Tag Archives: NDSU

UND Football Team Adds Moose As Running Back To Roster In Effort To Beat The Bison

Leave a reply

‘The Moose’ is a great running back but does sometimes have a problem holding on to the football.

Grand Forks, ND – In a last ditch effort to topple the NDSU Bison football team, the UND former Fighting Sioux have enlisted the help of an almost unstoppable running back.

As you might expect, his name is Bullwinkle and the scouting report on him says this running back is extremely hard to catch, contain, and tackle!

Bullwinkle (‘The Moose’ as his teammates affectionately call him) is believed to be from the Moose Jaw River area way up there in Saskatchewan, eh?

Coach says his coaching staff is very high on Bullwinkle and are hoping he can help bring the former Fighting Sioux a Nickel Trophy win against the mooseless Bison team.

After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled

Leave a reply

After a great run and then a hugely painful loss, NDSU football program to be replaced with Jai Alai.

Fargodome, ND – Some thought the dream would just go on forever.

People had already purchased tickets to Frisco, Texas to cheer on the NDSU Bison football team to win their sixth straight national championship, and that this trend would simply continue ad infinitum.

However, the brakes got abruptly slammed on after an extremely painful spanking by James Madison University.

Many are now thinking this would be the perfect time to repeal and replace the football program with something “more in tune with the times”.

Bobo Fontillas, president of Jai Alai America, believes that NDSU should bring the incredibly popular and fast-paced sport of Jai Alai to NDSU.

“Jai Alai, which is sometimes affectionately called Zesta Punta, would work very nicely in the Fargodome, especially now that the football ‘thing’ has reached an obvious nadir,” explains Bobo Fontillas.

How do you feel about the NDSU Bison Football program being repealed and replaced with Jai Alai? Are you ready to stop punting a football and start watching some exciting Zesta Punta?

Ironically, all of the letters in Bobo Fontillas can be re-arranged to spell: Bison Football!

Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes, Bigger And Better Than Ever!

Leave a reply
Bison Turf will respond Bison Tough!

Bison Turf will respond Bison Tough!

Fargo, ND – As the current chapter of the Bison Turf Bar changed from mass to energy (divided by the speed of light squared), the next chapter of its future was already beginning to rise from the ashes.

As perdition’s flames burned, positive universal karma was already flowing toward The Bison Turf from the moons of Nibia and from around the Antares Maelstrom.

The new Bison Turf Megaplex will not only be fireproof, but will be one of the most kick-ass, state-of-the-art places to hava bier in America.

There will be six floors to commemorate the six back-to-back national championships by the Bison Football team (the previous five championships plus the next one).

First Floor: The Bison Tough Lounge, which will be amazingly similar to the old Bison Turf Bar lounge, to honor past traditions.
Second Floor: The Champ Camp will be similar to the new Bison Tough Lounge but way cooler.
Third Floor: Instant Replay will be very high-tech with countless flat-screen TVs all showing Bison highlights from yesteryears.
Fourth Floor: Finish Strong to acknowledge that it takes four strong quarters to win a game.
Fifth Floor: The Floor Of Fame will surround patrons with a plethora of pictures and collectibles from all stand-out Bison athletes from all sports.
Sixth Floor: The Joy Of Six Rooftop Penthouse will be from where Bison fans can begin to cheer on the Bison Football team’s upcoming and astounding sixth consecutive national championship.

NDSU Hires Hairy Potter As Professor Of Spells And Incantations

Leave a reply
NDSU's Professor Hairy Potter

NDSU’s Professor Hairy Potter

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer has confirmed while drinking from the grapevine that Hairy Potter has been hired by NDSU to be the school’s first-ever Professor of Spells and Incantations.

FMO: How did you decide to take this teaching job at NDSU?

Professor Potter: Well, I’ve always herd such wonderful things about NDSU and all the great people here, and now with my film career behind me, I decided it was time to get a real job.

FMO: Do you think a lot of students will want to learn about Spells and Incantations from you?

Professor Potter: We’ve already gotten a lot of interest expressed for my S&I classes. Once the students get a taste for all that I have to teach them, these classes will be standing room only.

NDSU Changing Its School Song To: We Are The Champions!

Leave a reply
caption hier

While striving for 6 consecutive championships, Bison fans will be cheering for: The Joy Of Six!

