Tag Archives: fargo

Fargo American Idol Audition Winner Lied About Age

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Lamina Ceroid. Wowed the crowd, loud and proud.

Fargo, ND – Auditions for the hit game show American Idol took a pit stop in Fargo today with much ado. Both young and old, women and men from parts known and unknown came forth to profess their talents to a small array of judges, expecting to change their careers and lives for the better.

The minimum age limit is 15. The maximum age limit is 28. But, to competitor Lamina Ceroid age ain’t nothin but a number and her effort has no limit. A what was purported 28-year-old Montana resident stormed the Idol stage at Marriot in Fargo this morning around 10:47 to give what was (regarded by many) a heartfelt rendition of Culture Club’s hit single Do You Really Want To Hurt Me. Man, did she slay! 

Judges were so overtaken by Lamina’s performance that they pronounced her the winner on the spot. However, there is a but. But, Lamina Ceroid might have gently lied about her identity. In fact, she lied completely about her age. The self-glossed 28-year-old is actually a 67-year-old female from Malibu whose actual name has been withheld to protect the innocent.

Not so ironically, all letters in the name Lamina Ceroid can be re-arranged to spell AMERICAN IDOL. Coincidence? We think not.

President Trump To Vacation In Fargo

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President Trump loves Fargo!

Washington, DC – President Trump has announced that he and his first family will be vacationing in Fargo, North Dakota sometime in the near future, but is giving few details about the presidential trip.

The President has also indicated that his vacations will shift from a time-based approach to one based on conditions, such as: 1. Are we having a good time, or 2. Is Fargo now a functional democracy?

Unlike previous presidents, President Trump is not giving out any arrival date or hasty departure date in order to keep everyone on their toes, or high heels in Melania’s case.

“I will not say when we are going to vacation in Fargo, but vacation in Fargo we will,” Trump said.

Also, President Trump is acting more like a CEO than a president by authorizing his team members to make decisions on their own, such as: 1. Where shall we eat, or 2. How about if we go see a movie at the Fargo Theater?

Protestants are expected to show up when President Trump attends a church service at a local Protestant church.

Fargo Bocce Ball Tournament To Raise Money For Its Organizers

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Who will be Fargo’s Bocce Ball Champ?

Fargo, ND – A city-wide bocce ball tournament will be held as a fund raiser for the personal gain of its organizers.

With an entrance fee of only $50, the tournament could raise approximately $6.5 million if enough people sign up to fill the single-elimination tournament’s giant bracket of 131,072 contestants.

After eight rounds of highly competitive bocce ball, the surviving 512 players will battle it out for another eight rounds, to get down to the final two contestants.

After 17 total rounds of bocce ball games (each to 16 points), a Fargo Bocce Ball Champion will be crowned.

Prizes, if any, have not yet been determined. First prize could possibly be a trip to Grand Forks (no expenses paid). Second prize could possibly be two trips to Grand Forks (no expenses paid), and so on, and so forth.

New FM Area Golf Course To Cross Interstate Highway

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Golf Pro Wade Lancer does not see playing golf over Interstate-94 as a big problem.

Fargo, ND – In an effort to keep up with a growing demand for golf courses in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, Urban Golf Association Partners (UGAP) is opening its newest challenge along Interstate 94.

It is called Fargo Diversions and its catchy slogan is: “We put the PAR in Party!” This unique golf course will have players actually shooting over I-94 in multiple places.

Its designers have added five extra holes so that par for the course is 94 shots in honor of the Interstate Highway 94.

“This 23 hole golf course will possibly be the location for the 2026 US Open Golf Tournament if things proceed as we have foreseen them,” says golf pro Wade Lancer who encourages you to please call the clubhouse and make your reservations to play Fargo’s newest and funnest golf course.

FM Observer: “But what about the cars? What about people playing golf across I-94? Doesn’t UGAP see this as a potential problem?”

Golf Pro Wade Lancer: “Well, we figure most FM area golfers are good enough to not hit a fracking car, and besides that, it’s not easy to hit a moving target so the golfers probably couldn’t hit a car or truck even if they were trying to.”

Gang Signs Causing Fights Between Rival Retirement Homes

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Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.

Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.

Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.

“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.

Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.

For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.

If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.

New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs

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The Magic Donut caters to druggies.

Fargo, ND – Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo.

The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind.

Jami Hendrix: “Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?”

She is calling her new biz simply The Magic Donut.

Ms. Hendrix: “We want to heighten people’s donut experience. We can do this with special music and lighting, cool interactivities, along with the general design and layout of the space.”

