Tag Archives: beer

FM Observer’s Reader’s New Year’s Resolutions

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Nunc Coepi = Now I Begin

West Fargo, ND – We recently met face-to-face with some of our faithful readers at a local alcoholic establishment to compile a list of all their top New Year resolutions.

So, in case you have not made your New Year’s resolutions yet, or just need some more good ideas, here are the FM Observer’s reader’s Top Ten list of New Year’s resolutions for the new year for you:

◙ Change all passwords to extremely long ones.
◙ Finish Christmas shopping by 4th of July.
◙ Continue to volunteer at soup kitchens.
◙ Dye hair silver to get more respect.
◙ Purge all Minnesota Vikings stuff.
◙ Start exercising in February.
◙ Join a Ping Pong league.
◙ Start clipping coupons.
◙ Get a smarter phone.
◙ Take more napsters.
◙ Drink more beer.
◙ Fight for peace.
◙ Gain 16 pounds.

UFO Sightings Over Ireland Shortly After Release Of New ‘Guinness Plus’ Beer

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Guinness Plus: All the flavor and twice the punch!

Dublin, Ireland – You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland.

You might not’ve known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus!

Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the body and flavor of regular Guinness bier but packs a double–punch of enjoyment when it reaches your nervous system.

FMO: What was the impetus for creating your new Guinness Plus bier?

Paul: We wanted to be listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the strongest beer in both the flavor and alcohol content categories.

Guinness Plus does now come with a disclaimer on each bottle: Warning…May cause UFOs to appear!

A Brief History Of Colorado

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All roads lead to Coopersmith’s!

Fort Collins, CO – One of the first settlers to the Colorado area was Dr. Cooper Smith. In fact, he named the state after his horse whose name was Colorado.

Having been interested in brewing beer since he was a young boy, Dr. Cooper Smith later worked as a bartender at the Zanzi-Bar while working in the Peace Corps. Becoming fluent in Swahili, Cooper learned how to brew beer from some of the local Kenyan experts.

Using this knowledge, Dr. Smith opened his own brew pub after building a fort around the town of Collins. To this day, Coopersmith’s is one of the finest brew pubs in the entire country, making all its own beers, each according to the original recipes written in Swahili. If you want to order a large beer, just ask for a Hickenlooper.

Since Dr. Smith was best friends with the legendary pool player Willie Mosconi, Coopersmith’s brought in the finest pool tables in the world, along with one ping pong table (since he was a cardiologist).

Ironically, all the letters in “Coopersmith’s” can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Smooth Prices! (Happy Hour is Monday-Friday from 3-6).

Q&A: In some of the beer names at Coopersmith’s, what does “Sigda” signify? Great question! Sigda stands for: Special Interest Group Drinking Ale :o)

Link to Coopersmith’s website.

Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation

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Lake fermentation is one of the early signs of a bigger problem: Global Fermentation.

Vergas, MN – Trained experts from Minnesota’s department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation.

Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global Fermentation.

Dr. Fenton in his own fermented words: “The lakes where we are seeing fermentation are usually related to where there are a lot of people living or camping such as Beers Lake near Maplewood State Park.”

A few other lakes on the fermentation list are: Whiskey Lake, Scotch Lake, Bootleg Lake, and also Highlife Lake.

If you think your lake is starting to ferment, please call the Minnesota DNR at your earliest convenience so that trained experts can come out and sip samples of your lake water.

Ironically, all of the letters in Martie Fenton can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fermentation!

Downtown Fargo Adding Another Bar In An Attempt To Increase Crime And Number Of Drunks

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Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.

Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.

Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.

“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.

Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.

Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

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The new F-M Curling Club was the deciding factor to have the next Winter Olympic Games in Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games.

When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried.

It turns out that in Fargo, the I.O.C. found everything it was looking for in a Winter Games host city.

From their official announcement statement: “Fargo, North Dakota is a paragon-perfect poster-child place that can host the next Winter Games cost-effectively, logically, efficiently, and safely. Plus, Fargo has a lot of fine restaurants and places to drink mass quantities of bier.”

One insider leaked that Fargo’s new, state-of-the-art Curling Club was one of the main reasons Fargo was chosen to host the next Winter Olympix, since curling has now become the #1 favorite spectator event of The Winter Games.

