Tree Toppled By Storm’s Strong Winds Damages Home Which Owner Fixes Using Only Duct Tape

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Once again, duct tape proves to be the only real thing you need to fix anything.

Fargo, ND – The home of Dr. Devito Petalcu was heavily damaged this past weekend when a hurricane-force gust knocked down a very large tree onto his family’s house.

Not wanting to wait for help to arrive, the Petalcu group quickly removed the monstrous tree and chopped it up into neatly stacked firewood for the winter.

Then, Devito resourcefully used many rolls of colorful duct tape to masterfully repair the damage so as to almost make their home better than new.

Expectedly, all of the letters in Devito Petalcu can be duct taped together to spell: I Love Duct Tape!

Women Moving To Venus And Leaving Men Behind

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Welcome to Venus! Men not welcome.

Welcome to Venus! Men not welcome.

Venus, FL – With men mostly in charge of things here on Earth, and with the general state of affairs going from bad to worse, women are banding together to head out to their very own beautiful planet: Venus!

Earth women are getting so sick and tired of men running the show into the ground that plans are “in the works” for all women, who are willing and able to make the trip, to travel to their original home planet and once again, make it their home, where men are not allowed!

Pretty much any woman we spoke with said: “Men have created such a Global SNAFU here on Planet Earth that we are packing our bags and getting ready to head on out of here!”

Most men we asked about this were too busy fighting to realize what’s going on.

Johnnny’s Eighth Retrospective (Posts 700-800)

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My second one hundred posts.

My 8th 100 posts. Now I can build an even longer fence!

Since 800 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 800th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back at Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

700. Johnnny’s seventh retrospective (posts 600-700)
701. Blood bank looking to hire vampires they can count on
702. Older cats not too hip on trendings of younger cool cats
703. Indian summer celebrated by many even though it’s no longer political correct
704. Dr. Finance: Should I buy some lottery tickets for the mega jackpot
705. President Trump orders up some hurricanes to dissuade caravan of illegals
706. Fargo woman fired from her good job for having a bad hair day
707. Fargo winter softball leagues open for sign up
708. Top ten reasons why the city of Moorhead secretly changed its voting locations
709. The cemetery is a good place for trick-or-treaters
710. Fargo’s first full-frontal face transplant operation deemed an international success
711. Heroic pilot somehow safely lands problematic plane at the Moorhead international airport
712. The pot now legal in four ND counties
713. How to properly entertain guests in your home for coffee or tea
714. UFO sightings over Ireland shortly after release of new Guinness-plus beer
715. New downtown Fargo condos with sheek new dilapidated exterior now for sale
716. NFL pickem calculator is amazingly accurate
717. Things North Dakotans have to be thankful for
718. Try this FMO family tradition whilst enjoying your Thanksgiving day togetherness
719. Man who had just figured out solution to climate change problem hit by bus
720. Fargo man won’t confirm nor deny that he’s running for president
721. Fargo family denied permission to adopt hammerhead shark
722. Sponge pudding shortage threatens some local family traditions
723. Use decorative duct tape to help your partner stop snoring during the holidays
724. Professional bowler stuns crowd during regional championship tournament
725. Nothing says I like you like butterscotch pudding
726. Secret Santa drops in early at many local businesses
727. Here is the winner of our annual picture-of-the-year contest
728. New test for dementia is highly conclusive
729. New home radar system detects and then detains package stealers
730. Vacationing President Trump blames Democrats for hurting his golf game
731. Fargo couple plans outdoor wedding during blizzard
732. Fargo’s 19th avenue north now open to one lane of traffic
733. FM Observer hires new CEO to right the ship
734. FM Observer’s reader’s new years resolutions
735. New game show called Double Jeopardy features twins acquitted of a crime but then tried again for exact same crime
736. Famous French chef accused of assault during Fargo master class
737. Local Fargo filmmaker has a big hit with his new film Gristly Nights
738. Merge Fargo north high with Fargo south high to make Fargo mega high school
739. Two Fargo illusionists go missing without a trace except for their pajamas
740. Long cold winter starting to take its effect on normal people
741. Algore sends frigid polar vortex into North Dakota as punishment for fracking
742. Fargo new born is suspected time traveler based on his post-birth questions
743. Five-day work week likened to rapid rat race
744. Abominable snowman comes to Fargo area in search of mate
745. Ringo was the most normal of the Beatles
746. New Fargo bar/lounge called The Peachflame to exclusively cater to weird people
747. Moorhead man modifies microwave oven to quickly clear snow from his driveway
748. Polar Vortex Pizza delivers your fully-cooked pizza completely frozen
749. Virginia governor Ralph Northam being pressured to do the moonwalk
750. Tie-dyed wind chill map warms hearts of former hippies
751. Top ten winter words North Dakotans are getting really sick of
752. Let the FM Observer help express your love on Valentines day
753. Doctors believe if you can live long enough you might be able to live forever
754. Smiling Depression is now considered a disease treatable with drugs
755. Creative ways to decline an offer besides just saying NO
756. Dr. Harshnel Quadflop called in to investigate Fargo’s recent outbreak of Ekbom’s Syndrome
757. FMO considering selling prayer pillows to help fund reader appreciation parties
758. Polar bear that enters north Fargo grocery store ends up in the canned meats aisle
759. Fargo man gains sixty pounds in one sitting at all-you-can-eat buffet
760. Fargo artist paints first-ever moving picture using kinetic oil paints
761. Fargo clock shoppe owner jailed for refusing to change his clocks to daylight savings time
762. Because of global change geese don’t know which direction to migrate
763. Democrats considering lowering voting age to ten while offering them free candy
764. FM Observers celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with a surprise trip to Ireland
765. Proceeds from famous painting by Amsterdam Douglass to help fund Fargo’s flood fight
766. Charles Barkley helps FMO readers with March Madness
767. Cathy’s Cat Cafe opens in Fargo; Reviews give it five meows
768. Peter Pan claims he was abused by Michael Jackson until Tinker Bell found out
769. Today is the last day of the beginning of your life
770. Loud Michael Bolton music to be used at southern border to dissuade illegal entries
771. Police dog licks man to death
772. Dear FMO: How can we create a quagmire on our property?
773. Lucky local Mormon groom successfully marries identical twin sister brides
774. Some are now questioning if the Moorhead interchange planning was subpar
775. West Fargo’s Three Lions Pub: The history of its name
776. Notre Dame church fire in Paris may have been sparked by lone cigarette butt
777. Typo Insurance Company to offer typo insurance
778. House-warming gift ideas for the West Fargo/Fargo area
779. Further funding for Fort Fargo finally finds feasible financial footing
780. Directions to our FMO corporate headquarters for reader meet-n-greet parties
781. President-elect Joe Biden vows to make hudge fund managers take extredable cuts
782. Iconic downtown Fargo Theater to be converted into condos
783. Future-teller Precog coming to Fargo to give free readings to FMO readers
784. Kentucky Derby to be re-raced for first time in its history
785. Entire family goes missing after husband dreams they were all kidnapped
786. Baby Sussex the future king of England shall be called Jughead Forsythe P. Jones of Windsor
787. Group of Fargo wives put their husbands out on boulevard for clean-up week
788. Bad red panda gets solitary confinement after escaping from the Red River Zoo
789. Cooking Corner: How to cook a caged pigeon
790. Emergency counselors now available for problematic family situations
791. New ND Governor’s mansion mistaken for highway rest area by many travelers
792. FM Observer is upping our volume and encouraging our readers to up yours
793. Local couple’s painting worth a half million dollars destroyed by distracted driver
794. Norwegians marching to protest all those stupid Norwegian jokes
795. Top ten things to do in the Fargo-Moorhead area this weekend
796. A rare pair of Velociraptors seen wandering through West Fargo
797. FMO asking: How safe do you feel in north Fargo?
798. Next Fargo air show promises some amazing never-before-seen acts
799. FMO’s Insurance Desk now offering weekend insurance

