Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Fargo Man Arrested For Leaving Dog Outside Too Long

Shih Tzu puppy named Pixy is the latest casualty in the War On Global Cooling.

Fargo, ND – The good news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez got a cute little new Shih Tzu puppy for his family as a Christmas present.

The bad news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez forgot that their new little Pixy was tied up outside while Dorf got lost playing his new video games.

When his wife finally asked “Hay, where the hell is Pixy?”, Mr. Dorf Gonez went outside to find their new Shih Tzu puppy all frozen up like an ice cube tray in a freezer set to the coldest possible setting.

The Fargo Criminal Canine Task Force showed up shortly after that to arrest Mr. Dorf Gonez for gross aggravated negligence.

Sadly, all the letters in Dorf Gonez can be coldly re-arranged to spell: Frozen Dog!

Top Ten Questions To Ask Family, In-Laws, and Relatives During Christmas

To make church signs like this, use the link at the bottom of this post.

West Fargo, ND During your family getogethers with in-laws, relatives, and other extended family members, it is not only a good time to share handshakes and hugs in order to pass your cold and flu germs on to others, but it is also a perfect opportunity to throw out a few key questions to your Christmas group in order to check the general Zeitgeist of where everyone’s at regarding some of the current issues from the past few months.

Even tho your FM Observers are busy, out doing some last minute shopping at Happy Harry, we’ve taken the time to compile an easy-to-use list of questions to randomly throw out during times when the Christmastime conversations may hit a lull.

Top Ten Questions To Ask During Christmas:

10. What’s the latest on the Russian Collusion?
9. How many My Pillows do you have?
8. Have you ever heard of the FM Observer?
7. Are you for Global Warming or Global Cooling?
6. Whatever happened to Anthony’s Weiner?
5. How do you feel about the Red River Diversion project?
4. Do you think Carson Wentz will marry Cara Mund?
3. Did you hear who’s the latest guy accused of groping?
2. Can I have your pudding?
1. Isn’t President Trump doing a great job?!

Church Sign Generator

Winter Holiday Greetings From Your FM Observer

For all you Protestants, protest signs like this can be made at Acme dot com slash Chumaker

Southern North Pole – Since saying Merry Christmas is possibly offensive to some, we here at the FM Observer Headquarters want to wish all our faithful readers very warm Winter Holiday greetings, to hopefully help counteract the recent Global Cooling which seems to have overtaken our area thanks to carbon-taxing Algore.

The FM Observer was boldly begun about six years ago by co-founders Cody and Nick, who simply wanted to provide an alternative to all the bad, real news. Cody is sadly no longer with us. Nick is related to Jolly Old St. Nick, who happens to be our Nick’s God-Santa.

After six long years of being at the vanguard of exclusively satirical fake news, we have unfortunately (for some) decided to renew our contract for another six years.

So, for any folks who wished we would just go away like Al Franken is from the Senate…no, we are here to stay – just like Robert Mueller’s never-ending special investigation into possible collusion with the Russians.

Acme.com/Chumaker

Moorhead Man Who Claims To Be The Real Santa Detained For Questioning

There is a real Santa, and he’s being detained for questioning in Moorhead until after Christmas.

Moorhead, MN – Authorities in the quirky town of Moorhead have detained a man claiming to be the real Santa.

Investigators have a plan to hold the Santa Man until after Christmas to prove that either he is an impostor, or that he is indeed the real Santa, in which case millions of children throughout the world will not receive any presents for Christmas.

In the meantime, the Santa Man has requested some eggnog and cookies to help keep his spirits up, and some hay and salt blocks for his team of nine reindeer.

If you and your children would like to come and visit the Santa Man in jail to request presents for Christmas and possibly pet Rudolph and his friends in a temporary petting zoo, simply contact the Moorhead authorities who are detaining the real Santa and who are possibly going to ruin Christmas for everyone on Santa’s Nice List. 

Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo

Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.

Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.

Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”

Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.

