Tag Archives: fargo

FM Observer Is Upping Our Volume And Encouraging Our Readers To Up Yours

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Learn how to up the volume in your life!

Fargone, ND – Our very own Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp will be mentoring a master workshop on how to up the volume of your life.

Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp is highly respected in many regions of our region for being the most respected expert on this timely topic.

Lout wishes to share his lifetime of lessons learned on upping the volume of positive experiential life happenings even when things are seemingly seeming to wind down a bit.

If you would like a chance to win free tickets to this incredible workshop, please send $25 to our FMO headquarters and also include a paragraph about the good and bad in your life.

Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp guarantees that after attending his valuable sessions, your life will never be the same.

Expectedly, all the letters in Lout Vue-Hemp can be mentored to spell: Up The Volume!

Group Of Fargo Wives Puts Their Husbands Out On Boulevard For Clean-Up Week

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Ten Fargo women decided they’d all be better off by getting rid of their ten husbands.

North Fargo, ND – Clean-up crews were quite surprised to see what had been put out by the curb in one North Fargo neighborhood.

Apparently, ten wives had gotten together and decided to put their ten retired husbands out to get taken away during Clean-Up Week.

After asking one of the wives if this was a joke, she simply yelled: “Yeah, this here ain’t no joke, sonny! You take ’em now! Go on now, you take ’em!”

The ten elderly retired gentlemen were escorted one-by-one into the large Clean-Up Week truck and then slowly taken away to wherever all those many tons of curb-side junk get taken, and none of them were ever heard from again.

Further Funding For “Fort Fargo” Finally Finds Feasible Financial Footing

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A rare look inside the main bunker of Fort Fargo.

Fargo, ND – What many have been fighting for for forty four fruitless fortnights may soon finish with fruitional finality.

The remains of Fort Fargo, which was originally built at the beginning of Fargo’s war with Moorhead, will officially become a preserved historical site, right next to a major museum honoring those who fought in this famous battle.

Those who have been fighting for funding for the Fort Fargo Museum & Historical Site raised glasses to toast that the North Dakota Legislature finally voted in favor of committing public funds to this worthy project.

After a nearly fourteen year debate, the N.D. House voted to use forty million dollars from a combination of the state treasury and loans from the Bank of North Dakota to financially fund the costs of Fort Fargo.

If you feel that you have any historical artifacts possibly from the Fargo/Moorhead War that should be included in the new F/M War Museum, please contact the Fort Fargo Foundation for further instructions on what to do and how to do it.

Cathy’s Cat Cafe Opens In Fargo; Reviews Give It Five Meows

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Fargo’s cat cafe caters just to cats!

Fargo, ND – The new and hip trend of having restaurants specifically for our feline friends has finally come to Fargo!

Cathy’s Cat Cafe will cater to cats by offering a full catalog of favorite cat foods and fun.

Every category of toys, teasers, challenges, and scratch posts will surround your cat’s culinary experience at Cathy’s Cat Cafe.

Food specials such as catfish deglazed with catsup wine sauce will make your cat as happy as a catholic in a catacomb cathedral.

Recreational catnip will be available throughout your cat’s visit, since it is now legal in the state of North Dakota!

Fargo Artist Paints First-Ever Moving Picture Using Kinetic Oil Paints

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The future is here: framed oil paintings that actually move on the canvas!?

Fargo, ND – Local artist Amsterdam Douglass has apparently achieved the unachievable!

This semi-famous Fargo artist, previously mostly known for his altruistic generosities, has now somehow painted an oil painting that shows actual movement on the canvas upon which it was painted and within the frame in which it is physically bordered.

When asked how he did it, Amsterdam Douglass slowly smiled, while only saying: “Kinetic Oil Paints!”

When asked what the hell are kinetic oil paints, Amsterdam Douglass slowly smiled, as he gracefully reached for his legume-flavored vape pen.

When asked about his legume-flavored vaporizer, Amsterdam Douglass slowly blew a large, thick, legume-flavored vape cloud, into which he virtually vanished via vicarious vaporization.

International Snow Baron To Finally Visit Fargo

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The mighty Snow Baron, in full garb. I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong: NO, this isn’t the Night King from Game of Thrones. Look closer–It is clearly the Snow Baron.

