Fargo City Leaders Vote Yes To Seek Out Guatemalan Sister City

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With its diverse culture, rich heritage, and colonial charm, Guatemala seems to be a perfect place for Fargo to find its next Sister City.

Fargo, ND – In a historic vote which passed almost unanimously, Fargo city commissioners collectively concurred on beginning the long and arduous process of finding a community in the exotic country of Guatemala that might want to buddy up with Fargo and become our second Sister City.

Fargo currently has only one other Sister City and that would be Hamar, Norway which happened way back in 1974 when Nixon was president.

Since it’s been almost 44 years since Fargo added a Sister City, “it is high time we added another!”

Why Guatemala you may wonder? Because that’s where the dart landed when it was blindly thrown at the map of the world during the last leadership meeting.

Some Guatemalan communities that Fargo is now considering approaching to ask if they want to be a Sister City with Fargo are: 1. Quetzaltenango, 2. Chimaltenango, 3. Huehuetenango, 4. Chichicastenango, 5. Mazatenango, 6. Jacaltenango, 7. Momostenango, and 8. Sumpango, because they all end with the same two letters as ‘Fargo’.

The city commission minutes revealed that each of the mayors of these eight great Guatemalan cities will be flown to up Fargo to be wined and dined and then intensively interviewed by various members of the Fargo Elite.

The final decision will be announced during the next Fargo Summer Games this coming summer.

Please indicate your preference for Fargo’s next Sister City by emailing in your choice’s respective number along with any reasoning for your favorite Guatemalan city.

Moorhead Couple Spends Valentine’s Evening Together In Jail After Being Arrested For Disrespecting An Officer

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Jail runs out of cupcakes on Valentine’s Day.

Moorhead, MN – Trelga and Nevron Broomstad simply wanted to go eat out at one of Moorhead’s finer restaurants on Valentine’s Day and then perhaps head back home to snuggle and maybe watch some reruns of reruns on television.

Unfortunately, on their way home, the Broomstads got pulled over by a Moorhead police officer for having a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle.

The two were quickly handcuffed and driven off in the back of an unmarked police van to spend the long night in jail for disrespecting an officer.

Their bumper-stickered car was impounded and trash-compacted into a dense cubic foot of scrap metal and then loaded onto a ship headed to China.

While sitting in separate jail cells, Trelga and Nevron Broomstad were each to be given a Valentine’s Day cupcake along with all the other inmates but there were not quite enough to go around so the two were left with no Valentine’s Day cupcakes but they were allowed to watch some reruns of reruns on the television.

Moral of the story: Select your bumper stickers wisely.

Many College Students Admit To Living Off Of Costco Free Samples

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Come and get your free samples…each and every day, mmkay?

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer has learned from our last year’s annual survey that a large number of area college students who are often living on a rather tight budget regularly eat for free at the Costso store.

Franseska Thrice, who’s studying Animal Sciences at NDSU, admits that just by sauntering through Costco and sometimes Sam’s Club, enough calories can be ingested to support life on an on-going basis.

Enzo Jihoon, who is majoring in Cross-Cultural Interactions at Concordia College, is trying to save money to buy a new car, “so why the hell should I pay money to eat, when I can eat for free at Costco, and thereby greatly increase my chances of purchasing that car I’ve been eyeing for months?”

Costco is currently reviewing its long-standing policy of offering free samples to its customers.

“We might have to start charging for our ‘free’ samples if we see an increasing trend of abuse by the college agers,” says an interactive company spokesbot.

Johnnny’s Fifth Retrospective (Posts 400-500)

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My second one hundred posts.