Fargo, ND – Ever since the third verse of the NDSU Bison school song was found to have some “troubling” lyrics, the search has been on to pick a replacment song for “The Yellow and the Green” which was written by Archibald Minard and Clarence Putnam back around 1908.

NDSU is now extremely proud to announce that its new official school song is: We Are The Champions!

This ever-popular song was written by the late, great Freddie Mercury and introduced to the world by the band Queen in 1977.

After five straight national championships by the NDSU football team, We Are The Champions seems to be the perfect new school song for The Bison. In fact, Freddie Mercury said that he was actually thinking about football when he wrote the song.

With their new school song behind them, the NDSU Bison will now seek to extend their championship run to six straight winning trips to Frisco, Texas.

For this quest, the NDSU Bison football team is also announcing their new official slogan for this next year: The Joy Of Six!

Obama Names NDSU Bison Our National Football Team

Leave a reply
caption hier

Generations of Bison have and will continue to dominate the competition in and on the field.

Buffalo, NY – President Obama has graciously taken some time off his busy golf schedule to name the NDSU Bison our official national football team.

Top spokesman for the president, Scheff Fleffly spoke on strict terms of anonymity:

“Let it be known far and wide, that we hereby decree, from this day forward, that the 5-Time National Champion NDSU Bison from Fargo, South Dakota are henceforth to be named the national football team of America.”

Reaction to this major announcement was swift and mixed, and then poured into a tall chilled glass:

“Hey, I thought Fargo was in Canada, eh?” pondered Dumpster Johnstone’s stepmother.

Crest Fleckers lisped: “It’s about time, since the Bisons not only discovered America but have managed to dominate since Day One!”

LaFlex Boddington retroflexed: “Don’t we have more impotent things to worry about like Global Cooling or lowering the Maximum Wage?!”

Punky Butterworth sub-vocalized: “Well, that’s just fricking great! Now perhaps we can finally integrate outcome-based critical thinking via self-reflection on what the Bison mean to us, collectively, as a group.”

Gamecocks No Match For NDSU Bison Thundering Herd

Leave a reply
caption here

A few scrawny gamecocks prove to be no match for The Bison Thundering Herd!

Frisco, TX – A gamecock is a rooster that’s bred and trained for cockfighting. Unfortunately for Alabama’s Jacksonville State, Bison are buffalos that are bred and trained to stomp out gamecocks.

After the NDSU Bison football team’s bloody stampede over the opposing gamecocks, it once again shows that The Bison are truly in a league of their own.

While gamecocks are learning how to peck at other gamecocks to establish their little pecking order, NDSU Bison football players are lifting tractors for exercise.

While gamecocks are nibbling at a kernel of corn, NDSU Bison football players are practicing to win another National Championship amid endless fields of corn.

While gamecocks are limping back to their bus for medical attention, NDSU Bison 5-Time National Champion football players are being recruited by the NFL.

Go Bison! Bison Nation! Bison Pride!
Hello, once again, to ESPN College GameDay!

Binge Drinking OKed In Fargodome Suites During Football Games

Leave a reply
caption here

Raise your beer pitcher and let’s toast to binge drinking in all suite seats!

Fargo, ND – The Good News: The decision has been made to finally allow binge drinking during Bison football games.

The Bad News: Binge drinking will only be allowed in suites. So, if you’re not in a suite, all your drinking will have to be drunk during the tailing gating party in the parking lot prior to entering the Fargodome.

The Other Good News: The entire Fargodome has now been zoned as one giant “suite”, so no matter where you are, binge drinking will not only be allowed, but encouraged.

NDSU To Offer Rock Balancing As Major Field Of Study

Leave a reply
NDSU welcomes Professor Dr. Michael Grab

NDSU welcomes Professor Dr. Michael Grab

Fargo, ND – North Dakota State University is proud to announce that a major in Rock Balancing is being added to its fields of study.

Canadian-born Professor Dr. Michael Grab who now headquarters out of Boulder, CO will oversee NDSU’s Rock Balancing classes.

Dr. Grab has long been one of the world’s foremost authorities on the Art of Rock Balancing.

With the recent rise in popularity of rock balancing, job opportunities abound for trained rock balancers as many resorts, hotels, and restaurants are seeking to hire them to their staff.

Dr. Grab also believes practicing the Art of Rock Balancing provides many meditative benefits and helps to promote patience.

NDSU will be offering Rock Balancing classes to all undergraduate and graduate students and also through on-line study courses.

travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

Leave a reply

travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.