FMO’s Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season

Leave a reply

Ho Ho Holidays! Enjoy our list of fun things to do with those who love you.

North Pole, ND – We are very proud to present FMO’s award-winning list of fun, helpful, creative, and productive things to do during the sometimes-stressful Christmas holiday season.

When the days are short and the nights are long, tis fun to play a game or perhaps sing a song.

Each of the following ideas of fun things to do during The Holidaze is a clickable hyperlink in case you want more information on that subject.

Items on this award-winning and comprehensive list are presented in no particular order and are a 100% free service to our beloved readers, at no charge to you (other than the normal monthly “Zuckerberg” service fee that we already automatically take out of your FMO account).

Buy some Hatchimals for a fun Christmas surprise.
Decorate by wrapping framed pictures.
Bake home-made cookies to use as real money.
Play the new hit game called Add-On Swear Word.
Have an eggnog drinking contest.
Start working on your New Years Resolutions!
Light a special candle for World Peace.
Take time to review your own personal Bucket List.
Write your own wrap song and wrap it to a steady beat.
Get outdoors by playing some winter paintball.
Write and send a letter to Santa.
Learn how to make a quilt.
Engage in some kangaroo boxing.
Take the family to McDonald’s to try their two newest sandwiches.
Get out and take in some local singing groups.
Order a drone-delivered pizza.
Take the entire family to go bowling!
Check out Moorhead’s famous haunted house.
Attend an alternative church service.
Play the bean bag toss game indoors.
Take in one of the many free church organ concerts.
Go downhill skiing at Detroit Mountain.
Check out the UFOs in the Sabin area.
Go get a free burger during the midnight hour.
Check out the new animals at the local zoo.
Attend the Parade of Hoarder Homes.
Read “Toxic Santa’s Revenge” out-loud to your whole family.
Sign up for FMO’s world tour.
Order Heineken delivered directly to your front door.
Win a free robot!
Consider joining PolyPax and turn your life around.
Join a community bongo band.
Take your loved ones out for all-you-can-eat pancakes.
Take a ride with Uber Jet.
Host your own Bitch Fest 3000 event!
Check yourself. Take our Sanity Test.
Visit a real upside-down house!
Try mushroom therapy with your pets.
Make sure all your shots are up-to-date.
Avoid a possible DUI by riding on the free Party Bus.
Learn how to play banjo from the best.
Make some easy money by starting a Cricket Farm.
Practice up for Fargo’s new Ping Pong teams.
Have fabulous family fun at Fargo’s new theme park.
Write some 5-7-5 syllable Haiku poems.
Gather money from penny trays for the homeless.
Take an indoor golf lesson from our pro Wade Lancer.
Try an new downtown restaurant which we recently reviewed for you.
Get a family photo professionally taken in downtown Moorhead.
Suggest the idea of having your very own snack-a-thon.
Help police look for the person who stole the Roger Maris memorabilia.
Request a free beer at any participating establishment.
Enjoy listening to The Rolling Stones new CD: Sympathy For Dementia
Gather round and play the new game: What Is A Leppo?
Visit the public library and listen to the visiting Stephen King read a book.
Visit our FMO headquarters for a Meet-and-Greet with Carson Wentz.
Check out all the classes offered at the area’s new Meta-University.
Go play Whack-A-Mole!
Win free tickets here to see Norway’s version of Madonna!
Check out upcoming destinations of the Gawk Tour Bus.
Send this free online Christmas card to anyone with whom you share love.

Shoe Tossing The Work Of Ancient Satanic Evil Says Area Man

Leave a reply

Clear sign of eternal damnation

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, says one Fargo man. What he means is where there’s shoe tossing, there is an unabated malevolence permeating the souls of area teens.

The presence of shoes dangling from power lines has nothing to do with drugs, gangs, or kids just funnin around. No, sir, there’s far more to it than that, according to unofficial FMO Correspondent and respected area elder Skint Boobidoo, III.

Skint Boobidoo, III

“Think about this. It is ten below out. A child removes his shoes, ties them together then hurls them into the sky until they hang from the lines for any silly reason? Ha ha, no. He was subconsciously coerced by the once baneful servants of Lucifer to mark the very spot where ritual blood sacrifice occurred hundreds of years prior,” declares Boobidoo.

Although residents have voiced concern over this, Boobidoo insists there is no need for panic over haphazardly strewn footwear. The wrath of these tarnished souls is kept at bay. “Their pagan magic cannot be conjured by Converse.”