Fargo, ND – It was only after a mere fifty inches of winter precip that one of the most revered snow gurus alive finally took notice. Baron Von Jeric Tedlam of the Great Siberian North, Biter Of Frost and Freezer Of Vein, has scheduled a visit to our fair city this 10th day of March, on the tail of yet another blizzard.

The Snow Baron plans to revel in a new snowfall during what he now considers a “most insidious” Fargo winter. “Be it a bountiful showing of ice and frost? It beckons for ye Baron. Harken the call of the great snownami: her winds whisper Tedlam.”

No surprise that Siberia claims home to the world’s only Snow Baron.

The Observer plans to welcome the Baron as he makes his triumphant entrance upon his magical Tundra Chariot. If you can’t deal with that, don’t come to the FMO HQ roof top this Sunday at high noon. If he is impressed with our snowiness (which without a doubt he should be) there is speculation that he will hold presidential roost here until the Spring Equinox. Yay.

Fargo Man Gains Sixty Pounds In One Sitting At All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

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Fargo man gains 60 lbs in 3 hours.

Fargo, ND – Richard Roundhouse of rural Fargo entered the House Of Food buffet restaurant weighing 310 pounds.

When Mr. Roundhouse finally decided to leave the House Of Food three hours later, the scale indicated that Richard now weighed in at 370 pounds.

Fargo’s new House Of Food restaurant charges by the pound, and therefore invites each customer to weigh in upon arrival, and then again at checkout.

The bad news is Richard’s bill came to $240 but the good news is that Mr. Roundhouse set a new House Of Food record.

Dr. Harshnel Quadflop Called In To Investigate Fargo’s Recent Outbreak Of Ekbom’s Syndrome

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The esteemed Dr. Harshnel Quadflop

Fargone, ND – As if Fargo didn’t already have enough problems to deal with (such as beavers, flooding, and pinochle), now city leaders can add an unexpected and unwanted outbreak of Ekbom’s Syndrome to its growing list of emerging emergencies.

Luckily, the country’s leading Ekbom expert was immediately available to head up here to God’s Country at the drop of a hat into the packing of his suitcase.

“What we are initially seeing here is a highly typical case of the Ekbom’s Syndrome playing itself out in this community you refer to as Fargo,” explains Dr. Harshnel Quadflop, as he carefully inscribes small sentences into his old, thick, red notebook.

Advice from Dr. Quadflop includes: 1. Don’t panic. 2. Go about your lives as normally as possible. 3. Report any symptoms of Ekbom’s Syndrome to your local authorities. 4. Stay well-stocked up on adult beverages. 5. Nap as needed, unless called upon to shovel or sandbag. 6. Monitor and disseminate all pertinent news on a need-to-know basis.

Top Ten Winter Words North Dakotans Are Getting Really Sick Of

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Fargoans have really gotten to hate the word Arctic.

Fargo, ND – Our FM Observer reporters fanned out across the region to knock on doors asking people what winter words they are getting most tired of hearing.

After doing so, we then empirically compiled the comprehensive list into a scientific study.

We believe it is totally scientific because we used the word empirical.

What follows is a scientific poll of the Top Ten words or phrases that people living in this region are getting really sick of hearing:

10. Winter Snowstorm
9. Frizzle
8. Alberta Clipper
7. Pre-Shoveling
6. Snownami*
5. Windchill Factor
4. Black Ice
3. Blizzard Warning
2. Polar Vortex
1. Arctic

* Snownami is the scientific word for the large ridge of snow left at the end of driveways after the street plows come by to do their due diligence.

‘Polar Vortex Pizza’ Delivers Your Fully Cooked Pizza Completely Frozen

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We guarantee your pizza will be completely frozen by the time you get it.

Fargo, ND – Not real stoked about going out into the arcticly crazy super-cold windchill temperatures for supper?

Maybe you should just stay warm at home while ordering a pizza from Polar Vortex Pizza!

Their pizzas are great, and fully cooked in perfectly hot ovens, and then quickly delivered rock-hard frozen solid to your front door.

The flash-freezing process take only seconds and locks in all the wonderful goodness of your Polar Vortex Pizza!

Some customer feedback: “Yeah, Polar Vortex Pizzas are great, but don’t plan on eating them right away.”