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Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Exclusive!

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

With all the hubbub over a drama series based on and in our quiet town, we are providing interested parties with a rough draft of opening scenes from the much-anticipated pilot episode of Fargo Family, Fargo’s first and only soap opera scheduled to definitely maybe air:

F Mob Server Productions, 2017

FARGO FAMILY

“Pilot”

SCENE 1. HOMESTEAD.

FADE IN:

(Flapper dressed in greasy overalls cautiously enters Margareet’s kitchen through a halfway-open back patio door, frigid air billowing in)

FLAPPER: Margie? Margie…? You here?

(Margareet stumbles into kitchen holding empty bottle of Boone’s Farm while Dr. Phil drones on in the background)

MARGAREET: (slurring speech, clearly inebriated) OHHH isn’t this a day! Thirty below and a ton of white covers the ground! It’s dream we’re living upon the clouds! I’m–

(Flapper notices Margareet’s unstable mental condition, interrupts her)

FLAPPER: Darling, you’ve got to stop this, doncha know! Dr. Never been coming around again? Keeping company with his devil pills?? Sleeping with Prince Valium at night, I’m sure ya you betcha.

(Flapper turns to leave, Margareet desperately lunges toward him)

MARGAREET: (slurring badly now) Flap, you mustn’t go! The Cadillac has a transvestite leak and I’m low on fluid. (holds up wine bottle) Where’d you have to be?!

(Flapper draws in and lets out a deep sigh of discontent)

FLAPPER: I shouldn’t be comin round no more if for not on business. It isn’t right…(long pause, staring longingly at an anguished Margareet) …but it isn’t wrong if Kingsley gone on office trips all the dang time, dontcha know…

(Flapper embraces Margareet, a long kiss and a slight nudge)

CUT SCENE FADE

SCENE 2. WORK.

FADE IN:

(Kingsley sitting alone in conference room, old wrinkly hand thumbing a cherished ancient Sioux Indian artifact, mumbling to himself. Sunshine/warm weather radiates off skyscrapers through conference room window)

KINGSLEY: Boy, Old K, you’re going to have to do better than that if you want to keep the dang Lexmark account…

(Kingsley’s personal secretary peeks in conference room door, Kingsley notices her)

KINGSLEY: Go the heck away, eh? Now ain’t a great time!

SECRETARY: But, sir, like, Beatris was calling and calling and finally, like, left a message about, like, it being urgent and junk, so, like, I took a message..?

(Secretary’s phrase is uttered in the tone of a question, Kingsley stares blankly at what he believes to be a complete airhead)

KINGSLEY: Well jeez, what was the message about there, Chynthia? You know what? Forget it, eh? I’ll phone her on the bluetooth in the Uber, you betcha. Now beat it, dontcha!

(Kingsley encloses  fist around prized Sioux Indian artifact, fist tightens)

FADE OUT.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL ABOUT OPIOID-INDUCED CONSTIPATION RELIEF.

Exciting, isn’t it? Nothing makes for a better soap opera than terrific acting, a well-designed script and embarrassing commercial interruptions. Do you want to take part in this theatrical endeavor? Leave a comment or email us your resumé including date of birth, place of birth and type of birth.

Click here for PART 2 of our Pilot Episode!

Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera

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Production of Fargo Family will begin as soon as actors are chosen and the episodes are written.

Fargo, ND – Fargo will soon be getting its own soap opera called Fargo Family. It will be based in Fargo, be about Fargo, and all the actors will be from Fargo.

If you or someone you know is an actor or would like to be an actor on a real soap opera, please leave a comment below or email us your resume and also indicate which of the following roles you are interested in:

Fargo Family characters that need to be filled:

1. Kingsley – A treacherous old codger who spent some time in a military prison for acts unbecoming of an officer.
2. Margareet – Kingsley’s wife, the wine-drinking matriarch, who will back stab anyone who turns their back on her.
3. Skooter – Their son who has Attention Deficit Disorder but likes to tinker around with powerful sound equipment.
4. Trix – Their super-popular teen daughter who secretly likes to bully other students on Facebook.
5. Flapper – Their mechanic friend that is also into gambling to the point where it’s causing him some serious problems.
6. Dr. Never – An internal medicine doctor who is also the family’s main supplier of prescription pharmaceutical drugs.
7. The Bopster – Trix’s boyfriend who also wants to start his own modeling agency.
8. Stanley – Margareet’s inventive brother who lives on the wrong side of the tracks.
9. Lulu May – A free-spirited floozy willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.
10. Xang Xou – A table tennis instructor with whom many share deep personal secrets because he doesn’t speak English good.
11. Beatris – Kingsley’s sister who is a pessimistic liberal currently unhappy about pretty much everything.
12. Conrad – Husband of Beatris who wants to help make America great again while making a lucrative profit.

