Category Archives: Recipes For Success

You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success

Musician “Flips The Bird” To Fargo Crowd While Suppposedly Trying To Play The F-Chord

Leave a reply

Playing the F-chord is justifiable way of flipping the bird while maintaining plausible deniability.

Fargo, ND – Some surprised listeners in the crowd of a small Fargo bar got upset when the solo musician performing on stage repeatedly gave them the middle finger during her show.

To be fair, some hecklers had been yelling out that the music at the relatively small venue was too loud for the space and had been asking for the volume to be turned down.

After the musician tried explaining that what may have appeared to be “flipping the bird” was simply her trying to play the F-chord on the guitar, some of the bar patrons took that to be a stealth reference to getting the F-bomb.

How do you feel about this? Was the crowd being too sensitive? Do you like loud music in small bars? If the musician was flipping off the crowd, was it justified? Were you aware that the F-chord is now a secret new F-bomb?

Court Artist Accused Of Drawing-Under-The-Influence At Cohen/Daniels Court Hearing

Leave a reply

Most agree that this court artist must’ve been under the influence of drugs, but you can draw your own conclusions.

New York, NY – The artist chosen to do sketches at the Stormy Daniels/Michael Cohen court hearing has been accused of DUI (Drawing Under The Influence).

Just as many famous artists have successfully used drugs to embellish or enhance their work, federal court artists are not supposed to share that same luxury.

The artist in question is named Audi Ritts, who normally produces decently recognizable sketches.

But when Judge Kimba Wood asked Mr. Ritts to try and draw a straight line, it was obvious that Audi had been perhaps using the pot, or something of that nature.

In light of this stunning development, the Judge declared a misdrawing, and therefore, the hearing will have to be re-sketched.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Audi Ritts can be redrawn to spell: DUI Artist!

Vanna White And Pat Sajak Getting Divorced After Thirty Five Years

Leave a reply

Nothing lasts forever.

Hollywood, CA – The stars of America’s favorite game show are finally getting divorced.

Pat Sajak and Vanna White have decided to call it quits after thirty five good years of marriage.

The final phrase on the Wheel Of Fortune prior to them announcing their divorce was “irreconcilable differences”.

In their split-up, attorneys say Vanna will get the the cruises and most of the consonants, while Pat will get the cars, all the vowels and the letter “X”.

Vanna White will get to keep all 6,500 of the dresses she’s worn on the show, and hopefully neither will land on “Bankrupt” anytime soon. 

FMO Considering Starting Our Own Line Of Wedding Anniversary Cards

Leave a reply

Getting married is a big milestone. Staying married is a major miracle!

West Fargo, ND – As promised, your FM Observer is seriously pondering coming out of the closet with our own line of wedding anniversary cards.

We’ll make our final decision whether or not to do so based on your feedback. If you like our card ideas, we’ll probably launch the venture. If you don’t like our anniversary card ideas, then we’ll launch for sure – probably even with a big launch party!

♥ Your face is still my favorite face, except for my facebook page.

♥ Every time I do our laundry I discover new things about you.

♥ Happy Anniversary, Baby! I love you more than I did a year ago.

♥ I love everything about you, except for the things that really bother me.

♥ Even though you sometimes have a funny way of showing it, I know you still love me.

♥ Here’s 2 another year of being married 2 each other: I 2 you, you 2 me, K I S S I N G :o^

♥ I know it’s been a long tough year, but hopefully it will get a lot easier…for both of us.

♥ I know some things I do really bug you, but please don’t flush me from the toilet of your heart.

♥ Except for buying a dog, marrying you was the smartest thing I have ever done in my entire life!

♥ One year ago today, you made me the happiest person on earth, and I still kind of feel the same way.

♥ God gave you to me to be my love partner. Hopefully you and God feel the same way about me for you.

♥ Since we’ve now been married for another full year, let’s celebrate by getting drunk for one full week!

♥ I’m so lucky to have you to take care of me. Thanks for putting up with me during this last long year. Sorry!

♥ I still remember the way my heart leaped when you got down on your knee and asked me to be your spousemate. Thanks!

♥ This last year has been 365 days long. I’m so glad our marriage has somehow survived each and every day…and night.

♥ I never dreamed that loving you could bring so much love into my loveless heart of hearts until (and since) we got married by love.

♥ Amazingly, after getting to know you better over this last year, you are seriously quite amazing. Jokingly, you are also very amazing.

Fargo’s Wood-Chip-Stock Festival Attracting Some Major Attractions

Leave a reply

This is one happening in Fargo you won’t wana miss!

Fargo, ND – Organizers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival could not be more excited about the line-up of bands scheduled to play at this summer’s music fest!

Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick are the co-founders and keepers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival.

Chick-n-Tod have graciously leaked to us the list of bands currently slated to play at this year’s festival.

Main Stage: Suns Of Beaches, High Standards, Purse Puppies, Monkey Bars, The Ben Dover Group, Sunscreen Sixty, Band For Life!