FMO’s Insurance Desk Now Offering Weekend Insurance!

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FMO’s Weekend Insurance turns a bad weekend into a not-so-bad weekend :o)

Eastern West Fargo, Southeastern North Dakota – Yes folks, you read it right! FM Observer (which shall be referred to as FMO, or The Company) has now directed our FMO Insurance Desk to offer our readers Weekend Insurance!

For a limited time, and for a limited time only, the FMO Insurance Desk will take in larger amounts of premium from you every month, and then pay you much smaller amounts of money if and when the weather totally ruins your weekend!

To those of you smart ones who select the No-Bullshit Upgrade: “It’s such a pity when the weekend turns shity” but at least you’ll be marginally compensated for it…but only if you have: FMO Weekend Insurance!

Jandro Gladstone: “I am a true believer in FMO’s Weekend Insurance, and I really like their No-Bullshit Upgrade, which is only $10 more per month!“

So, just remember, if the weekend is a total loss (like this weekend), FMO’s Weekend Insurance might be just what you’re looking for…along with a free Bloody Mary to our first five customers!

FMO Insurance Desk’s Weekend Insurance: “When it rains, we’re your rainbow.” [Sorry, no pre-exisiting conditions allowed.]

Next Fargo Air Show Promises Some Amazing Never-Seen-Before Acts

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One amazing act involves jets flying in opposite directions but sharing the same smoke trail!

Fargo, ND – The upcoming Fargo Air Show has somehow put together fifteen new acts and entertainment for people who think they’ve seen everything.

Yo, you ain’t seen nothing like this year’s line-up of aerial grande entertainment!

Here is a “summerized” listing of fifteen reasons why you should not miss this next Fargo Air Show:

✈ The Flying Nuns
✈ Giant Space Cannon
✈ Phone Drone juggling
✈ Stealth bomber rides
✈ Mega G-Force Stimulator
✈ Mach Four demonstrations
✈ Jet Pack Races for all ages
✈ Snoopy’s Sopwith Camel flyover
✈ Meet & Greet some NASA monkeys
✈ Cloud Seeding by the Rainmakers
✈ Princess Layla’s Star Wars ship
✈ Opposite-direction jet smoke trails
✈ Wright Brothers 1st flight re-enactment
✈ Trained Bald Eagles flying in formations
✈ Vertical hot air balloon rides to stratosphere

FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?

