Tag Archives: children

South Park Being Used Extensively As Educational Tool For Pandemic Home Schooling

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Using South Park for home schooling is probably the best thing you can do for your children.

Yourtown, USA – With schools being closed for the foreseeable future, many parents are choosing to educate their home-schooled children by having them watch South Park.

“Used as an educational tool, South Park checks all the boxes, plus kids love the lovable South Park characters,” says Dr. Yap Fortin who is a respected expert for using South Park as an educational tool for children being home-schooled.

FMO: To get a great education, how many hours per day should children watch South Park?

Dr. Fortin: The more the better. In fact, to binge South Park continuously would be my expert recommendation.

Ironically, all the letters in Yap Fortin can be re-arranged to spell: Profanity!

Weekly Listing Of Divorces In Cass County

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There are just as many reasons to get divorced as there are divorces.

Fargo, ND – It’s time once again to list the divorces going down in Cass County.

All of the following couples are uncoupling.

They have decided to part ways and go in different directions.

After some matrimonial restructuring, these former life partners will be relieved of their marital duties as they drop the terms “husband” and “wife” from their spousal relationships.

Here is this week’s listing of marriages that are being relocated to Splitsville:

Lori Aveline vs. Butch Barfneck
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: She didn’t take my last name.

Dorine Blavnok vs. Valim Blavnok
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Is Scientology a cult or religion?

Marta Blinkfire vs. Kolt Blinkfire
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Brussel Sprouts!

Jezza Borgwheezel vs. Olaph Borgwheezel
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Definition of “clean”.

Camelia Brandagamba vs. Vernius Brandagamba
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Impossible Impeachment Impasse.

Matilda Brockhouse vs. Cosimo Brockhouse
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: My spouse laughs too loudly.

Pamphila Brownlock vs. Jago Brownlock
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: My husband spends too much time in the basement.

Trixa Chertofski vs. Kinck Chertofski
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Weed gummy bears.

Robin Chubb vs. Xander Chubb
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: My spouse won’t come out of the closet.

Zelda Chunkfest vs. Lester Chunkfest
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Sense of humor differences.

Gringa Clayhanger vs. Niles Clayhanger
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: The juggling of our finances.

Starla DePhilpott vs. Gifford DePhilpott
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Who wears the pants in our family?

Camelia Diggle vs. Uffo Diggle
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Smartphone distraction.

Zoelle Ergerjoint vs. Knute Ergerjoint
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Poor grammar (past participles)

Herkna Fimvest vs. Dorknel Fimvest
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Control of the remote controls.

Bertha Flokmesker vs. Angstoid Flokmesker
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Is the FMObserver real fake news?

Gerda Galbassi vs. Bucca Galbassi
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Global Warming vs Climate Change.

Lalia Gawkroger vs. Sancho Gawkroger
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: My husband is losing his marbles!

Ingo Goldworthy vs. Bungo Goldworthy
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Quid pro snow.

Melila Headstrong vs. Eliot Headstrong
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Over-usage of our credit cards.

Lusha Inkshed vs. Joltan Inkshed
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Einstein’s theory of relatives.

Zhway Jongburg vs. Nyork Jongburg
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Different definition of decency.

Milava Konvalb vs. Bilavo Konvalb
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: The 5th Amendment.

Suzetta Lightfoot vs. Fulvus Lightfoot
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Multi-level furniture.

Thora McMolten vs. Judd McMolten
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Prayer breakfasts.

Moxie Nogbanks vs. Buster Nogbanks
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Turning our living room into a pistol range.

Psalm Olgschmacher vs. Wellington Olgschmacher
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Honda vs Hyundai.

Rhoda Puddifoot vs. Segol Puddifoot
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Selection of pizza toppings.

Astoria Quivelski vs. Cyprus Quivelski
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: She is possessed by the devil!

Dayja Rafferty vs. Conrad Rafferty
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Walls dividing every room.

Golden Rumble vs. Holman Rumble
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Number of condiments in the fridge.

Malva Sandyman vs. Filberto Sandyman
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: My spouse is colluding with the Russians.

Pandora Smallburrow vs. Togo Smallburrow
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Peanuts envy.

