Author Archives: Johnnny

About Johnnny

Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)

Poetry Contest Could Be Your Ticket

Leave a reply

Write and send us a poem.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer has unanimously voted to sponsor another poetry contest!

Simply gmail us a rhyming poem you’ve written, preferably about your self.

Based on the quantity and quality of responses, this will possibly affect the quantity and quality of any possible prizes.

Winning poems might be published on our award-winning website.

All poems will be read at our upcoming Poetic Getogether along with a small variety of snax and sundries.

If this-all somehow speaks to your inner poet, perhaps this is your big ticket.

If you’ve been waiting for your train to leave the station, maby it’s time for you to rhyme!

>> Our gmail address is: FMObserver

New Programmable Robot Kicks Dogs Whenever They Bark

Leave a reply

The new Bark-bot programmable robot will stop any dog in your neighborhood from excessive barking.

West Fargo, ND – Do you have a daily problem with your dog or a neighbor’s dog barking too much?

Well, they finally have made a robot that does something worthwhile!

The new Bark-bot model X300 is specifically designed to kick a dog each and every time it barks.

Bark-bot delivers a powerful kick which you can adjust depending on the size of the dog.

Or, if put on auto-mode, Bark-bot will determine how hard to kick a dog based on its size and the loudness of the bark.

Jevon Gladstone says his little chronic barking Shih Tzu doesn’t bark anymore after getting kicked halfway across the room a few times by his Bark-bot X300.

Fargo Man A Dead Ringer For Leonardo Da Vinci

Leave a reply

Davin Condelario of Fargo is often mistaken for Leonardo Da Vinci.

Fargo, ND – You may have seen him walking in and around the greater Fargo-Moorhead area while frequenting some of his favorite spots such as the library, the planetarium, and Italian restaurants.

His name is Davin Condelario and he looks exactly like Leonardo Da Vinci.

Some of his close friends call him Davin Da Fargo.

Although he gets around quite a bit, Davin leads a rather mysterious and remote existence.

Civil records show that he lives on the outskirts of town with his lovely wife Mona Lisa Condelario.

Mona says Davin has a wide variety of interests including painting, and mentioned that he once even painted a portrait of her which they now have hanging in their living room.

Amazingly, the letters in Davin Condelario can also spell Leonardo Da Vinci!

Golf Tournament Pummeled With Watermelon-Sized Hail

Leave a reply

This is what was left of the 18th green after watermelon-sized hail destroyed an entire golf course.

Golfball, USA – During a recent golf tournament, players and fans were stunned when hail the size of watermelons began to pound the entire golf course area.

Some people were hit by the melon balls while others hid under smashed cars and behind damaged trees.

“I was like totally freaking out by what was happening around me,” said one person who seemed to be totally freaking out by what was happening.

After the hail storm passed, what used to look like a golf course now looked more like a watermelon field.

Dr. Melonie Haley who works at the Hail Educational Learning Program (HELP) says it is theoretically possible for watermelon-sized hail to fall from the sky but admits she is also quite freaked out by this freak storm which reeked havoc on a golf tournament.

Lesson Learned: When it rains watermelons, make watermelon margaritas.

Lottery Winner From Fargo Blows It All On A Single Purchase

Leave a reply

Say hello to the 118 foot Wally-118 made by Wally Yachts of the Ferretti Group.

Fargo, ND – After winning a $33 million jackpot in one of the various lottery games, Tommy Swinehart decided to buy himself a real nice boat.

Since he had just won big, Tommy wanted to think big.

Mr. Swinehart ended up purchasing a Wally 118 luxury motor yacht.

This incredibly designed boat tops out at 70 mph due to its 16,800 total horsepower.

Within its 118 foot length, the Wally 118 has a saloon, a dining area, a navigation cockpit, and holds 5,800 gallons of fuel.

Tommy also fell in love with the six plasma TVs, the king-sized master bedroom, the two queen guest rooms, each bedroom having his/her en suite bathrooms.

Unfortunately, Mr. Swinehart’s new Wally 118 cost $33 million, thus leaving Tommy with no money with which to use his expensive luxury motor yacht.

Expectedly, all the letters in Tommy Swinehart can be re-arranged to spell: Smart With Money!

New Church Giving Whole Bottle Of Wine With Communion To Attract New Members

Leave a reply

Each member gets a loaf of bread and a full bottle of wine during communion service.

