Local

Red River Now Considered “Less Dickish”
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Red River Now Considered “Less Dickish”

May 17th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
West Fargo, ND – In a weird turn of events, locals have started praising the Red River and now consider it “Less Dickish.”  Last month we reported people to be calling the Red River a dick head and even tried...
UPDATE: Super AIDS reign of terror showing no signs of stopping
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UPDATE: Super AIDS reign of terror showing no signs of stopping

May 16th, 2012 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – With its tiny but deadly hands held firmly at the throat of our quiet community, the Super AIDS virus continues its unrelenting reign of terror on the home front. Human bodies are still being violently...
**ALERT** PRESENCE OF SUPER AIDS IN CLEANUP WEEK TRASH PILE SPAWNS EPIDEMIC
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**ALERT** PRESENCE OF SUPER AIDS IN CLEANUP WEEK TRASH PILE SPAWNS EPIDEMIC

May 10th, 2012 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – The filthy remnants of a cleanup week trash pile containing an unknown quantity of Super AIDS is believed to be the cause of the rampant Super AIDS epidemic here in Fargo. Due to environmental concerns, a...
Cleanup Week In Fargo-Moorhead Leaves Strange Items On The Curbside
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Cleanup Week In Fargo-Moorhead Leaves Strange Items On The Curbside

May 9th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – It is Clean Up week around the Fargo-Moorhead area or the Scavengers Super Bowl other people call it. This week, thousands of people will throw various filthy piles of shit they have been hording in their house...
Cops Leave Hostage Situation To Bust NDSU College Party.
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Cops Leave Hostage Situation To Bust NDSU College Party.

May 8th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – At around 12 a.m. Saturday evening, police were called to a home on N Broadway Dr & 20th Ave N with reports of a hostage situation.  Police arrived on scene to find a man holding his girlfriend hostage...
Jesus Arrested For Disorderly Conduct.  Caught Mowing Lawn In Loin Cloth.
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Jesus Arrested For Disorderly Conduct. Caught Mowing Lawn In Loin Cloth.

May 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fergus Falls, MN – Jesus who currently is parading around as a 43 year-old named Matthew Swanson, was arrested for disorderly conduct Wednesday afternoon while mowing the lawn in a loin cloth.  It is believed that the...
Horse Buggy Collides With Car On Interstate.  Horse Takes a Dump.
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Horse Buggy Collides With Car On Interstate. Horse Takes a Dump.

May 1st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
New Salem, ND- At around 8:30 a.m. this morning, a SUV carrying a family of 4 struck a horse buggy on Co Rd 139.  The family from New York were on vacation and merrily on their way to New Salem, North Dakota to visit...
Red Bull® gives man wings; man sues
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Red Bull® gives man wings; man sues

April 30th, 2012 | by Nick
West Fargo, ND – A local man is suing the makers of Red Bull® energy drink, claiming the product produced “uncomfortable and disproportionate feathery growths” sprouting from underneath both shoulder blades....
New Trend: Teens Getting High Off Toilet Flushing
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New Trend: Teens Getting High Off Toilet Flushing

April 25th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – In the recent weeks, 6 teens have shown up in the Sanford hospitals emergency rooms completely high and buzzed out of their minds.  One death is being reported as well.  This has caused concern for the local...
Red River of Fargo Accused of Being a Complete Dickhead Again.
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Red River of Fargo Accused of Being a Complete Dickhead Again.

April 18th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – Just when we thought the Red River of Fargo had grown up and become a more mature adult, we realize we were dead wrong.  Thanks to the recent rain, the Red River is back to being a complete dickhead again. ...