National

New Barcode Causing Nausea & Vertigo
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New Barcode Causing Nausea & Vertigo

May 1st, 2013 | by Johnnny
Barco, NC – The international governing body for barcodes recently unveiled its latest 21st century technology. However, many unprepared shoppers and store workers are already having some serious problems when seeing the...
Celebrities Claiming Nations
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Celebrities Claiming Nations

April 28th, 2013 | by Cody Marthaller
It seems to be, in order to be a successful celebrity, you must join the elite ranks of other celebrities and start claiming nations.  You are not considered a gifted celebrity unless you do so and you are certainly not part...
One Million Moms Group Wants Kmart’s ‘Ship My Pants’ Commercial Pulled From The Air
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One Million Moms Group Wants Kmart’s ‘Ship My Pants’ Commercial Pulled From The Air

April 18th, 2013 | by Cody Marthaller
The every so annoying One Million Moms Group, decided they still lead pathetic lives and needed something to bitch about.  This time around its Kmart’s new ‘Ship My Pants’ commercial. This pathetic group wants...
Researchers Uncover Guaranteed Method to Extend Smartphone Battery Life
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Researchers Uncover Guaranteed Method to Extend Smartphone Battery Life

April 16th, 2013 | by Nick
Palo Alto, CA – Stanford University researchers have been conducting top-secret experiments in an effort to dramatically increase day-to-day smartphone battery longevity. Scientific trials have been performed on lithium-ion...
Ban On Human Assault Weapons
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Ban On Human Assault Weapons

April 12th, 2013 | by Bill Burns
  Due to the large number of incidents involving human beings using weapons to kill other human beings there will now be a ban on being a human being. The state department released a report to Congress recommending a...
Infinity Ward To Release Call Of Duty 5,6,7, and 8 All Next Month
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Infinity Ward To Release Call Of Duty 5,6,7, and 8 All Next Month

April 1st, 2013 | by Bill Burns
Encino, CA – Due to the recent problems within the company, Infinity Ward looks to release multiple call of duties all next month. Infinity Ward has had quite a few internal problems lately.  Their first slick move was on...
Colorado: Violent Crime Down 400% Since Marijuana Legalization
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Colorado: Violent Crime Down 400% Since Marijuana Legalization

March 26th, 2013 | by Nick
Denver, CO – First quarter 2013 crime statistics are officially in from the Mile High City, and things are looking up. Violent crime has taken a nose dive compared to past years. Crimes of passion and hate have seen a...
Government Program Ends After Goal Somehow Met
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Government Program Ends After Goal Somehow Met

March 21st, 2013 | by Nick
Washington, DC—To the shock and utter disbelief of many, a government program has officially called it quits. The initiative, said to help, prevent and raise awareness of its cause, has gone the way of extinction now that...
VooDoo Sun Doctor To Fix Global Warming
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VooDoo Sun Doctor To Fix Global Warming

March 13th, 2013 | by Johnnny
Alice Springs, Australia – A young VooDoo priest who calls himself Legba (pronounced Leg-Ba) claims he can actually help Planet Earth with its global warming “fever”. Mr. Legba has apparently done some...
NASCAR to Implement Performance Enhancing Chemical Testing
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NASCAR to Implement Performance Enhancing Chemical Testing

March 11th, 2013 | by Nick
Charlotte, NC – Our sporting era is one of constant concern and worry stemming from PED use and the speculation regarding which athlete is cheating and which isn’t. With only one out of the big 3 professional sports...