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FM Observer’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

Fargo, ND – After Fargo’s mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer’s man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question:

Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood?

Here are some of the answers we got:

I feel as safe as caged pigeons in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

I feel as safe as a young baseball fan sitting in the foul ball section of a Cubs game.

I feel as safe as a French cathedral while restoration workers have a smoke break.

I feel as safe as American tourists vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

I feel as safe as an afternoon clerk at a Howard Johnson’s Inn.

I feel as safe as private insurance companies during a Bernie Sander’s rally.

I feel as safe as a typo in a document about to be spell-checked.

I feel as safe as a bottle rocket in a match factory.

I feel as safe as an African lion within sight of a Minneapolis dentist.

I feel as safe as a case of ice-cold beer at We Fest.

I feel as safe as the owner of a Texas BBQ food truck.

A Rare Pair Of Velociraptors Seen Wandering Through West Fargo

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If you happen to see this pair of Velociraptors, please call 9-1-1 at your earliest convenience.

West Fargo, ND – City authorities who are not wanting to cause a panic, are trying to stay calm whilst warning the community that a very rare pair of Velociraptors has been seen walking around within city limits.

Dr. Sarlo Petrovic and his spousemate Claire Provost have been flown into West Fargo to monitor this unusual situation.

“Yes, this would indeed be quite similar to the Jurassic Park scenario where two speedy raptors who are known for their rapacious appetite would be wandering around looking for food and fun”, says Dr. Petrovic.

Ms. Provost mentioned that her dino-cell testing lab in Canada recently reported two missing Velociraptors who go by the name of Pelto and Provo.

She advises: “If you happen to see my two dear raptors in your yard, please let us know.”

“If they’re hungry, they could be considered dangerous, but they’re usually quite harmless and playfully curious.”

Ironically, all the letters in Sarlo Petrovic and Claire Provost can be re-arranged to spell: Velociraptors!

Top Ten Things To Do In The Fargo-Moorhead Area This Weekend!

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Here is a list of the Top Ten fun things to do in the FM area this weekend!

West Fargo, ND – Are you looking for something fun, new, and different to do this weekend?

Would you like to be where the happening action is at?

Well, once again you’ve come to the right place!

Based on our latest extensive research, here is a convenient synopsis of what’s going on in the greater Fargo Moorhead area this weekend:

☺ Rotten Egg Juggling (West Acres)
☺ Drunkfest 3000 (Downtown Fargo)
​☺ Scary Clown Parade (North Fargo)
☺ Mud Wrestling Tournament (Moorhead)
☺ Meat and Greet Cookout (West Fargo)
​☺ Parimutuel Dog Fights (Fairgrounds)
☺ Senior Citizen Dodgeball Event (Sabin)
☺ Sloppy Joe Eating Contest (Island Park)
☺ Marijuana Bake Sale (Second Lutheran Church)
☺ Free Concert: Electric Pickle (Outside Fargodome)

Norwegians Marching To Protest All Those Stupid Norwegian Jokes

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CAPTION HERE

Norwegian-Americans are starting to protest all those bad Norwegian jokes!

Oslo, MN – Well, it was only a matter of time until they had enough and just couldn’t take it anymore.

Now, many Norwegian-Americans are fed up with all those silly Norwegian jokes and being the subject of such stupidity.

Jokes such as: Why do Norwegians grocery shop with a ladder? Because the food prices are so high!

Ole Larson who helped organize the protest march says “enough is enough already!”

Lars Olson says jokes like: “The reason why Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast is because the drivers are afraid they’ll get robbed” have done enough damage and they just need to stop!

If some of your ancestors were Norwegian and you’d like to join a Norwegian joke protest march, please contact the Sons Of Norway.

It would greatly help the protest march if you made a big poster with a Norwegian joke on it, saying “Please stop jokes like this one…”

Q: Why did the Norwegians bring sandpaper to the desert?
A: Because they thought it was a map!

Local Couple’s Painting Worth A Half Million Destroyed By Distracted Driver

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This valuable painting was completely smashed by a distracted driver texting LOL to a bad joke.

West Fargo, ND – A local couple was delightfully delighted to find out that their rummage sale painting was worth a lot of money.

Pipaluk Enoksen and his lovely wife Ivalu had brought their painting of a hummingbird to the Antique Roadshow to hopefully find out its current value.

After discoverying that the painting was a very rare one by Carl Renoir, the expert told them that their hummingbird painting was worth an estimated $500,000 at auction.

With this exciting new knowledge, Pipaluk and Ivalu Enoksen carefully put the hummingbird painting into the trunk of their car to drive home and celebrate.

Unfortunately, on the way home, the Enoksens were rear-ended by a texting distracted driver whilst stopped at a red light, completely destroying the uninsured painting, along with their hopes of retiring to the good life.