Mall Santa Resigns After Multiple Accusations Of Groping

Santa is asking his attorney: “Since when did groping become so politically incorrect?” Santa’s also wondering: “Why doesn’t anyone want to come near me?”

Fargo, ND – One of the real fake Santas at a well-known local Fargo shopping mall has resigned amid numerous accusations of groping any women within a “reasonable groping distance”.

Some disgusted mothers and dejected helper-elves have filed complaints to the North Pole that Santa has been groping some of these adult women during official mall photos, and even during some of Santa’s own selfies and elfies.

Renta Santa, the company from whence the mall allegedly hired this Santa, has denied any legal culpability but did say that this particular Santa had once been a Minnesota state senator who had left the arena of politics due to some “inappropriate sexual behavior”.

A linguistics expert that we consulted with said that the term “Mall” will soon no longer be politically correct because it is homonymistically so very similar to the word “Maul”.

Winter Snow Predictions Now Called ‘Flake News’

Big Foot seen here walking streets of Fargo during recent blizzard.

Fargo, ND – National weather experts will now be referring to any and all snowfall predictions in the future as Flake News in order to keep up with the changing times and tweets.

The most recent example of Flake News for our particular area is that a half a foot (known as a SmallFoot, as opposed to BigFoot) of snow, accompanied by near-hurricane force winds, has been ordered by Algore to hit North Dakota to help keep out the Riff-Raff here.

Consider the FM Observer your Flake News headquarters as we have many meteorologists on our growing staff that not only like to study meteors but also love predicting snowfall forecasts especially when it comes in the form of horizontally-blowing blizzard snowflakes.

We here at the FM Observer would also like to encourage our readers to be proactive and get outside to do some Pre-Shoveling ahead of any major Flake News.

West Fargo Adding Seven New Robo-Cops To Its Police Force

Expect to soon start seeing Robo-Cops like this bad boy in your neighborhood.

West Fargo, ND – To keep up with a growing demand for police presence, West Fargo has gotten the OK to add seven new Robo-Cops to its department.

Analysis of a recent survey showed that the City-On-The-Grow actually needed nine new officers but West Fargo’s Police Chief believes that seven new Robo-Cops should take care of their need to reshape the department in the right direction for the city’s future.

Even though each new Robo-Cop costs about $150-thousand dollars, a generous grant from the justice department will help with that cost.

The Robo-Cop Corporation points out that Robo-Cops can work one continuous 160-hour shift each week, needing only 8 hours for maintenance and to recharge.

West Fargo’s Police Chief also adds that these new Robo-Cops don’t have to be paid like their human counterparts, but he quickly added: “But don’t tell them that!”

Al Franken Dedicates New Center For Groping

Al Franken’s Center For Groping will be a place where he can do his work.

St. Paul, MN – Yesterday Senator Al Franken proudly dedicated his new Center For Groping, which is conveniently located near the Minnesota State Fair grounds.

At the dedication ceremony, when asked about all the recent groping accusations, Senator Franken cleverly said: “Well, once a comedian, always a comedian. Hey, I was just joking around and having a little fun!”

The alleged groper went on to sincerely apologize to all the women that he has not yet groped, which was a nice segue into the official dedication ceremony for his new Center For Groping.

One Franken fan noted that since Senator Al Franken was a wrestler in high school at The Blake School, he has essentially gone from being a grappler to a groper.

Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away

Minnesota scientists have calculated that the Year 2100 will occur in about 82 years.

St. Paul, MN – A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100.

Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future.

The Minnesota study was funded by a GoFundMe account which was created by Doctor Odem Fung who headed up this amazing study.

Dr. Fung in his own words: “Yes, we raised about $687 million via GoFundMe for this impotent study of which I am in charge.”

“We believe the results of the study will help Earthlings prepare for future concerns such as Global Cooling, the National Debt, Zika Virus, Male Gropers, and the Second Coming of Christ.”

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Fung can be re-arranged to spell: Go Fund Me!