During this leak, the leaker also mentioned that the only real thing Fargo will have to do to prepare for The Games is create some good-sized mountains, possibly from all the dirt that will soon be excavated for the Red River Diversion.

PHI Eagles Fans Kindly Asked To Wear Purple (Instead Of Green) To Super Bowl

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As a sign of friendship, some Minneapolis bars are offering Philadelphia Eagles fans a free beer.

Minneapolis, MN – Vikings fans are kindly asking Philadelphia Eagles fans to wear purple when attending Super Bowl 52 in the Minnesota Viking’s brand new stadium.

Members of the Vikings Fans Safety Committee all agree that to ensure the safety of Philadelphia Eagles fans while entering and exiting the Vikings Stadium, they should not be wearing any green.

The VFSC stated: “To atone for their sin of mistreating Vikings fans while attending the playoff game in Philadelphia, and to show they are sorry for what they did, and that they regret their stupid, misguided actions, we Vikings fans are willing to extend an olive branch in the name of safety, and allow for safe passage of Eagles fans while in Minnesota, as long as they wear Vikings purple instead of Eagles green.”

Cat Racing Coming To Fargo

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Come see the cat races in Fargo while drinking some beer and winning some money!

Fargo, ND – The exciting sport of Cat Racing will soon be coming to Fargo!

“Have some fun while betting on your favorite cat and get drunk at the same time. It just doesn’t get any better than that,” says Carcia Fortgang who is the executive director of the Fargo Cat Race Corporation.

Cat Racing as a sport was popularized in some Third World countries and then made its way to some Second World countries from whence it is now making the jump to some welcoming cities in the USA.

Carcia Fortgang believes that “Fargo, North Dakota is the perfect place for Cat Racing to gain acceptance as a mainstream sport because it is just so doggone exciting!”

Ironically, all of the letters in Carcia Fortgang can be re-arranged to spell: Fargo Cat Racing!

FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival

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Join us for the Fossil Fish Festival. It’s a fun way to waste a weekend and also a great way to meet people you normally would want to avoid.

West Fargo, ND – The FMO Tour Bus is being cleaned out (from our last trip to the State Prison) for our next Reader Tour Fun Package!

Where are we going this time? To Wyoming, to see the amazing Fossil Fish Festival on February 18th!

You may ask yourself: Whyoming? Well, because that’s where the Fossil Fish Festival is being held – in Laramie, which is in the state of Wyoming, which is somewhere North of Colorado.

This will be the 30th anniversary of the designation of the wonderful fossil fish “Knightia”, who is Wyoming’s official state fossil which evolved roughly 50 million years ago!

This extinct fossil fish has served as Wyoming’s State Fossil Fish for 30 years and because it is so similar to herring, they will be serving expensive pickled herring for a nominal fee of $50 per person.

Sign up for our Fossil Fish Festival Fun Package at our Corporate Office Park.

The cost for the entire Fun Package is $999.99 which does not include any food, drinks, lodging, tips, and/or emergency medical attention.

Sign up early and often so we have enough time to do some extreme vetting into your personal life and of those who may be sitting next to you for the 36 hour round trip.

New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons

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Buck McRoyster here gearing up his horse Trigger in Downtown Fargo’s new Lariat Bar & Horse Hotel.

Fargo, ND – With an increasing number of cowboy customers riding horseback due to Global Warming, Downtown Fargo will soon have a new restaurant/bar which will also provide an old-fashioned stables to hold your horses in comfort while the cowboys hava shot of whiskey and an Old West-style meal while their horses get fed, bathed, and groomed by friendly equinologists from the NDSU extension agency as a way of earning credits towards their degree in Horse Park Management Services.

The owner/manager of the new Lariat Bar & Restaurant & Stables is Buck McRoyster who sees his place filling a much needed niche in today’s green society.

“Yeah, like, if you are riding horse and want to stop by for a good meal and maby a bier or two, there just ain’t a lot of places you can go these daze that can accommodate a horse like my Trigger here,” Buck says.

“The Lariat should be quite popular with all the old time cowboys who still ride with pride, doyanowhatimsayn?”

Cowboy McRoyster also mentioned to us that they may eventually add a nice hotel and Massage Parlor.