Johnnny’s Sixth Retrospective (Posts 500-600)

November 20th, 2017 | by Johnnny
My second one hundred posts.

My 6th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 600 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 600th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

500. Johnnny’s Fifth 100 Posts
501. Many college students admit to living off of Costco free samples
502. Moorhead couple spends Valentines evening together in jail after being arrested for disrespecting an officer
503. Fargo city leaders vote Yes to seek out Guatemalan sister city
504. Man dies when far-sighted reptile mistakes him for large rodent
505. ND lawmakers vote to cut their own pay and always wear jeans
506. Dr. Pepper advises all his patients to drink more soda pop
507. Jamba Joot to headline Fargo reggae fest
508. Elderly Fargo man will not pay his property taxes until diversion is done
509. Trump to introduce family’s new pet llama whose name is Dolly
510. Motivational speaker Marv Hoppler coming to Fargo for some accelerated sessions
511. FMObserver to purchase city of Fargo for undisclosed number of bitcoins
512. FMO’s Buddy Driscoll will be driving the #99 car in the Daytona 500 race
513. Fargo’s most famous poet tries to explain his ‘best works’
514. Hawaii votes to add another island named Zaui
515. Fargo witch heading to trial
516. Man-on-the-street checking the Zeitgeist
517. New Chinese poodle puppies come in variety of colours
518. Vasco Corporation now hiring part-time workers to test wetchops
519. Fargo’s plan to ban plastic bags irks some civil liberties groups
520. FM area to begin spraying for gadflies
521. Fargo downtowner arrested for repeated dawdlings
522. New Fargo donut shop specifically designed for people on drugs
523. Husband of peanut farmer’s wife driving her nuts
524. Gang signs causing fights between rival retirement homes
525. Fargo’s Dr. Hendassa calling it quits after 150 years of service
526. Jack Nicholson opening a bar in downtown Fargo
527. Local hospitals reporting increasing numbers of gogopox cases
528. FMObserver soon to open university dedicated to teaching fake news
529. Cancellation of UND women’s hockey was just a bad April Fool’s joke
530. New FM area golf course to cross interstate highway
531. Russians hack Krispy Kreme’s secret recipe
532. Fargo man demonstrates how to levitate using advanced meditation techniques
533. Playing slot machines good for health
534. FMO interviews United Airline’s CEO Oscar Munoz
535. Fargo bar fight begins after man asks another to borrow his toogit
536. FMO hiring day will be a week from next month
537. Man hit by train in stable condition while recovering at the morgue
538. Moorhead hoarder finds dead husband buried under tons of junk
539. Trump to use LGBTQ to make America great again
540. Fargo singing group to perform on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show
541. In honor of humpday, Defense Dept introduces an old/new military weapon
542. FMO’s ABCs for living happily ever after
543. May is take your pet water skiing month
544. Fargo man suing hospital for mistakenly removing his novanoid
545. Rooftop dancing is the new downtown Fargo party craze
546. Groups of homeless living in trees east of Glyndon
547. Moorhead names itself the most scenic city in the Moorhead area
548. Military developing pink night-vision just for female fighters
549. Amsterdam Douglass donates priceless painting for Global Cooling fundraiser
550. North Dakota first state to make church attendance mandatory
551. Foolhardy Fargo men try operating a powerful magnetron outside its protective shielding
552. New MN state record set for smallest walleye ever caught
553. Golfer Ian Poultergeist somehow got trapped in a television set
554. Valuable items for sale at inflated prices
555. New Tiger Woods invitational golf tournament only for legally drunk players
556. Tiger Woods asking for help and understanding after admitting being wealthy ain’t easy
557. Elderly man dies peacefully at home after family tells him Trump was impeached
558. Volunteers sought for Deja-Vu clinical study
559. Anti-distracted driver movement gaining steam
560. New detention centers being built just for distracted drivers
561. Lottery winner on way to collect jackpot killed by distracted driver
562. Area drought being blamed on dry conditions and Global Drying
563. Twelve-year-old Kung-Fu brown-belt kicks crap out of would-be burglar
564. Fargo bocce ball tournament to raise money for its organizers
565. Montana earthquake either caused by Global Fracking or payback for Unabomber
566. 25 eating tips by FMObserver senior staff dietitian Angie Pitts
567. World famous jazz monkey set to wow Fargo jazz aficionados
568. Delaware has broken off from the United States
569. Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus believes that black holes matter
570. Storms completely wipe the town of Centralia ND off the map
571. Fargo realtor being sued for calling bedroom #1 the ‘master’ bedroom
572. Man mails himself to vacation destination in a cardboard box
573. Global Warming causing ice to become the new currency
574. West Fargo runners admit to drinking Mt. Dew before running 3-minute mile
575. West Fargo library being closed for displaying books
576. National coffee shortage causing companies to hoard ‘the fuel of business’
577. Solar eclipse cancelled as some find it to be offensive
578. President Trump to vacation in Fargo
579. Minnesota raising legal cigarette smoking age to fifty
580. Hurricane Limbaugh set to wreak havoc on liberal media
581. Man claims he simply forgot to get dressed after walking into his workplace naked
582. Todd Rundgren opens Moorhead concert with a prayer for President Trump
583. Man tries to rob convenience store for a pack of cigarettes using only a pillow
584. Unsportsmanlike conduct now a federal crime
585. Big Bird dead at the age of seventy
586. Superman Trump single-handedly saves Puerto Rico by tossing out paper towels
587. FMO hiring senior retro-tech position to service all our older equipment
588. Costumes and candy banned for Halloween in Fargo
589. Many apple pickers who choose to make apple wine end up getting quite drunk
590. Boys joining Girl Scouts just for the cookies
591. Fargo lobster bisque company goes belly-up due to lack of local lobsters
592. FMO recommends doing some pre-shoveling prior to any winter storm
593. Uncle Screwball warning trick-or-treaters to avoid scary clowns like him
594. Moorhead couple caught with 800 pounds of Qiameth worth an estimated $2.4 billion
595. New wonder drug called Blitzkrieg has some very serious side effects
596. Oprah’s much-anticipated holiday gift-giving guide
597. It’s no longer OK to say ‘OK’
598. Vikings place Sam Bradford on injured reserve and activate Debra Getty-Widder
599. Cat racing coming to Fargo


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.