Detroit Lakes, MN – In a sad story blooms something funny.
Valley News Live interviewed Tim Eggebraaten in what seemed to be a poor choice of location. If you look closely behind Mr. Eggebraaten, you can see their comical sign they have up that says “gotdonuts?’
Now was this planned for shits and giggles? Was the KVLY interviewer feeling daring and positioned him in front of the sign without his knowledge? Was this Mr. Eggebraaten’s idea for laughs? We may never know.
Regardless, it’s pretty funny. Click the pictures for a better view.
Below are very important questions everyone should consider asking before joining a religion.
Are there unicorns?
Are there dragons?
Will you rape me of my money?
Will you rape me?
Will you rape my children?
Do you think for me or do I think for myself?
Is it ok to pass gas in a church pew?
Are gays your sworn enemy? If so, would you go to war against them? What weapons would you use?
Do I get superpowers?
Is touching a woman’s or man’s arm considered sex?
Are animals considered robots?
Do you believe in modern medicine or are you miracle healers?
Are there free donuts available after we congregate?
Do you wear special underwear?
Do you pray to god or use some type of electronic device like a cellphone?
Do you perform mating rituals?
Do I have to give you my belongings?
What date do you consider the end coming?
If Jessica Biel became a zombie and tried to bite you, would you let her get a little tongue action in before you blew her head off?
How many followers does your religion’s twitter feed currently have?
How many times did the Bible’s writers misuse the words ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ before you guys edited it?
If your religion could have a mascot, what would it be?
What is the outside food/beverage policy during worship?
I have an aversion to needles. Will you be administering heroin or any other harmful drugs during bloody sacrifice? (hopefully only applies to Satanism)
True or false: If you keep all the hair trimmings from every haircut you’ve ever had, you would have enough to construct a life-size hair twin?
2. Try and guess what animal the cookie is supposed to be.
Rules:
1. No cheating! You are not allowed to go get yourself a bag of these glorious things so you can examine then eat the cookies yourself.
Here is your one and only hint. The picture below is the kind of bag the cookies came in. I crossed out the animals on the front of the bag because it could have possibly gave away the answers.
Let’s get started!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Can you guess them all correctly? Leave your answers in the comments section below.
“Love Me” is a song by Lil Wayne, released on January 18, 2013 as the third single from his upcoming tenth studio album I Am Not a Human Being II (2013).
Lil Wayne has got that A1 credit at that Filet Mignon. Basically this entire song is about banging bitches. I lost count of how many times the word bitches and niggas were used. Lets just say, A LOT. Solid writing skills here. I think this is the first time I read some lyrics and i’m like ‘Ewww’.’ No I’m not getting older. The lyrics are just ewww.
It’s probably a good thing the song is autotune because, man, this song would suck so bad. Singing these lyrics to any women are sure to get them to love you.
See for yourself. I have posted these glorious, genius written lyrics below. Don’t forgot to watch the video. Probably one of the best music vidoes to ever have been made.
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge:]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 1: Lil’ Wayne]
Pussy-ass n-ggas stop hatin’
Lil’ Tunechi got that fire
And these hoes love me like Satan…
F-ck with me and get bodied
And all she eat is dick
She on a strict diet
That’s my baby
With no makeup she a ten
And she the best with head
Even better than Corinne
She don’t want money
She want the time we could spend
She said “cause I really need somebody,
So tell me you’re that somebody”
And girl, I f-ck who I want
And f-ck who I don’t
Got that A1 credit
At that Filet Mignon
She say “I never wanna you make you mad,
I just wanna make you proud”
I say “baby, just make me cum,
Then don’t make a sound”
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 2: Lil’ Wayne]
Real n-ggas, f-ck these haters
These hoes got pussies like craters
Can’t treat these hoes like ladies, man…
Pussy, money, weed, codeine
She say my dick feel like morphine
I hope my name tastes like sardines to these n-ggas
She wake up, eat his dick
Call that breakfast in bed, 69.96
I feel her heartbeat
I touched her chest with this bitch
Now turn around, face down, I’m arresting this bitch
Yeah, all my bitches love me
And I love all my bitches
But it’s like soon as I cum
I come to my senses
And I would say these hoes’ names
But then I would be snitchin’
And these haters try to knock me
But they can’t knock me off the hinges
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
[Bridge 2: Lil’ Wayne]
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
Bitch…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
Here is the video to this garbage song.
