Local

Sting Operation At Dog Park Results In Arrest
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Sting Operation At Dog Park Results In Arrest

June 18th, 2012 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – The police K-9 unit in Fargo, acting on an anonymous tip, recently enacted a sting operation resulting in an arrest at the dog park on 45th Street in Fargo. The tipster, who shall choose to remain anonymous,...
West Fargo Police Searching For Elusive Asian Nudist
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West Fargo Police Searching For Elusive Asian Nudist

June 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
West Fargo, ND – One small Asian man is causing quite the ruckus in our growing city of West Fargo, North Dakota and people have started to call the police. The West Fargo Police Department have stated that they are looking...
Fargo To Crack Down On Small Businesses
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Fargo To Crack Down On Small Businesses

June 12th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – Small business owners, and by small business I mean panhandlers, will have to take their business elsewhere. Panhandlers have been filing business license applications in records numbers lately in the hopes to...
Naked Young Bird Found Dazed and Confused
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Naked Young Bird Found Dazed and Confused

June 8th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
West Fargo, ND – Junior, a young bird from West Fargo, was seen this afternoon looking dazed and confused, lost, and completely wrecked.  He was also not wearing any clothes. I tried to talk to him but it was no use.  He...
Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic
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Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic

June 6th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – Exhibitionist cows brought traffic to a grinding halt on Co Rd 17 in Fargo earlier this morning.  A pair of bovines were caught “doing the dirty” in the middle of the road the highway patrol stated....
Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead.  Doesn’t Find Shit.
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Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead. Doesn’t Find Shit.

June 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Moorhead, MN – Moorhead police would like your help in catching one dumb fucking criminal who broke into Sunset Lanes around 2 a.m. Sunday.  Police say he forced a door open to find a shit load of used bowling balls....
Cannibals Anonymous Group Therapy At Hilton Garden Inn
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Cannibals Anonymous Group Therapy At Hilton Garden Inn

June 1st, 2012 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – Due to a widespread craving for human flesh causing concern that a zombie apocalypse is right around the corner, the Observer has decided to hold open workgroup sessions to help cannibals deal with their...
Crookston Bishop To Host Prayer Service Sunday For American Crystal Workers Dispute
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Crookston Bishop To Host Prayer Service Sunday For American Crystal Workers Dispute

May 31st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Crookston, MN – Bishop Michael Hoeppner, head of the Catholic Diocese of Crookston is coming to the rescue.  Bishop Michael has stated that he has seen the destruction and carnage strikes and disputes can cause....
ZOMBIE SIGHTING IN WEST FARGO
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ZOMBIE SIGHTING IN WEST FARGO

May 27th, 2012 | by Nick
West Fargo, ND – The Observer is fearful to report that early Sunday morning at around 3 a.m., a zombie was spotted foot-dragging alongside Interstate 94 in West Fargo. This reporter is absolutely certain that this was,...
Minnesota Couple Marry In Cemetery
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Minnesota Couple Marry In Cemetery

May 22nd, 2012 | by Bill Burns
AUSTIN, Minn – How do you gain the brides deceased parents respect in the non creepiest way possible? Get married by their graves in a cemetery of course! In an unconventional wedding ceremony, Diane Waller and Randy...