My 5th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 500 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 500th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

400. Johnnny’s Fourth 100 Posts
401. Obama First Family To Book A Room At Trump’s Turnberry Golf Resort
402. Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song Kashmir
403. New Pizza Business To Specialize In Deliveries To Jails And Prisons
404. Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months
405. Photos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead
406. Black Lights Matter Has One Small Problem
407. Pokemon Parents Pleading Please Stop The Insanity
408. FMO’s First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest
409. Middle Finger Replaces Frown Face On Social Media
410. New Fargo Motorcycle Gang Called The Hell Monkeys
411. Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes Bigger & Better Than Ever
412. Army Corps Of Engineers To Straighten Out Red River For Improved Flowability
413. Young Fargo Inventor Hits It Big On Shark Tank
414. West Acres Mall Stolen By Man Dressed As Security Guard
415. Zika Fears Creating Need For Last Minute Olympic Substitutes
416. Fisherman Catches Rainbow Trout On Internet Using Clickbait
417. Ask For Your Free Beer During Free Beer Week
418. Milkshakes Are A Great Way To Add Some Poundage
419. FMObserver Lights Candle For World Peace
420. Ryan Lochte Falsely Reports That Zika Caused His Hair Color Change
421. Fargo School Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year
422. Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani To Stay In Guestroom Of Randomly Selected Fargo Home
423. Rolling Stones Latest New Hit Sympathy For Dementia
424. Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast
425. FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers
426. Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average
427. FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?
428. Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe
429. George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine
430. Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes
431. Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Library
432. Battle Of Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life
433. Fargo Hires A Fourth Grader To Help Prevent System Hacking
434. If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately
435. FMO To Host Incredible Meet & Greet Session With Carson Wentz
436. Boy Gets Suspended From School For Saying Shih-Tzu
437. New Meta-University Soon To Open In FM Area
438. Amnesia Support Group Forgets When & Where To Meet
439. Young Man Digging Fargo Diversion By Himself
440. During Another Moment Of Confusion, Hillary Says She’s Voting For Trump
441. Many Companies See Benefits To Adding Whack-A-Mole To Their Employee Break Rooms
442. Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend
443. UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits
444. World Famous Scandinavian Folk Singer Coming To Fargo
445. Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday
446. Gawk Tour Bus To Visit Pipeline Protest Site Without Getting Involved
447. Jason Bourne Moving Back To North Dakota After Learning His Identity
448. Husband Living In Doghouse Learns To Do Tricks For Treats
449. West Fargo Garage Band Hits Big Time After Being Discovered By Leonardo Dicaprio
450. Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour
451. Vote For Vivian Nutwrangler Because She Wants What You Want
452. President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall
453. Lutheran Social Service Bringing In Many Mice From MN Lakes Area Due To Lack Of Acorns There
454. Super Moon Proves It’s Moving Closer To Earth
455. Facebook To Begin Charging Users A $30 Monthly Usage Fee
456. Harambe’s Family To Sue Zoo Who Blew Him To Timbuktu
457. Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time
458. Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29MPH On I-29
459. Hatchimal Hoarders Selling This Year’s Hot Items Out Of Their Basement
460. Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO’s Dictionary
461. Some FM Area Businesses Allowing Use Of Cookies As Fungible Barter Tool
462. Eggnog Support Groups Now Forming For The Holiday Season
463. Bigfoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead
464. Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway
465. An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend
466. Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano
467. After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled
468. FMO’s Award Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season
469. Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River
470. Vikings’ Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left
471. Federal Affordable Cheese Act Providing Free Cheese From US Government
472. Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun
473. Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal
474. First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo
475. Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple
476. Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera
477. Fargo Man Becomes Very Attached To His Brick
478. Public Service Announcements #1
479. Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election
480. Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter
481. Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast
482. Fargo Teen Accidentally Creates An Actual Wormhole In His Bedroom
483. Volunteers Needed To Test New Bullet Proof Jackets
484. President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of US Military
485. Public Service Announcements #2
486. New Fargo Religious Radio Station To Broadcast Only In Tongues
487. Local Youth Has Read Every Book In The Fargo Public Library
488. Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon
489. UND Offering Classes On How To Wake Up & Get Out Of Bed
490. After Trump Converts To Mormonism He Plans To Add Another First Lady
491. One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For ‘The Super Bowl’
492. New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons
493. Fargo North Dakota Seeking To Copyright The Word ‘Fargo’
494. Public Service Announcements #3
495. FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival
496. Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome
497. Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump
498. Ambien User Somnambulates To Ex-Wife’s House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce
499. Rural Fargo Man Cornered By Moose For A Really Really Long Time

Rural Fargo Man Cornered By Moose For ‘A Really Really Long Time’

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…and so you’re telling me this is the reason why you were late for work today?!