“Yea, as long as my bitches love me.” Take that lyric with you wherever you may go. It could probably get you through some tough times.
You’ve seen them. You’ve probably posted one, two, or twelve hundred. Ecards are the new scourge of facebook.
Everyone’s original thoughts have now finally gone the way of the dodo bird. Intellectual thinking has vanished. Poof. Gone. It seems everyone I know now only speaks in ecards now.
It goes like this: One wakes up in the morning, logs onto facebook and thinks, “man..I gotta post something deep and inspirational.” They then proceed to comb facebook for an ecard that relates to something they are thinking so they can share this deep moment. They don’t find anything so they visit the ecard website. After careful consideration they share an ecard on facebook.
Perfect. Now your friends are hopefully inspired for the rest of the morning. You can finally continue on with the day.
Moving on, you head to work. Having to deal with dumbass coworkers is hell. We all know that. What better way to express your outrage than an ecard. No need to talk here. Let’s ecard it! Combing facebook you see a friend posted an ecard you agree with. How can it be? Is this person experiencing the same workplace crap that you are? We are so alike! I must share.
Great, great. Now that that is out of your system it’s time for a break. Wait, you’re feeling goofy so you head into the bathroom where you can’t be bothered and share something funny. You must only show it in ecard form as that is the only way your friends can understand you now.
*combing the ecard website
Ahh perfect. You found one. Just what you were thinking. *Share
Hahaha. You pat yourself on the back because you made a funny. You realize you haven’t talked to a soul yet today and that’s fantastic and completely normal.
Alright! Work is done and you’re at home. There you are sitting on your patio alone. Not sure why. You realize you better ecard what it’s like to be you right now on your patio. There has to be an ecard for it. Yes! Indeed there is!
Your husband tells you to come in. You don’t speak to your husband anymore either. You only ecard him. So, you pull up your computer and BAM! You ecard him your thoughts.
You huddle into your room to watch Honey Boo Boo that you had previously recorded while your husband is probably thinking about divorcing you.
So there you have it. A day in the life of a human being in the year 2013 where ecards through facebook have become the new means of communication.
Fargo, ND – A very unique piece of art by the famous Andy Warhol which was on display at the Plains Art Museum has somehow gone missing. Twas Andy Warhol who once admitted: “An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.” Well, the Plains Art Museum needs to have it back.
The lost work, which is entitled “Eclectric Snowflake #1”, was on loan from the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh, PA. Mr. Warhol was most likely referencing his Eclectric Snowflake masterpiece when he said: “I’m afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its meaning.”
It might have lost its meaning after Andy stared at it too long, but it certainly has not lost its value. The going price point for this neon snowflake is estimated to be around $8.5 million.
No one knows exactly what happened to the colorful work, but investigators have reason to believe it may have been kidnapped. On this subject, Andy once thought that: “Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.” Whether this quote of his applies or not, investigators are looking into it and leaving no stones unturned.
The two museums have set up a joint blue-ribbon task force to actively investigate any and all leads related to the alleged theft. “We have a hunch that the thieves might have been posing as night janitors” explained Ray Sharp, the lead detective on the case, “because of the discarded janitorial clothing left on the floor, in front of where it was stolen.”
The Plains Art Museum, which certainly now has some major egg on its face, has announced a reward for finding the 6′ x 6′ artwork.
Miv Grinks, the Plains Art Museum assistant curator said that if the Eclectric Snowflake came walking down the sidewalk, you couldn’t help but notice it. Miv is prayerfully pleading to the holders of the snowflake to please store it at the recommended humidity and temperature levels, which she will explain, if you would call her office during normal working hours.
If you personally have any knowledge as to the where-a-bouts of the Eclectric Snowflake, please contact either of these fine museums for your possible reward. At this time, the reward package is said to be a $25 gift certificate to Happy Joe’s Pizza, two tickets to see the FM Derby Girls in action, plus a free life-time family pass to the Red River Valley Zoo.