He reminds parents to check their children’s bedrooms frequently during the night. If your child is out sleepwalking with shoes in hand instead of on foot, he or she could get frostbitten or communicate with the dead.

Area Man’s Unhealthy Obsession With Celebrity Revealed In Cryptic Letter

Leave a reply

Discarded pamphlet of longing stokes a blazing fire of mystery.

Fargo, ND – The ever-observant FMO staff acquired an intriguing bit of loot during a recent dog walk. “What is it, boy? What do you got there? No, leave it, it’s trash.”

However, it was clear that this was no ordinary hunk of rubbish. The dog kept at it until it would be retrieved. He wouldn’t let it go. So, the crumpled-up paper was plucked from the snowy gutter.

The smeared contents of this cast-off message were hardly legible but with help from the FMO Forensics Division this proclamation of fondness was successfully deciphered. Behold:

Dearest RW,

A spoon. A tool to use for indulging in the sweet, creamy goodness of ice cream. But Hollywood doesn’t use you — they cherish you. Did you know your name was used as a Wheel Of Fortune answer? It’s plain to see how revered you are in popular culture. Oh, Reese! My nickname for you is

Has a nose for infatuation

but it stops there before it was presumably crumpled up and tossed away. What did the author’s rough draft mean to convey? Obvious clues point to who it might have been addressed, but perhaps we’ll never know its true purpose.

It should be noted that every ‘i’ was dotted with a heart.

Any guesses at what the author’s nickname is for their obsession are welcome in the comments section. All submissions will be hastily forwarded on to the FMO Forensics Division for further analysis.

Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?

Leave a reply

World leaders and scientists get together for climate change summits all the time. They discuss the ongoing threat of global warming and what to do about it. Tireless research findings and factual statistics are batted around like they’re the shuttlecock in a World Badminton Tournament. But every year, they enact a different narrative.

This year, another embarrassing u-turn for climate “scientists”. First they said 2015 was the hottest year on record. Now they’re saying it’s 2016! These researcher knuckleheads really need to get their facts straight on global warming. Are the polar ice caps melting or not, or what? Is Al Gore on to something or is he on something?

Did we lose a half foot of precious Florida beach sand in the last decade? If we did, bummer! Plenty of sand still there. Last I heard, none of the beaches along our coasts have closed due to lack of sand space nor do they plan to. In fact, the warmer it gets, the more fun the beach is! That’s what Big Climate doesn’t want you to realize. They want you to completely disregard the benefits of record-breaking hot temps and rising tides.

To expect us to listen to their political posturing and misinformation during this wave of sub-zero temperatures is rather insulting. Al Gore should wait with his next Inconvenient Truther documentary until winter starts being just a tad more comfortable. Until my dog can stand in the backyard for longer than 2 minutes in December without getting frostbite. Until China stops devaluing its currency. Game of Thrones fans know: Winter is coming. And it always will.

After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled

Leave a reply

After a great run and then a hugely painful loss, NDSU football program to be replaced with Jai Alai.

Fargodome, ND – Some thought the dream would just go on forever.

People had already purchased tickets to Frisco, Texas to cheer on the NDSU Bison football team to win their sixth straight national championship, and that this trend would simply continue ad infinitum.

However, the brakes got abruptly slammed on after an extremely painful spanking by James Madison University.

Many are now thinking this would be the perfect time to repeal and replace the football program with something “more in tune with the times”.

Bobo Fontillas, president of Jai Alai America, believes that NDSU should bring the incredibly popular and fast-paced sport of Jai Alai to NDSU.

“Jai Alai, which is sometimes affectionately called Zesta Punta, would work very nicely in the Fargodome, especially now that the football ‘thing’ has reached an obvious nadir,” explains Bobo Fontillas.

How do you feel about the NDSU Bison Football program being repealed and replaced with Jai Alai? Are you ready to stop punting a football and start watching some exciting Zesta Punta?

Ironically, all of the letters in Bobo Fontillas can be re-arranged to spell: Bison Football!

Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano

Leave a reply

A man was found living inside this piano in a Fargo apartment.

Fargo, ND – Unbeknownst to the residents of a Fargo apartment, a man was found living inside their upright piano.

Needless to say, the residents are “kind of freaking out” about the whole situation, say police investigators who are working this bizarre case.

“Now, in retrospect, this might explain why some of the notes didn’t work so good when we were doing some sing-alongs at Christmastime,” ponders Mrs. Anonymous who was willing to speak “on the record” if able to maintain her total anonymity and privacy.