Fargo, ND – A rural Fargo man was simply trying to bring the garbage out prior to heading off to work on a foggy Monday morning when he suddenly heard a very large noise.

In the early morning light, Bruno Maneek says he then saw something moving toward him from the dense brushy forest next to their lot.

It was the world’s largest moose who was trotting straight at him so Bruno instinctively began backing up towards the breezeway that connected the garage to their home.

Unfortunately, Bruno’s wife was out of town at the National Botox Conference so he was home alone at the time.

For the next two hours, this massively giant moose had Bruno Maneek cornered only feet away from where he had a loaded shotgun hanging in their breezeway.

Then, after a long and fruitless stand-off, the enormoose moose just disappeared.

“Did it quickly trot off into the forest?”, asked Bruno’s doubting boss who was wondering why his most unreliable worker was late again.

“No, it just vanished like a bubble that got popped by a pointy pin”, replied Bruno Maneek, mere moments before he got fired from his job.

Ambien User Somnambulates To X-Wife’s House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce

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Best not to sleep and walk concurrently.

Moorhead, MN – After taking more than the prescribed normal dosage of Ambien to help him fall asleep, Victor Rishikof walked in his sleep to the home of his ex-wife while only wearing a bath robe.

Once there, Victor repeatedly rang the doorbell at around three in the morning.

His ex-wife Sheila eventually answered the door after all the kids had woken up along with her seven dachshunds who were quite worked up into a tizzy as you can imagine.

Sleeping Victor kept standing at the door pushing the doorbell while continuously mumbling that he wanted an immediate nullifcation of their recent divorce.

A confused Victor woke up the next day in jail, listed as the adverse party on a restraining order, and suffering from extreme frostbite.

Moral of the story: During periods of global cooling, if recently divorced, wear long underwear prior to taking any nonbenzodiazepines.

Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump

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Trump wears the suit which ranks above all others and which can win a trick when someone wearing a different suit has been led.

Fair Play, TX – Ever since Donald Trump was elected president, what used to be friendly relaxing games of pinochle have become more heated political debate sessions.

Pinochle players such as Arnie Macnaughton of Fair Play, Texas admit that he and his pinochle cohorts now spend more time arguing about Trump than they do actually laying down their meld and trying to take tricks.

♠ Arnie goes on to say that anytime someone mentions ‘Spades’, the conversation turns to shovel-ready jobs to build the southern border wall.

♥ If someone says ‘Hearts’, we start talking about bleeding heart liberals and whether or not Obamacare should be repealed and replaced.

♦ When ‘Diamonds’ are brought up, we wrangle about how the rich keep getting richer while the poor are left to stand in line outside of soup kitchens.

♣ And good luck if ‘Clubs’ are brought up because then we start debating about all the protests and how that leads to civil unrest and anarchy.

Arnie Macnaughton along with many other pinochle players might need to switch to playing Bridge, or to be more specific: Bridge Over Troubled Waters.

Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome

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This will be how Glyndon, MN will soon look if Jesper Søndergaard has anything to say about it.

Glyndon, MN – The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world.

This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who has real experience with this type of concept as he has actually done it in the South Swedish highlands (Sydsvenska höglandet) of his home country of Sweden.

Jesper såger: “Yah, I think after Glyndon gets used to being covered by a dome like we did over in Sweden there, people hier will really start to see the benefits of it. Climate change will basically be totally negated, not to mention no more blizzards, even tho I just did.”