Not only will all the actors be selected from the Fargo area, the general plot ideas, spoken lines of dialogue, accompanying music, theme song, costumes, hairstyles, and makeup will all be done by Fargoans. This will be a community effort and creation of which we all can hopefully be proud.

You are urged to have courageous curiosity on the direction Fargo Family is going. Remember, we are all a part of the Fargo Family!

Click here to read the script!

Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun

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Test your navigational skills at the Fargo Ice Maze. It’s amazing!

Fargo, ND – One thing good about Fargo’s cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff.

The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for supporting an outdoor Ice Maze.

Fargo’s new Ice Maze is the amazing brainchild of Vaughn Dirkly who been fascinated with mazes since his childhood.

“Ever since I was just a pup, I’ve been making mazes out of pretty much everything you can imagine,” admits Vaughn, who is now a ripe old 32 years old.

Vaughn goes on: “During the summer months, I’ve made mazes out of wood, dirt, cornstalks, water, cars, and even garbage! But now, this is my very first wintertime ice maze. I hope everyone likes it and enjoys trying to find their way through it.”

Even though going through the Fargo Ice Maze is free, people are being asked to bring a bag of Nacho Doritos as a free-will offering donation for Vaughn and his maze team.

Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

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The USS Fargo

Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland as Algore’s Global Cooling Initiative begins to pick up some glacial momentum from the International Council of Temperature Mitigation efforts to manage Earth’s water’s changing modal properties.

The USS Fargo along with its highly trained crew of 75 will work tirelessly to keep the Red River of the North ice-free from Wahpeton to Winnipeg as concerned climatologists foresee many major ice storms which threaten to shut down the transportational aspect of our economy leaving only the Red River as the last viable means to thorough-fare goods and people to differing latitudes.

Marvin Nimmaster on the reality of Global Cooling: “The imminent threat of the Earth icing up like a giant snow cone is no longer an arguable hoax that can be joked about by climatological comedians but rather is as real as the moose standing in the middle of the road as your vehicle is trying to slam on its brakes to avoid having the thousand pound beast land in your lap while you’re trying to get to grandma’s house to go sip some eggnog.”

Shoe Tossing The Work Of Ancient Satanic Evil Says Area Man

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Clear sign of eternal damnation

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, says one Fargo man. What he means is where there’s shoe tossing, there is an unabated malevolence permeating the souls of area teens.

The presence of shoes dangling from power lines has nothing to do with drugs, gangs, or kids just funnin around. No, sir, there’s far more to it than that, according to unofficial FMO Correspondent and respected area elder Skint Boobidoo, III.

Skint Boobidoo, III

“Think about this. It is ten below out. A child removes his shoes, ties them together then hurls them into the sky until they hang from the lines for any silly reason? Ha ha, no. He was subconsciously coerced by the once baneful servants of Lucifer to mark the very spot where ritual blood sacrifice occurred hundreds of years prior,” declares Boobidoo.

Although residents have voiced concern over this, Boobidoo insists there is no need for panic over haphazardly strewn footwear. The wrath of these tarnished souls is kept at bay. “Their pagan magic cannot be conjured by Converse.”

He reminds parents to check their children’s bedrooms frequently during the night. If your child is out sleepwalking with shoes in hand instead of on foot, he or she could get frostbitten or communicate with the dead.

Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano

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A man was found living inside this piano in a Fargo apartment.

Fargo, ND – Unbeknownst to the residents of a Fargo apartment, a man was found living inside their upright piano.

Needless to say, the residents are “kind of freaking out” about the whole situation, say police investigators who are working this bizarre case.

“Now, in retrospect, this might explain why some of the notes didn’t work so good when we were doing some sing-alongs at Christmastime,” ponders Mrs. Anonymous who was willing to speak “on the record” if able to maintain her total anonymity and privacy.

Mrs. Evelina Volšek of 12320 Camden Place in North Fargo is now looking for another piano which hopefully does not have a strange man living inside of it.

If you know of a free, uninhabited piano which could be donated to Mrs. Evelina Volšek of 12320 Camden Place in North Fargo, please contact her directly, day or night, but please remember to respect her privacy as she wishes to remain totally anonymous.

Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29 MPH On I-29

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Travelling 29 mph down the interstate highway, with no worries, not a care in the... What are those flashing red lights?!

Travelling 29 mph down the interstate highway, with no worries, not a care in the… What are those flashing red lights?!

Fargo, ND – State Highway Patrol pulled over an elderly Fargo driver who was travelling at a very low rate of speed on Interstate-29.

Mr. Cornwall Wilbertson had for some reason decided to take the interstate when driving from North Fargo to West Acres to do some early Christmas shopping.

A number of drivers who passed him on the highway noted that if Cornwall was going any slower, he’d be completely stopped in the middle of his south-bound lane.

Mr. Wilbertson was arrested and booked for being a public nuisance and driving almost half of the minimum speed on a major interstate highway.

When asked what he was thinking, Mr. Wilbertson said: “Well, I was thinking about old time Christmases, with the eggnog and the mistletoe, and then we watched The Wizard of Oz on our brand new color television. I remembered how we always played pinochle after our Christmas meal and before opening presents. Member how Uncle Charlie always brought us nuts and oranges from his greenhouse? Member grandma always trying to play piano so we could sing Deck The Halls? Member when we made that snow fort after that big blizzard? Member when Dad drank too much? Member when Steven left a candle burning and burned the house down?“

Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time

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Fargo’s Miss Devine can win the lottery any time she desires.

Fargo, ND – Unbeknownst to most hoi polloi, living amongst Fargo’s commonfolk resides One with a “most powerful” gift.

Fargo’s Miss Divine can foretell the future “well enough” to have just won a record nine lottery jackpots.

So as to remain “under the radar”, Miss Divine usually plays the “lesser games” such as: Hot Lotto, 2 by 2, and Lucky For Life.

Last week Miss Divine informed us that she recently won the 2 by 2 game, which is now her ninth lottery win. When we asked Miss Divine “the how and why”, her response in her own words was: “Miss Divine sees things in her crystal ball that allow her to live very comfortably while being able to hand out $100 bills to those in obvious need.”

If you would ever like to discuss “possibilities” for your future finances with Miss Divine, look for her in the Downtown Fargo area. Whilst you seek her out in the alleys and galleys, you will not find her so much as “she will find you”. Remember to tell Miss Divine that you “read about” her on the FM Observer (and use promo-code “MD2-J9” for a 10% “bonus coupon”).

Tilda Swinton Adds Fargo Shapeshifting Charity Tour Stop

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Will morph 4 U.

Fargo: The Witching Hour is nigh upon you. Famed Hollywood actress Tilda Swinton, best known for her superior acting prowess, is spearheading Breast Cancer Awareness month by bringing one of her lesser-known talents on a nationwide tour for charity.

Tilda Swinton’s Witching Hour gives patrons an up-close glimpse into her uncanny ability to shape-shift. Metaphysical duality will be on live display as Swinton morphs from a human to a ghost, floats aimlessly about the crowd caressing cheeks and twirling hair, then returns to form. This bewildering spectacle can be seen for the low-low price of $69.95 per person, 100% of which Swinton will donate to breast cancer awareness.

In a promotional video (that has been banned by YouTube) Swinton could be seen chanting “You will come. You will witness, in awe, the inspiring movement. You. Will. Experience.”

This marks the fifth consecutive year Tilda Swinton’s Witching Hour tours the nation but only the first time it appears in Fargo.

The witching shall commence at midnight October 29th in a field next to Hector Airport.

A large medium will read palms and minds to open the show.

Young Man Digging Fargo Diversion By Himself

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This young Fargo man was so sick and tired of all the delays that he has begun digging the Fargo Diversion by himself.

This young Fargo man was so sick and tired of all the delays that he has begun digging the Fargo Diversion by himself.

Fargo, ND – After seeing more and more red tape causing endless delays, a young Fargo man has taken it upon himself to begin digging the controversial $2.2 billion Red River Diversion.

Timmy Diggs has already dug a half mile diversion channel exactly according to the official Diversion plans and he has no plans to stop digging.

Mrs. Diggs about son Timmy: “Every time there is another delay, Timmy just goes out and digs that much harder!”

Authorities say that if Timmy continues at his current rate, the entire Red River Diversion will be done by next fall and will come in at about $2.1 billion under budget.

Timmy in his own words: “During my long five years on this Earth, I have learned that if you want something to actually get done, you either have to do it yourself, or ask me to do it for you.”

When asked what he plans on doing after the Red River Diversion Project has been completed, Timmy says he is already gearing up to build that wall on our Southern border that Donald Trump has been promising.