Mrs. Evelina Volšek of 12320 Camden Place in North Fargo is now looking for another piano which hopefully does not have a strange man living inside of it.

If you know of a free, uninhabited piano which could be donated to Mrs. Evelina Volšek of 12320 Camden Place in North Fargo, please contact her directly, day or night, but please remember to respect her privacy as she wishes to remain totally anonymous.

An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend

Leave a reply

Merry Christmas to whomever you are!

As we gather round the Christmas tree,
Which was chopped and flocked for you and me,
We nibble on some scones and sip Chablis,
While outside it’s a dangerous one degree.

All the nicely wrapped presents that we see,
Are a result of that black friday shopping spree.
Why get one when you can afford to buy three,
Of those red candles scented with potpourri?

Christmas is a fun time of family glee,
Enhanced on Facebook with hyperbole.
Rather than giving each person a new CD,
Tis way more awesome to get a real pony!

One might suggest getting some activity,
Perhaps head out and go cross country ski.
But most would likely have to agree,
They’d rather watch football on NBC.

Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway

Leave a reply

When in Norway, have fun speaking some Norwegian!

Oslo, Norway – It seems like everyone is travelling to Norway these days.

Perhaps this is the reason why the FM Observer has been repeatedly asked to provide a quick tutorial on speaking Norwegian, which is the language of the people that live there!

Since we never disappoint, here are fifteen (15) key phrases we strongly suggest that you memorize prior to landing in Oslo (it really helps to make flashcards before boarding your flight):

Where is the beer? = der er øl?
My mother will fight your father = min mor vil kjempe din far
What time is it on the moon? = hva er klokka på månen?
I would like to apply for an easy job = Jeg ønsker å søke om en enkel jobb
What colors can I wear here? = hvilke farger kan jeg bruke her?
I like when you rub my back = Jeg liker når du gni ryggen min
Could you bring me to your leader? = kan du gi meg din leder?
Back home, people treat me like a king = hjem, folk behandler meg som en konge
Could you please not stand so close to me? = Kan du ikke stå så nær meg?
I have a good recipe for making biscuits = Jeg har en god oppskrift for å lage kjeks
Why is your family so short? = hvorfor er din familie så kort?
My daughter wants to meet your son = min datter ønsker å møte din sønn
Can you buy me a car for my birthday? = kan du kjøpe meg en bil til bursdagen min?
I need to find some mayonnaise very quickly = Jeg trenger å finne noen majones svært raskt
Do you have a telescope in your bedroom? = har du et teleskop på soverommet?

BigFoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead

Leave a reply
This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer just outside of Moorhead.

This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer named Darko Revkian just outside the quirky town of Moorhead, Minisoda.

Moorhead, MN – One of our trained spotters who was out doing some bird watching recently got what is believed to be the best picture ever of The BigFoot.

Darko Revkian and his camera were in search of a pileated woodpecker’s nest when he noticed a large creature walking towards an outhouse.

Darko: “All my photography training immediately kicked in and I somehow took a perfect picture of what now is believed to be the actual BigFoot.”

BigFoot experts think that the beast might be en route to Canada in the wake of Donald Trump’s successful bid for the White House.

In the meantime, Moorhead authorities are telling residents to shelter in place until the “All Clear” notification is given that The BigFoot is no longer wandering around the area.

Eggnog Support Groups Now Forming For The Holiday Season

Leave a reply
caption hier

“Many people have an uncontrollable craving for Eggnog.” –Pastor Gregg Donkin

Fargo, ND – A new support group is now forming in the Fargo-Moorhead area for people who are Eggnogaholics.

These are local folks living amongst us who cannot control their desire and lust for the holiday drink we call “Eggnog”.

If you are one of these locals who load up on and then uncontrollably glug the nog by your Christmas tree, then you know exactly of what we speaketh.

For those non-Eggnog cravers, addiction to the holiday nogdrink can be as strong and powerful as being addicted to nicotine, smartphone thumbing, and watching CNN.

Pastor Gregg Donkin is the leader of the new Eggnog Support Group: “Please come and join us if drinking Eggnog is your main weakness. We will be serving free Eggnog to anyone who would like to attend our meetings but who simply cannot go one hour without Eggnog while discussing it with others who share your nogmania.”

Ironically, all the letters in “Gregg Donkin” can be re-arranged to spell: Drink Eggnog!