking hella long, bitch give it to me now
Make that thing pop like a semi or a nine
Ooh baby like it raw with the shimmy shimmy ya, huh
A$AP get like me
Never met a motherfucker fresh like me
All these motherfuckers wanna dress like me
Put the chrome to your dome, make you sweat like Keith
Cause I’m the nigga, the nigga nigga, like how you figure?
Getting figures and fuckin’ bitches, she rolling Swishers
Brought her bitches, I brought my niggas, they getting bent up off the liquor
She love my licorice, I let her lick it
They say money make a nigga act nigger-ish
But least a nigga nigga rich
I be fucking broads like I be fucking bored
Turn a dyke bitch out, have her fucking boys, beast
“All these motherfuckers wanna dress like me.” No we don’t. Seems his lyric writing skills consists of only two things. Using the word ‘nigga’ as much as possible and talking about fucking women.
Next up is Drake. Fucking all-star here.
[Verse 2: Drake]
Ooh, I know you love it when this beat is on
Make you think about all of the niggas you’ve been leadin’ on
Make me think about all of the rappers I’ve been feedin’ on
Got a feelin’ that’s the same dudes that we speakin’ on, oh word?
Ain’t heard my album? Who you sleepin’ on?
You should print the lyrics out and have a fuckin’ read-along
Ain’t a fuckin’ sing-along ‘less you brought the weed along
Then ju.. (Okay, I got it)
Then just drop down and get yo’ eagle on
Or we can stare up at the stars and put the Beatles on
All that shit you talkin’ ’bout is not up for discussion
I will pay to make it bigger, I don’t pay for no reduction
If it’s comin’ from a nigga I don’t know, then I don’t trust it
If you comin’ for my head, then motherfucker get to bustin’
Yes Lord, I don’t really say this often
But this long dick nigga ain’t for the long talkin’, I beast
*sigh* He does save his best writing ability for the end that even John Lennon/Paul McCartney would be proud of. That is the, “But this long dick nigga ain’t for the long talkin’, I beast” line.
Finally, Kendrick Lamar is up. Fucking all-star.
[Verse 3: Kendrick Lamar]
Yeah ho, this the finale
My pep talk turn into a pep rally
Say she from the hood but she live inside in the valley now
Vaca’d in Atlanta, then she goin’ back to Cali, mmm
Got your girl on my line, world on my line
The irony, I fuck em at the same damn time
She eyeing me like a nigga don’t exist
Girl, I know you want this di–
Girl, I’m Kendrick Lamar
AKA Benz is to me just a car
That mean your friends-es need be up to par
See my standards are pampered by threesomes tomorrow, mmm
Kill em all dead bodies in the hallway
Don’t get involved, listen what the crystal ball say
Halle Berry, hallelujah
Holla back I’ll do ya, beast
“I can’t write worth a shit and have absolutely zero creativity so I talk about fucking women all the time.” – Kendrick Lamar
If you actually want to watch this shitfest then have at it.
So there you have it. I think the words speak for themselves. I’ll simply leave it at this. Below is one chorus…ONE…from Tupacs song All Eyez On Me. It blows every lyric ever written by ASAP Rockey, 2 Chainz, Drake & Kendrick Lamar combined together for the rest of their life OUT OF THE WATER. That tells you something.
I bet you got it twisted you don’t know who to trust
So many playa hating niggaz tryin to sound like us
Say they ready for the funk, but I don’t think they knowin
Straight to the depths of hell is where those cowards goin
Well are you still down nigga? Holla when you see me
And let these devils be sorry for the day they finally freed me
I got a caravan of niggaz every time we ride (every time we ride)
Hittin motherfuckers up when we pass by (when we pass by)
Until I die; live the life of a boss playa
Cause even when I’m high, fuck with me and get crossed later
The futures in my eyes, cause all I want is cash and thangs
A five-double-oh – Benz flauntin flashy rings, uhh
Bitches pursue me like a dream
Been know to disappear before your eyes just like a dope fiend
It seems – my main thang was to be major paid
The game sharper than a motherfuckin razor blade
Say money bring bitches, bitches bring lies
One nigga’s gettin jealous, and motherfuckers died
Depend on me like the first and fifteenth
They might hold me for a second, but these punks won’t get me
We got foe niggaz, and lowriders, in ski masks
screamin Thug Life every time they pass {All Eyez On Me}
A number of factors come into play when a school is deciding whether or not to close their doors due to weather events.
Below are some of the obvious factors:
– It is so cold that your balls shrivel all the way up into your scrotum so you no longer have balls and literally freak out wondering where your balls went. No school for you.
– At least TWO of your children slip on the ice while going to school and suffer severe brain damage then school might be called off. Remember it has to be at least two children.
– Zero visibility. It better look like Lindsay Lohan just sneezed on an 8-ball out there. Basically, if you can see two inches in front of you, get your ass to school and learn some french!
– If you don’t have at least two feet of snow in your driveway in the morning then school’s on, bitches.
– If the majority of every road is an ice rink, then school’s on. Ice skate your ass to school, pussy.
-Are there polar bears roaming the streets? No matter. Ride one to class! But if you see Sasquatch, get the hell inside.
-Let’s say you walk outside and immediately seize up into a human icicle. That doesn’t mean you won’t thaw out after your mommy drags you to homeroom. Get moving.
-Your local liquor store must write you a typed long-form note explaining that they are out of Hot 100. That is one of very few viable excuses you can use to stay home.
-There is a Three Stooges marathon on cable.
-You are 99% completion on Grand Theft Auto. Understandable that you need that final mission badly.
-Your home is literally made of dirt and you bathe in a hollowed-out bison skull and burn buffalo chips for heat.
In a nutshell, if the National Guard isn’t called in, your ass is going to school in the Fargo-Moorhead area.