Back Stage: Cosmic Muffin, Germane, Tippy Topps, Random Dogs, Epitaffy, Ipso Frackers, Liquid Smog!

Tickets for Wood-Chip-Stock Festival 2018 are free at any place that sells free tickets, or just hack information about this incredible event off of Cambridge Analytica’s facebook page.

Ironically, both Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick can somehow re-arrange all the letters in their names to spell: Wood-Chip-Stock!

Mummified Monkey Successfully Brought Back To Life

Leave a reply

Experts bring mummified monkey back to life by using miraculous new technique.

Dayton, OH – After discovering a mummified monkey in an old department store’s duct work, a team of mummiologists was called in to see if anything could be done to save the mortalized monkey.

Dr. Odem Kenady, who headed up the team, said this upon being called to save the dead monkey: “We believe we now have the technology to bring mummified monkeys back to life, by slowly adding banana water to their desiccated carcass, thus allowing their body cells to literally come back to life right before our eyes. We need to at least try because: mummified monkeys matter!”

After the monkey was miraculously brought back to life by Dr. Kenady, and then deemed to be in fairly stable condition, the original owner of the miracle monkey was contacted, who said: “For the last 50 years, I’ve been wondering where my little Jo-Jo disappeared to!”

Jo-Jo is now enjoying some banana soup after 50 years of mummification.

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Kenady can be resuscitated to spell: Dead Monkey!

Dolphins Being Introduced To Fargo-Moorhead Area Hotel Swimming Pools

Leave a reply

Jump in and swim with us!

Fargo, ND – Most of the hotels in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area will soon be adding a pair of breeding dolphins to their swimming pools.

The idea came about when Mr. Hodell Shipton, who works as a concierge at the Bed Bug Inn, went on his winter vacation.

“After swimming with dolphins down in Florida, I brought the idea back to our hotel where I work,” said Mr. Shipton.

After a few managerial meetings to discuss the idea, we decided to do it “just for the halibut!”

Now, all hotels in the FM area that currently have swimming pools, will be following suit with the Bed Bug Inn.

Ironically, all the letters in Hodell Shipton can be re-arranged to spell: Hotel Dolphins!

The New Rage Is Having A Purse Puppy

Leave a reply

To be cool, you need a Purse Puppy!

Pursglove, WV – Fashion trenders are strongly pointing to Purse Puppies as the latest in the super hip new thing for 2018.

“If you want to be cutting-edge cool this year, you definitely need a Purse Puppy!” says Manon Gadbois of Trend Magazine.

Fact #1: Everyone agrees that the person walking through the airport with a Purse Puppy is who everyone is looking at.

Fact #2: No one disagrees that the coolest thing in the world is having a Puppy in your Purse.

Warning: 2018 is the year of the Purse Puppy, so you better Puppy Up, or be square with a non-puppied purse.

All North Dakotans Now Required To Take An Annual Mental Examination

Leave a reply

After being mentally evaluated, every North Dakotan will be ranked as either Green, Yellow, or Red

Green=Fine Yellow=OK Red=Bad

Bismarck, ND – With much of the national discussion being focused on mental health, North Dakota will proactively soon begin annually checking the mental health of each and every one of its citizens.

A new task force called MIND (Mentally Interrogating North Dakota) will do a thorough evaluation of all North Dakotans on their half birthdays.

Based on the official results of their mental examination, every person in North Dakota, over the age of nine (9) will be given one of three possible rankings:

Green Light: You are fine. No major mental problems were detected. See you again in one year, on your next half birthday. (For example: If your birthday is on April 15th, your mandatory mental exams will be every October 15th.)

Yellow Light: Some concerns were detected based on your responses to questions selected especially for you. You will need to be put on a MIND Watch List and retested monthly, until you are hopefully upgraded to a Green Light.

Red Light: A likely problematical situation was detected. You will be held for further testing to determine the magnitude of the problem. For your convenience, padded shuttle buses heading to Jamestown will be standing by.

FMObserver Lost In The Wilderness For Forty Days

Leave a reply

At times, we were not sure if we could ever find our way back.

Camp Wilderness – In case you had or hadn’t noticed, the FMObserver website was gone, missing in action, bye-bye for a rather long while. You could say we were lost in the internet wilderness, not much different from those wandering souls in the Blair Witch Project.

Losing a domain name is tantamount to losing your wallet, car, phone, family, and house all at the same time.

But just as a famous doctor of digestion once said: “All things will pass”, we are more than ecstatically relieved to report that the FMObserver, which once was lost, has now been found, born again, back from the dead, risen from the ashes, and is back online.

Now, the dream of our journey toward remaining the most respected and “absurdly observative” satirical fake-news agency can continue unimpeded and hopefully without further impediments.

Moral of the story: Keep all your passwords and PINs jotted down somewhere where someone can find them, in case you unexpectedly are suddenly summoned to your next realm.