Besides having wonderful donuts at The Magic Donut, Jami is planning on having:

1. Jimi Hendrix music playing backwards.
2. Highly interactive donut areas.
3. Booths that keep changing shape, like Oprah.
4. Movies playing such as Trainspotting and Blow.

Question: What is the slogan of this new Magic Donut you may ask?
Answer: “Donut chew wanna donut?” and “We have very high standards!”

Man-On-The-Street Checking The ZeitGeist

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Checking the Zeitgeist out on the streets of Fargo, North Dakota

Fargo, ND – Our man Jay Hazer is back out on the streets of Fargo once again to check the Zeitgeist of what’s happening in the Fargo area and how real local folks are feeling these days.

Jay Hazer: Scuze me, how do you feel about the Zeitgeist?

Man #1: What the hell are you talking about? And get this fracking microphone out of my mouth before I clock you!

Jay Hazer: Hello, my name’s Jay Hazer. How’s the Zeitgeist…in your opinion?

Grandma #2: Oh, is that that new green car my son was wanting me to buy?

Jay Hazer: Zeitgeist! What do you think about its current state?

Cop #3: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you for your ID please.

Jay Hazer: Mind if I ask you your feelings on today’s Zeitgeist?

Priest #4: Well, they’re not good. God tells me that at this rate, we’re all going to hell.

Jay Hazer: Excuse me…Hi, I’m asking people about the Zeitgeist.

Child #5: My Hatchimal didn’t work right. Can you help me fix my Hatchimal?

Jay Hazer: Man-on-the-street here. Just wondering what you think about the Zeitgeist?

Zen Monk #6: The wind blows. A dog barks. Distance train heading for an explosive crash.

Fargo Witch Heading To Trial

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Fargo witchcraft trial headed to court.

Fargo, ND – Deirdre Cummings has been charged in Fargo District Court with three counts of witchcraft, bewitching, and witchery.

Ms. Cummings will soon be on trial for multiple counts of practicing her practice within Fargo city limits which is a fourth class felony under the state’s mandated uniformed citizenry code of ethics.

Her attorney asked Deirdre if she would like a change of venue, to which she replied: “Sure, I can change the venue! I’d be more than happy to change the venue!” which was quietly followed by an echoing evil laughter.

Moments later all the lights in the courtroom immediately changed from being light bulbs to burning candles held by cobwebbed bat-shaped gargoyled sconces.

Deirdre’s pet crow whom she formally addresses as Sheryl is believed to be Head Crow of the Fargo crow flock which is more commonly called “a murder”.

T’is believed that Deirdre Cummings and her pet crow Sheryl have power over all the crows in Fargo so beware anytime you see a crow and please report it to the Fargo Crow Patrol 25/8.

Potential jurors are being asked whether or not they believe in witchcraft. Any non-believers soon find themselves stuck up against the courtroom ceiling, not dissimilar to that unsettling scene in Nightmare on Elm Street.

FMObserver To Purchase City Of Fargo For Undisclosed Number Of Bitcoins

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FMO in talks to purchase City of Fargo

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is in consideration talks to purchase the entire City of Fargo.

Our top-notch negotiators have been assiduously working on securing a mutually beneficial deal with the City of Fargo.

Since it is so difficult to ascertain an accurate dollar value of the City of Fargo, an overall appraisal is trying to be calculated in bitcoins.

Once the bitcoin value has been determined and agreed upon, negotiations will then proceed until both parties see eye-to-eye and ceremonially shake hands.

After the FM Observer has taken over full ownership of Fargo, things will seamlessly move forward without any noticeable changes for those who live here except perhaps all the new signage indicating that Fargo, along with everyone and everything in it, will now be owned and operated by the FM Observer.

Jamba Joot To Headline Fargo Reggae Fest

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Dennis Brown: “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.”

Fargo, ND – This summer’s highly anticipated Fargo Reggae Fest is excitedly stoked to announce that Jamba Joot will be the headlining act at this year’s all-star event.

Jamba Joot has played at literally every Reggae Fest in the world except for the Fargo Reggae Fest, but luckily that will soon no longer be true.

Event organizer Marley Dreadstone says that along with main headliner Jamba Joot, the 2017 Fargo Reggae Fest will loudly and proudly also include the following world-class Reggae bands: Zero Zero, Silver Haze, Low Ride, Jah Mon, The Brownies, Fourth World, Papa Z, and Tropic Of Cancer.

Tickets for the Fargo Reggae Fest will be available wherever tickets are sold, or you can just buy them at the gate and then join in with the parti, mon!

Jah Jones says: “Ef yah wantah parti mon, dis is de way cool plais fah da Reggae moozeek!”