Cameo Stafko vs. Francois Stafko
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Usage of South Park for home schooling.

Juna Tafanofleroid vs. Zix Tafanofleroid
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Excessive flatulence.

Delvina Trumpiano vs. Rectan Trumpiano
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Different levels of hoarding.

Mariposa Twofoot vs. Milo Twofoot
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Difference between work and play.

Jessalyn Ugersmacker vs. Jax Ugersmacker
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: NFL Pickem choices.

Julla VanDruBoaix vs. Betan VanDruBoaix
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Who should walk the dog?

Elna Vanpiper vs. Wermbang Vanpiper
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Abuse of flower.

Merni Vlemeyer vs. Carvon Vlemeyer
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Severe halitosis.

Damarni Whempest vs. Jork Whempest
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Whether “memoji” is a valid scrabble word?

Bing Loo Xing vs. Bong Lee Xong
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Too much/too little makeup.

Jilian Yelpstern vs. Tonk Yelpstern
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Stacking beer cans.

Onesta Zaragamba vs. Haiduc Zaragamba
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Lack of respect for in-laws.

Anima Zorvdunkel vs. Guavchut Zorvdunkel
𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒: Making coffee.

This Man Doesn’t Remember Who He Is. Can You Help Identify Him?

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The only thing this man recalls is the word BINGO.

West Fargo, ND – A man came wandering into our FM Observer Corporate Office Park not remembering his name, if he’s married, where he works, where he lives, or the names of any family or friends.

When we asked the man where he had recently been, that too seemed to draw a complete blank.

He did say that the word “Bingo” vaguely was popping up in his mind but was not sure if that’s in reference to the game or possibly a dog.

Perhaps this is a case of stolen identity or a bump on the head, or this man simply got out of the wrong side of his bed…after a super confusing dream.

Most of us have experienced a short period of temporary amnesia which maybe lasts for just a few seconds, and perhaps this man’s amnesia will naturally fade away.

If you happen to know this man, or know anything about him, please pass that information along so that we can hopefully help solve The Case Of The Unknown Man.

New School For Gifted Children Requires Quantitative Proof That A Child Is Gifted

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Honeybrook School For The Gifted

West Fargo, ND – The “city on the grow” will soon be adding a brand new state-of-the-art school just for gifted children.

Honeybrook School will be the best school in the country for children of all ages who are deemed to be gifted.

Applicants will be rigorously tested and interviewed to determine which get admitted to Honeybrook School For The Gifted.

Based on their age, each applicant to Honeybrook will be tested and given a score of 1-10 in 25 different categories with the highest possible score being 250.

Here are the 25 categories an applicant will be scored in: ability to follow directions, abstract reasoning, activity level, alertness, attention span, concentration, creativity, critical thinking skills, curiosity, energy level, frustration level, imagination, interests, inventiveness, language, learning speed, memory, observation, problem-solving skills, processing of information, reactions to noise, reading, retention, sense of humor, and vocabulary.

Any child with a test score of 200+ will qualify to attend Honeybrook School For The Gifted.

In case you’re wondering, the team name at this school for the gifted is the Honeybrook Gifs (pronounced Jifs).

President Trump Made A ‘Kid Pro Quo’ Deal With Ukraine For A Children Exchange Program

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Presidents Trump and Zelensky making a deal to secretly exchange children between their two countries.

Kyiv, Ukraine – In a stunning new development which is further fueling the inexorable impeachment inquiry, whistle blowers are blowing their whistles over a Kid Pro Quo deal that President Trump secretly made with Lord Voldemort Zelensky of Ukraine.

Apparently the deal included secret plans for the United States to set up a children exchange program with Ukraine.

It is not clear at this juncture whether or not any children have already been exchanged between the two countries.

Democrats believe that if this Kid Pro Quo is proven to be true during their live televised hearings, then they should have enough support and momentum to impeach President Donald Trump prior to the upcoming 2020 elections.

In the meantime, if you are a child who was exchanged between the United States and Ukraine, please call the Kid Pro Quo hotline to talk with a highly trained federal counselor who will secretly walk you through your options.

Democrats Considering Lowering Voting Age To Ten While Offering Them Free Candy

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Top Dems luring children with candy.