Every blog or entertainment website has a blast from the past post so I figured the FM Observer deserved one. Below are various pictures from the 80’s and 90’s to get your nostalgia on. You can post only so many pictures before I crash your browser so stay tuned for a second post.
New York, NY – The beautiful and lovely Barbara Walters has been told she is retiring. ABC executives are leaking the news that she will be comfortably retired to a Stud Farm.
The iconic 83 year old grandmother to us all, has spent 50 years in television journalism and has seen it all. Everyone agrees there aren’t enough adjectives to describe this workaholic. But after suffering from chicken pox and prolonged fever, which possibly led to falling down a flight of stairs and getting a large gash in her forehead, many in the top floor of the ABC headquarters are strongly pushing for her to be gone already.
Is ABC forcing her out and off The View? Apparently she doesn’t really know much about it. However, forces behind the scene are indicating it is most definitely time for her to go to the Stud Farm. An ABC spokesman describes the Stud Farm as a very nice retirement home for aging TV celebrities.
Who might Baba WaWa see when she gets to the Stud Farm? Well, for starters, try megastar Regis Philbin (b. 1931). Also, the former Bozo-the-Clown and Today Show weatherman, Willard Scott (b. 1934). Of course, the always up Hugh Downs (b. 1921) will be there to welcome Barbara Walters (who was born in 1929) to her new home. One final for-sure would be the ever-handsome Tom Brokaw (b. 1940), who is still working with a special speech pathologist to pronounce his “L”s.
Most people think of horses when they hear Stud Farm. There will also be some of those there too. “Ms. Walters will have many people and animals to ‘interview’ after she makes the transition to her new life”, said Ernie Bankwood, who oversees the Stud Farm.
Back in late 2010, while interviewing the youthful Larry King, Barbara said “I know when my time’s coming”. Well, unfortunately for her, that time is now here, whether she knows it and likes it, or not.
When the FM Observer asked her what she thought about all this, she answered: “Oh, I hope that Fabio (Lanzoni) is at the Stud Farm!” Then she asked: “What’s the FM Observer?”
As I was driving around in my car today it came to my attention that the cities of Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead hate everyone and want to punish you with potholes to death.
Why they would want to punish us or my car is confusing. They want people to leave the state even faster? My car didn’t do anything to any of these cities so why the hate? That is the question everyone needs answered.
Every street I drove on and I mean EVERY SINGLE STREET, there were potholes everywhere that wanted to kick me and my car’s ass. Below is what I literally felt like driving around town.
Every turn, every lane, there was disaster waiting for me. “Alright I’m going to be smart about this and get into another lane. Dang…gotta turn here, ahhh dammit! Pothole right after the turn. There goes my strut! Better get into the other lane. Ahhh dammit! Didn’t see that pothole because the car in front of me. There goes my tire! Going to pass this car here to get away from the po….dammit! Another pothole in between lanes! There goes my entire underside! I’m going to just close my eyes the rest of the way home.” Any bump or crash will just be another pothole I told myself.
I finally arrived home with a mangled car that resembled nothing of its former self and I have the cities of West Fargo, Fargo, and Moorhead to thank.
Please, do me a favor and visit http://pothole.streets.cityoffargo.com/ and literally just report the entire city. As you can see below, I went ahead and submitted a pothole.
Encino, CA – Due to the recent problems within the company, Infinity Ward looks to release multiple call of duties all next month.
Infinity Ward has had quite a few internal problems lately. Their first slick move was on March 1, 2010 where they fired Jason West (Infinity Ward president, and CTO) and Vince Zampella (CEO and co-founder of Infinity Ward). What followed that were multiple lawsuits. Lastly and most recently was the departure of Robert Bowling in 2012.
Infinity Ward knows its subscriber base. They will literally buy anything. With that, Infinity Ward looks to release Call of Duty 5, Call of Duty 6, Call of Duty 7, and Call of Duty 8 all next month.
Fans of the series also have exclusive access to purchase seasons passes for each and every title for the low cost of 1500 Microsoft points per game. Each season pass will consist of multiplayer maps from all previous Call of Duty series that you already probably bought.
With these releases, Infinity Ward hopes it will keep their fans busy so they may focus on releasing Call of Duty 9 the month after.