In Swedish, the word for a dome is en kupol. To cover something is omslag, and stad is obviously their word for town. So, putting it all together now: Jesper Søndergaard would like to omslag the stad of Glyndon with en kupol!

There will be an informational townhall meeting on this impotent subject where citizens of the quaint town of Glyndon can learn more and ask questions.

Mr. Søndergaard wants folks to know that “Det finns något sådant som en kupol fråga”, which roughly translates into: “There’s no such thing as a dome question!”

FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival

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Join us for the Fossil Fish Festival. It’s a fun way to waste a weekend and also a great way to meet people you normally would want to avoid.

West Fargo, ND – The FMO Tour Bus is being cleaned out (from our last trip to the State Prison) for our next Reader Tour Fun Package!

Where are we going this time? To Wyoming, to see the amazing Fossil Fish Festival on February 18th!

You may ask yourself: Whyoming? Well, because that’s where the Fossil Fish Festival is being held – in Laramie, which is in the state of Wyoming, which is somewhere North of Colorado.

This will be the 30th anniversary of the designation of the wonderful fossil fish “Knightia”, who is Wyoming’s official state fossil which evolved roughly 50 million years ago!

This extinct fossil fish has served as Wyoming’s State Fossil Fish for 30 years and because it is so similar to herring, they will be serving expensive pickled herring for a nominal fee of $50 per person.

Sign up for our Fossil Fish Festival Fun Package at our Corporate Office Park.

The cost for the entire Fun Package is $999.99 which does not include any food, drinks, lodging, tips, and/or emergency medical attention.

Sign up early and often so we have enough time to do some extreme vetting into your personal life and of those who may be sitting next to you for the 36 hour round trip.

FMO’s Public Service Announcements For The Weeks Of February 8-22

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Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here are your Public Service Announcements from the FM Observer for the weeks of February 8 to February 22 in order of first to last:

☺Nome Fletcher would like to challenge anyone to fight him in his garage. Nome is suffering from Hypofightroid Disease and finds that physical pummelling tends to calm him down over time.

☺Dr. Pat Markus who has been studying how to hypnotize people will be doing a free workshop on how to start smoking cigarettes. Dr. Markus asks all interested guinea pigs to show up at the school gym and please remember to bring some smokes and a lighter.

☺Mildred Hazlitt needs someone to help her re-organize her kitchen cupboards. She thinks there might be some out-dated items in the hard-to-reach back areas which maybe haven’t been touched since 1951.

☺Stumpy Elsdorf is wondering if anyone would lend him a gun for the weekend. Stumpy has some unfinished business to attend to and promises to return the gun if he is still alive on Monday.

☺The Noxmeyer family needs a clown to show up at little Tommy’s birthday party which will be held at Chuck-E-Cheese on Wednesday at 4PM. Since little Tommy is quite afraid of clowns after going to the circus, the Noxmeyers are asking for no funny business.

☺Judd Cluff found an old collection of used Halloween masks in his attic and is willing to sell them for almost nothing so he can buy himself a new dog after Wuffer died of boredom.

☺Connie Weltan is trying to plan her wedding but cannot get any firm commitments to be bridesmaids for the ceremony. If you would like to be in Connie’s wedding party, please show up for the rehearsal on Thursday afternoon at the church right after the Judge Judy Show is over.

☺Konrad Butner will be auctioning off a King James Bible which is believed to have been autographed by King James himself. The silent auction will take place in Konrad’s living room. Please bring a non-perishable food item for Konrad’s kitchen and remember to be quiet.

☺Jevon Rydzynski will be giving away his favorite ant farm since his potential girl friend says she won’t enter his apartment until he “gets rid of the damn thing”.

☺The Friendship Circle Of Hope will be hosting a Nihilism Support Group for those who have nothing going on in their lives and who also believe that nothing plus nothing equals nothing.