Washington, DC – Nervous Democrats needing a win in the next presidential election are pushing to lower the voting age to ten while offering children free candy and recreational marijuana.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi believes it’s really important to capture kids when they’re in grade skool, before they know much about politix, and when they can still be easily swayed for whom to vote.

Senator Chuck Schumer concurs that rather than lowering the voting age to sixteen, lowering it to ten, along with offering free college, free candy, free pot, and free Doritos to anyone who doesn’t vote for the Republicans would be a boon to the Democrat voting base.

Both Pelosi and Schumer agree that their For The Children Act (H.R.1) is “really important” because we need to drastically change election laws before the next presidential election in order to prevent four more years of never-ending Trump investigations.

New Game Show On Fox Called “Find Your Parents” To Be Hosted By Roseanne Barr

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¿Eres mi mamá? ¿Eres mi papá?

Brownsville, TX – The Fox Channel believes it has a new hit game show called “Find Your Parents”.

Immigrant children who have recently been separated from their parent(s) while illegally crossing the southern U.S. border will have a chance to be reunited with their families in a fun game show setting.

The inimitable Roseanne Barr has agreed to host the show on Fox after her previous show on ABC got cancelled in the wake of her alleged rant of racist tweets on Twitter.

Roseanne: “Yeah, not only will I have a job again, but I can also help these little niños from Mexico find their mommies and daddies now that President Trump has allowed these families to get back together. So, this is going to be really great!”

Kids Warned Against Playing Outside During Nice Summer Months

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Don’t let your kids play outside because it’s probably the worst thing they can do.

Fair Play, TX – The American Safety Society is warning parents to warn their children to not play outside this summer.

“Inside the house is where you should play, for sure at night and also during the day,” raps Dr. Daisy Eplin, who currently presides over the American Safety Society.

Dr. Eplin goes on: “Research shows that going outside to play, on a beautiful summery day, is tantamount to eating sugary snacks, while sitting on railroad tracks.”

According to American Safety Society documentation, the many benefits of keeping your kids indoors include: higher IQ, increased tech savviness, fewer broken bones, less chance of bug bites and getting kidnapped, less bullying, improved self esteem, and better social networking skills.

Ironically, all the letters in Daisy Eplin can safely be re-arranged to spell: Play Inside!

Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry

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Rather than learning how not to fear one ought rather learn what to fear.

“Rather than learning how not to fear, one ought rather learn what to fear.”

Fargo, ND – As a public service announcement, consider yourself now informed that author Stephen King will be reading scary books to children every day all next month at the Fargo Public Liberry. Times for the sessions will be quite random just to keep listeners off balance and on their toes.

Author King recently unveiled a new line of scary books called The Fear Factory written just for children from ages 6 to 666.

Some have called Stephen King “the king of phobia creators” but he sees it a bit differently. “My books simply magnify pre-existing phobias. Rather than running from or even trying to face your fears, one should learn what to fear and how to survive it.”

Here are some of the wonderful book titles from Stephen King’s new Fear Factory that he will be reading to children at the Fargo Public Liberry:

Who Is Under My Bed?
Axe Me A Question
Where Is Daddy Going?
The Doorbell Sounds Weird
Why Is The Floor All Red?
Please Let Me Out Now
What’s In The Basement?
Grandpa Looks Blue
What’s For Supper?

New Fargo Children’s Daycare Called Spookhouse

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Spookhouse to provide Care & Scare

Fargo, ND – A new theme park-style daycare service will soon be opening in Fargo.

Spookhouse Daycare will provide excellently creepy care for today’s modern youth.

Everything about Spookhouse Daycare will have a very scary edge to it.

Eerie music and bloodcurdling sounds will be continuously piped in.

Feral black cats will roam the haunted premises.

Dimly-lit bathrooms will have special blacklight 3-D goblins jumping out of nowhere.

Staff workers will dress up like graveyard ghouls and read classic ghost stories to the children at the bottom of every hour.

Spookhouse director Egore Hunchback says: “It’s going to be terrifyingly awesome!”

Other daycare themes soon to be available from the Kids-R-Us Corporation: Bootcamp, Octogon, Transgender, Waterworld, Prison, and The Moon.