In America, car breaks cow. In Soviet Russia, cow breaks your car and walks off like a boss.
Video was shot with a dash cam in Russia. As you can see, he crashes into two cows doing the dirty. Afterwords, the cow walks off like a boss.
Gillette recently released an ad that they thought somehow didn’t look dirty at all. You may see the ad directly below.
We asked a few residents around town what their thoughts were after viewing the ad. Below are their responses.
“Is that Barack Obama raping another American? What are they doing to each other?”
“That dude is getting humped in the rump!”
“That guy in the black is going to slap the guy in the red in the butt while in the mud. That’s dirty!”
“That guy is totally getting raped in the butt.”
“Its baracka-back mountain.”
“Gooooo spank some butt on Gillette Mountain. In the mud and everywhere.”
“Smell nothing?”
“That certainly looks like butt sex.”
“The guy in black sure is giving everything he’s got!”
“That is gay porn right there.”
“Is he humping a guy stuck in the mud?”
“That’s gay.”
“He’s definitely smelling something.”
“Well, they are definitely having butt sex.”
“Poor guy is getting raped right in the butt in the mud there.”
“Well this certainly reminds of their old saying, ‘The best a man can get.’ Ads certainly have changed.”
Well I have to agree with everyone in their response. The guy certainly looks like he’s getting raped in the buttox. I’ll leave you with this to cleanse your mind.
Microsoft left E3 a little sore in the tushy area this past week. Their Xbox One reveal didn’t make many people happy. In fact it has now spawned a bunch of memes. Here are a collection of some of the memes currently out there at the moment.
Proof that Connor Kenway of Azssassins’ Creed III likes to rub one out at inappropriate times. Get a room Connor Kenway.
Jim: Hey Todd. Can you send an e-mail to our very valuable customer who contacted us today for me please? My computer needs to reboot for a Microsoft update.
Todd: No can do Jim. I’m already in the middle of a Microsoft update. We’ll just have to contact him tomorrow.
Next day….
Jim: I have the customer on the phone but another Microsoft update popped up and it started to install itself. Can you take this?
Todd: Sure. Transfer him over. Wait. I didn’t postpone another update and now it decided to automatically install itself. Says it’s going to restart soon. We’ll have to call them back tomorrow.
Jim: Todd can you….
Todd: No I can’t. I turned on my computer and updates are installing. I have to wait until that’s done for me to get to my desktop.
Later that day….
Jim: Todd, do you kn……….
Todd: Updates….installing updates…..more updates JIM!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Next day….
Jim: Well we lost our top account Todd. We’ll probably be out of jobs any day now. It was nice working with you.
Todd: Yessssssss. Finally got back to the desktop. What was that you were saying Jim?
They have narrowed the identity of the bombing suspect down to either a “dark-skinned male, possible white, or maybe a woman,” “a fat Hispanic baby,” or “a dog on its hind legs wearing glasses and a hat.”
Detroit Lakes, MN – In a sad story blooms something funny.
Valley News Live interviewed Tim Eggebraaten in what seemed to be a poor choice of location. If you look closely behind Mr. Eggebraaten, you can see their comical sign they have up that says “gotdonuts?’
Now was this planned for shits and giggles? Was the KVLY interviewer feeling daring and positioned him in front of the sign without his knowledge? Was this Mr. Eggebraaten’s idea for laughs? We may never know.
Regardless, it’s pretty funny. Click the pictures for a better view.
Below are very important questions everyone should consider asking before joining a religion.
Are there unicorns?
Are there dragons?
Will you rape me of my money?
Will you rape me?
Will you rape my children?
Do you think for me or do I think for myself?
Is it ok to pass gas in a church pew?
Are gays your sworn enemy? If so, would you go to war against them? What weapons would you use?
Do I get superpowers?
Is touching a woman’s or man’s arm considered sex?
Are animals considered robots?
Do you believe in modern medicine or are you miracle healers?
Are there free donuts available after we congregate?
Do you wear special underwear?
Do you pray to god or use some type of electronic device like a cellphone?
Do you perform mating rituals?
Do I have to give you my belongings?
What date do you consider the end coming?
If Jessica Biel became a zombie and tried to bite you, would you let her get a little tongue action in before you blew her head off?
How many followers does your religion’s twitter feed currently have?
How many times did the Bible’s writers misuse the words ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ before you guys edited it?
If your religion could have a mascot, what would it be?
What is the outside food/beverage policy during worship?
I have an aversion to needles. Will you be administering heroin or any other harmful drugs during bloody sacrifice? (hopefully only applies to Satanism)
True or false: If you keep all the hair trimmings from every haircut you’ve ever had, you would have enough to construct a life-size hair twin?
Where we’re going, will we need roads or no?
Why didn’t Jesus have a wife and kids?
Update: A priest responds
GAME TIME
How To Play:
1 Look at picture.
2. Try and guess what animal the cookie is supposed to be.
Rules:
1. No cheating! You are not allowed to go get yourself a bag of these glorious things so you can examine then eat the cookies yourself.
Here is your one and only hint. The picture below is the kind of bag the cookies came in. I crossed out the animals on the front of the bag because it could have possibly gave away the answers.
Let’s get started!
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4.
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6.
Can you guess them all correctly? Leave your answers in the comments section below.