West Fargo, ND – In an effort to attract and keep new members, the Church Of Bountiful Grace is offering each member a full bottle of wine along with a full loaf of bread at every communion service.

Pastor Loften Wibeto says the Holy Spirits spoke to him with this idea to provide communion participants a full bottle of wine and a warm loaf of bread during each Last Supper, which is celebrated weekly at the Church Of Bountiful Grace.

“In the Book of Psalms, God tells us that wine was created to gladden our hearts,” says Pastor Wibeto as he sips a nice Merlot while writing his next sermon, which is on the subject of spiritual fermentation.

Prayerfully, all of the letters in Loften Wibeto can be re-arranged to spell: Bottle Of Wine!

If You’re Shopping For A Vacuum, We Recommend Getting The New Super Sucker 9000

Leave a reply

The newly beefed up Super Sucker 9000 can literally empty a room in four seconds.

Toad Suck, AR – Your FM Observer normally does not endorse any particular products but our dear friend Dr. Vaka-Yuma has created the ultimate cleaning machine which is perfect for all types of applications.

The new Vaka-Yuma Super Sucker 9000 has more than enough sucking power to grab anything in sight, whether it be residential or commercial, plant or animal.

Xandi Landinski says: “My new Super Sucker 9000 has the sucking power of a thousand sucker fish, but without any of the smell.”

Faith Cromwell wrote: “This new vacuum from Dr. Vaka-Yuma sucks more than getting pulled over by a cop at 2am!”

If you’re in the market for thee most powerful vacuum ever made, look no further than Dr. Vaka-Yuma’s Super Sucker 9000!

Man Chased By Prairie Dog In Western North Dakota

Leave a reply

Keep a very safe distance from all prairie dogs, especially when they’re rutting.

Medora, ND – A tourist who wishes to remain totally anonymous was chased for a mile by an angry prairie dog, who “scared the heck out of me,” after the man apparently got too close to the prairie dog during their mating season.

The FM Observer has identified the victim as Mr. Opie Girard who lives at 1020 Poison Oaks Drive in Furndale, North Dakota, along with his wife Lunetta and their feline, Sparkles.

A spokesperson for the Prairie Dog Nation warns that mating prairie dogs should be left alone to do their business: “Just to be safe, curious tourists should not get within 25 miles of a rutting male prairie dog.”

Statistics show that after the buffalo, prairie dogs are one of the most territorial animals relative to their size, and the size of their teeth.

If you’re being chased by a mad prairie dog, run quickly in long straight lines, and preferably drop some snacky foods behind you as you attempt to scramble away.

Expectedly, all of the letters in Opie Girard can be chased around to spell: Prairie Dog!

New Events Center To Eventually Open In Fargo After It’s Made Somewhat More Inhabitable

Leave a reply

The new Hades House Events Center to hopefully open soon for non-formal events.

Fargo, ND – To provide more space for special events in the Fargo area, Hades House is planning on opening its doors after a massive amount of much-needed work is done.

Owner/manager York Glockenstein sees Hades House as a real nice place to have a small to medium sized event, if you’re willing to overlook some potentially serious problems.

Mr. Glockenstein admits that “the floor and the ceiling are in major disrepair and the walls have seen better days,” but he does believe it is fixable.

“Once people have a drink or two, it might not seem quite as bad,” York explains but is certain that a lot of refurbishing must be done to even safely enter the building.

If you would like to reserve the Hades House for a special event, contact York Glockenstein and let him know your possible dates, and also how flexible you are with those dates in case the remodeling project does not go well.

Top Ten Confucius Quotes (aka Master Kong)

Leave a reply

Go along with Master Kong.

Chinatown, CA – This week we tip our hats to Confucius, the inventor of Ping Pong, and also the sayer of many famously famous smart sayings.

After much heated debate, here is your FM Observer’s Top Ten Famous Quotations by Master Kong, who’s more commonly known as Confucius:

#10. ​No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.

#9. ​We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.

#8. ​​Worry not that no one knows you; seek to be worth knowing.

#7. ​When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.

​​#6. ​To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.

#5. ​Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.​

#4. ​If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.

​​#3. ​When anger rises, think of the consequences.

​#2. ​Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

​#1. ​Anyone can find the switch after the lights are on.